✓𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 - the trilogy

𝐗𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈

tw !

SEPTEMBER 22ND

LOUISE'S POV

i nervously fiddled with
my fingers as i looked out
the uber's window. the city
of the stars, where all your
dreams are supposed to
come true. sadly, my only
dream at the moment was
to be anywhere but here.

i had always wanted to
visit LA, but not like this.
i thought about maxi's
texts earlier and a frown
crept on my face.

"do it for them, give
them closure"

maybe it'll give me closure
too, who knows. that way,
i can make sure there's
nothing i could've done
to save her. i'll stop
feeling guilty for no
reason.

as soon as the uber stoped,
i quickly got out, feeling
nauseous. i felt a hand on
my lower back and found
der standing behind me.
a small smile on his lips.

"are you alright?" he asked
quietly. i could see the pity in
his eyes- and it was killing
me. he knew about my dad
and the way i felt about
funerals, that's why he
was acting like i was made
of glass.

i have an irrational fear of
funerals. i don't know if you
could call it a fear, but it's as
similar as it's feeling. the
shaky hands, cold sweats,
tears, all of it.

i believe a funeral changes
people. the realization of
a final goodbye. the way
the body reacts is nothing
but marginal. and you just,
close yourself. like a protecting
spell, a shell. it happened to
my mom, to me. i was able
to get over it, but she
wasn't.

so i assimilated the idea
of changing to funeral.
it was the least i could do
to prove myself i had nothing
to do with my mother's behaviour.
she was never mentally abusive
or mean, she was just absent.

i mean she was still there, but
she wasn't. she stayed in her room
all day. she didn't cook, clean,
wish me goodnight or good morning.
she just breathed.

i had no intention of going
back to a funeral again until
i learned that jules was from
baltimore md, just like
me.

i don't know why it felt
like enough of a reason to
spend an entire weekend
in LA with my best friend,
but it did

der had always been the
best. i've known him since
preschool and he's never
left my side, not once.
even when i complained.
he always says he doesn't
need a girlfriend, since he
has me, and i basically
sleep in his bed almost
every night, huddled between
him and maxi. he's the best,
really.

he opened to door to the
chapel, his hand, still on
my back as he laid his
eyes on me. i looked in
front of me for pretty much
the whole time before we
sat down. i peeked at my left
to see a guy, brown messy hair,
stained cheeks, a necklace with
something resembling a bird
on it, i take it he was the
boyfriend.

next to him, a smaller girl
was standing, sobbing quietly,
she was about 5"4 on a good
day, beautiful eyes but completely
empty. brown curls where falling
on her frail shoulders.
she was holding the hand
of a tall guy, as her head reposed
on his arm. we locked eyes for a
second, before she looked away