𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆 // 𝑯.𝑺 (Discontinued)

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Emily's POV

Trigger warning :

The digital clock on my bedside table, struck 6:07,as the last few Ray's of sunshine poured through my window.

I paced around my room,the air conditioning being the only sound I could hear,aside from my breathing.

28 minutes. 28 minutes, I've been doing this. Walking around my room,the millions of thoughts swimming through my mind,getting unbearable by the moment.

It almost felt like it was screaming at me. Screaming at me so loud,that my eyes were screwed shut.

And,the worst part was,I let that voice put me down. I let it yell,and shout,until my mind can't physically take it anymore . It hurts so much,that all I want to do is scream into a pillow,begging it to stop.

But,that doesn't help.

I thought I had it in control. I thought,I would get past it sooner than usual.

But,today wasn't like that. It was one of the worst one's I've ever experienced.

Fuck,these panic attacks come in from no where...

They always,did...But,this time...Shit,it was so much worse.

My sock clad feet pad over to the other side of my room,my body stopping at a halt.

No,no,no,I promised myself,that I wouldn't look.

I shouldn't look.

I don't wanna look.

"But,you have to" she added,making me twist my face in pain.

My head lifts up slowly, my gaze falling upon my Reflection, that stared back at me.

I feel my body physically tremble, as my hands go up to my cheeks.
I clutch onto my face,the tears streaming down onto my hands,the salty tears trickling down my fingers.

I hated what I saw.

Absolutely fucking hated it.

I run my hands up and down my waist and thighs,as if my touch would fix the imperfections. I squeezed and pulled,only making me swallow the strangled whine that erupted from my throat.
I shudder as my nails grip my waist,the sharp sting making me gasp.

Smaller.

You need to look smaller.

Waist.

Smaller.

Arms.

Smaller.

Legs.

Smaller.

Thighs-

"..No" I whimper softly,as the voice in my mind pulls me down,further and further.

"But,it's the truth" she adds,making me shake my head violently.

"..No," I whisper through my gritted teeth,hot tears continuing to stream down my pink cheeks.

"You know its tr - "

"..No!!" I cry,my voice loud,but still resembling a whisper.

"No,no,no" I mutter,my hands trembling as they reach up to grip my hair.