Before Death

Chapter 1: First meeting

I was eight years old when I found my first pack.

I was safely in bed, tucked under my deer skin blankets. I had woken up because of the howling. In our remote little self-sufficient village, we were often plagued by the pack of wolves living in the nearby forest. They never ventured too close but we always heard their omnious howling on a full moon night like this. I got out of bed and tiptoed out of my room, into the hallway. I reached the back door and, after hesitating for only the tiniest of moments, I stepped out into the frozen Russian night.

As my bare feet crunched on the layer of snow I felt an irresistible pull towards the howling. As if a magical force held me in thrall, I turned and slowly walked towards the forest. My father had always told me there was nothing but death to be found in the forest, yet I did not heed his words.

I started walking, looking nowhere but at my feet where I put one foot in front of the other. I walked until my feet were numb and I could feel the icy grip of fatigue on my soul. Suddenly I saw a tree root in froot of my feet. I looked up and saw the forest looming before me, the floor littered with pine needles and frost.

In that instant, I almost turned back as I looked at the wooden huts and safety that my village represented. Perhaps to return home would have been the better choice, but then fate renewed its grip on me, and a haunting howl sounded again.

I was under the spell once more.

I spun around and started walking briskly into the forest where unknown creatures lurked, my energy renewed by curiosity.

As the tall pines enveloped me I felt a sudden stab of fear, as if I could not turn back now. I followed the direction of the howling as the snow grew thicker under my feet and clouds of snowflakes were dancing mystically across the frozen landscape. So focused was I on wading through the knee-deep snow, I nearly walked into the cliff face before me.

I looked up and had to take several steps backward to see the top. What I saw drew a gasp from me, magnified unnaturally by the silence of night.

Siluetted against the full moon I saw a wolf. He was howling up to the sky, his dark coat dappled with snowflakes.

He looked down on me, and our eyes met. In that instant I was one of his kind, so majestic, wild and free.

Then he raised his lip and exposed his massive teeth. He gave a sharp bark and the pack gave chase.

I turned and ran with wild abandon. Behind me I could hear the panting of many wolves and the crunch of their paws on the fresh blanket of snow. Fear motivated me to race downhill so fast that the trees became a blur. I don't know how long I ran, my long, black hair streaming behing me in the frosty wind. Time had no meaning in the woods.

Finally I came out into the open. I could see the dim lights of home in the distance. More sensible children would have kept running to the safety of the village, but curiosity still burned inside.

I turned and crouched down in the soft snow. The wolves stopped at the very edge of the trees. The wolf I had seen howling came forwards. I knew at once that he was the leader, the Alpha.

My eyes met his once again.

He was so close I could see that he was blind in his one eye. I crawled backwards slowly, never breaking eye contact with the Alpha. I knew instinctively that if I showed any sign of weakness, the pack would be tearing out my throat in seconds.

I kept moving backwards, putting more and more distance between the leader and me. The wolves stood still, poised in a one-sided standoff.

Wearily I stood up, turned and ran again. I looked back many times, but the pack had not pursued me. I ran all the way to my house. I sneaked back into my bed, but not before I had erased any clue about my midnight adventure. I had been given hidings far too many times for sneaking out to be careless in covering my traces.

Despite my exhaustion, adrenaline was buzzing in my veins and I found sleep impossible to come by. I kept replaying the night's events in my minds eye. Looking deep inside myself, I was surprised to find feelings of dissapointment that I had not spent more time with the wolves that now haunted my thoughts. I lay awake until the weak winter sun showed her head above the mountains. Then I got up.