Nightmares - naegami

Chapter 9

"I... I like you," Byakuya said.

"You said that already," Makoto murmured.

"No, I just said that I couldn't stop thinking about you, that doesn't-"

"It's pretty obvious," Makoto grinned. Byakuya sighed and pushed up his glasses. Makoto's gaze was making it hard to concentrate properly. Byakuya blinked. Kiss him kiss him kiss him. No, he couldn't, what about the cameras? What about his family? They would kill him. No, he couldn't. But he wanted to so badly. And then,

"Byakuya... can I kiss you?"

Byakuya froze. "I don't know," he muttered. Makoto shifted closer to him, and leaned in, gently touching their lips. When he pulled back, he was smiling more than Byakuya had even seen. Byakuya didn't care anymore. He quickly swept off his glasses and pull Makoto in close, kissing him deeply. The warmth flooded through him. Makoto seemed surprised, but happily welcomed it. When Byakuya finally drew away, it hit him what he'd done. He pushed the smaller boy away.

"I have to go." He tried to stand up but was held onto by Makoto.

"Wait why are you going-?"

"I HAVE TO GO," Byakuya yelled. They both froze. Byakuya was surprised at himself, but not disappointed. He hadn't meant to shout, but at least it worked. Makoto let go of him. Byakuya sped out of the room and strode down the hallway. He tried to stop himself looking back as he went. His heart was pounding when he reached his room. He swung open the door and collapsed on his bed. Why am I so stupid, he thought angrily. I can't kiss a boy. I can't kiss anyone here. I need to wait until I get to the top and then my father will pick me woman to have children with. I just have to get to the top. I just have to get to the top... he rubbed the bridge of his nose. I can't love anyone like that. Not Toko, not... Makoto... no one... He sighed. He hated this place. He got up and locked his door. He was about to sit down when he heard someone knock on the door.

"Who is it?" He demanded.

"It's me!" Came Makoto's voice in response.

"No," Byakuya growled.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"You're messing me up, you're destroying my chances, just stop it."

"What?! How am I destroying your chances?"

"I'm not meant to fall in love," Byakuya said with frustration. "I'm not meant to like men. That's not how my goddamn family works."

Makoto was silent for a while. And then, "how does your family work?"

Byakuya sighed. "I can't be asked to explain right now, the door is in the way."

"I... could come in?"

Byakuya thought for a moment. "Fine, but don't touch me."

"Sure."

Byakuya quickly ran over to the door and unlocked it before going back to stand next to the bed. Makoto cautiously opened the door and poked his head through. Byakuya nodded at him slightly and Makoto scurried in. He sat on the other end of the bed, trying his best to keep his distance. "So... why can't you like anyone?"

Byakuya took a deep breath. "My family is very very wealthy, we do not have the time or need for romantic relationships, so to keep our line as pure and strong as possible, the head of the family will gather the most powerful women from across the country and have as many children with them as possible." He glanced up at Makoto who's face was plastered with confusion and surprise.

"What?" Byakuya muttered.

"Wow, that's... a lot."

"I am aware," Byakuya continued. "I have 14 half siblings, all with different mothers. My father... did well. Or at least from his point of view. All he did for me was make it harder for me to succeed."

"But why do you have become the head of the family?"

"Because if I do badly I'll die."

"DIE?! They'll kill you?!"

"As good as. Not physically dead, but it might as well be..."

Makoto's face had been overcome with empathy. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "That sounds horrible."

"I've never know anything different, it doesn't bother me," Byakuya responded shortly. "All I need to do is contribute enough to the family fortune to be favoured by my father. Then I'll become the head of the family, and I'll have my own children with many women and... then the cycle will begin again." His voice had turned numb. His mind was trying to process what he'd just explained. He'd never actually thought about what this meant. Suddenly his face turned angry. "I don't... I don't want this," he spat. "But it's the only way."

Makoto shifted a little closer but stopped when Byakuya glared at him.

"You... you don't have to, heh... do you... even like women?"

Byakuya thought about this for a second. "No. I don't think I do."

"Then... hey, um... what would you prefer to do with you life?"

Oh shit. Byakuya's sudden realisation was clear. This is my life. My whole life. I... this is all I've ever cared about, I...

He jumped as Makoto put his hand on his shoulder. The boy had moved up next to him without him noticing and was watching with concern. Byakuya couldn't be bothered to push him away. "I don't know. I've never given it thought."

"Well... do you want to know what I want to do with my life?" Makoto smiled sympathetically.

"Go ahead," Byakuya responded. His voice was flat. The anger had left his eyes and nothing had replaced it. He felt... empty. Makoto thought for second, and then began to monologue.

"Well first of all I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna find my family and make sure my parents and sister are ok. Eventually, when I've finished collage, I'll work out what job I want to do at that time, which should be easy because I got into hope's peak, so I'm basically set to do what I want, and whoever I'm in love with I'll move in with. We're not gonna have kids because I find it hard to understand small children, and I don't think I'd be the best dad, heh. We're gonna have a small house together or a flat and we're gonna live together for as long as they want and maybe some day we'll get married, and-" he stopped himself. "U-um sorry about that..." his voice faltered. "I went on a bit..."

Byakuya was still. "Huh you really know what you're doing."

Makoto laughed. "Ha! Na, I really don't... I just kinda know what I wanna happen I guess... it's pretty boring..."

Byakuya blinked and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Would I be able to be the man you move in with?" He said quietly after a few silent minutes.

"Huh?" Makoto looked shocked.

Byakuya turned his head to look at him. "Can I be the man you move in with after collage?"

Makoto went red. "I-I-I-I..."

Ding dong ding dong

"Goooooooooooood morning!" The morning announcement interrupted them. Byakuya glanced at the monitor mounted on the wall. "Guess we have to go," he stood up and walked towards the door, leaving a flustered Makoto to sit on his bed. He opened the door, peaked out into the hall way, and strode down the hall until he reached the dining hall. Makoto sat still for a few seconds, frozen. Then he slowly got up, and before he knew it, he was also making his way to the morning meeting point.

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(From future Squid)

Song: Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery