Her Lost Soul

Chapter 31

 "Ri, can I stay with you? No sex, I just want to hold you. Make sure you're safe, I still want that for you, you know?"
    "I'm on my period anyway." She mumbles, "I'd rather you didn't, I feel dirtier on my period." Like that would stop me. I strip into my boxers and climb into bed.
    "Oh, was that not just a cover-up?" I ask. Is that why she's so emotional? Because of her period? Is she sad because it confirms her theory of not being able to get pregnant?
    "It was at the time but now it's real. Stupid thing, I guess I'm lucky they aren't frequent but when they do come they hurt so bad." Come to think of it I've never known her to have one. 
    "Why don't you get them often?"
    "I told you, the accident damaged my womb." She rolls on her stomach so she can look at me. 
    "What can I do Ri? I don't want you in so much pain."
    "Stroking my back helps with my cramps," I smirk. That's not what I meant but I slide her top up so I can stroke her bare skin. 
     She groans, "Although I love to help with this pain, I want to know about your mental pain, Ri. Seeing you in the bath, it was worse than trying to find you in the sea that day. The water was burning me."
    "There's nothing you can do, Flynn. You must have an important reason to do this to us. I'll trust that you know what you're doing." There's that word, she trusts me. She's always said trust is hard but she's voluntarily said she trusts me. 
    "What do you mean?"
    "I remembered whilst I was washing up. You love me, you wanted me to remember. I did remember what you said but I believed your lie." So that's what had her freaking out. 
    "Is that what had you freaking out? I blame myself for messing with your emotions. I caused you to freak out. I should have left you alone but it's impossible."
    "It's not you that had me freaking out. Stop blaming yourself, you fix me not break me. I needed to process in my head what I discovered. I don't want you to leave me alone. I've loved the last couple of days. I will happily take any part of you that you'll give me without further expectation. I was a mess before you drunkenly broke into my apartment. I cried all the time, I stared at the walls for hours. I didn't eat or sleep and when I did my nightmares were overwhelming.
     "When you came in it was like you jumpstarted my heart again. You are my lifeline and I needed to be close to you from then on. Even if I had to endure Ariel to do it, it was worth it. Without you, I'd still be locked away in my apartment dead to the world." 
     "Why do you call her that?" I laugh. 
     "She acts like a princess and I don't want to feel too connected to her and call her by her real name. Please, Flynn, tell me you didn't sleep with her," fuck. How can she ask me that? I sit up on my elbow. 
     "Riley," I can't be accountable for before her. 
     "Please," she begs. 
     "I'm sorry, I have slept with her." She groans and buries her face in her pillow. "Riley, it was before us. I haven't touched her like that since I realised I loved you." She brings her face away from the pillow and her eyes are red and tears fall down her face. "I wouldn't, not since I tasted you. Not anyone." I remove my hand from her back and I wipe her tears. Once they dry up I stroke her back again. "Do you know what will help with your cramps?" 
   I smirk, is she up for this? She shakes her head, "Do you want me to show you?" She nods and I grin, "You ever touched yourself?" Please do this, it's such a turn on. 
    She shakes her head horrified, "No, why would I when I don't feel?" Interesting. 
    "Turn on your back," I demand and she does so. I remove the duvet from her, I need to see everything. "Okay, take your panties off." I want front row seats, she slides her panties off and she hands them to me. "Well, you aren't getting these back now, they're mine. Okay, spread your legs. I want to see." I drop her panties on my clothes. She spreads her legs and I bite my lip, so fucking hot. I move so I'm facing her. I need to see properly. 
    "Okay now, do you remember how I play with your clit?" She nods, I wish she wasn't on her period, I'd like to see her finger herself too.  "Good, now I want you to do it." She shakes her head, don't disappoint me, baby. Not now, "I won't touch you tonight. I vow not to touch you again but I want to watch."
    "I want you to do it, please Flynn." Gah, please don't ask again or I won't be able to deny her. 
    I shake my head, I promised, "No, baby. I told you, I won't be touching you. This is the only way you'll come tonight if that's what you choose." She groans, "Come on you never disappoint me." She bites her lip and she moves her hand to the apex of her thighs. "That's it," I hiss. I've never been so turned on. 
    She starts pleasuring herself and she throws her head back. Yes baby, keep going, she's so erotic. "Keep going baby, now play with your amazing breasts." She cups her breast and starts playing with her nipple and I growl. "Christ, that's it. Keep going," I urge. 
    "Do it with me, Flynn. Please," she begs. Your wish is my command baby. I don't think I could let her finish and not orgasm with her anyway. I push my boxers down freeing my cock. I grasp my cock in my hands I pump up and down. Not the first time I've got myself off because of her but it's nice to share it with her. "You turn me on so fucking bad, keep going. Pretend it's me touching you."
    "Flynn," she calls out.
     "You're so close baby, as am I." I don't need long where she's concerned. 
     "I can't, not without you." She pants and I laugh. Oh, baby, that is the sexiest thing you could ever say. I place my hand on her thigh and she calls out and her leg shakes. Fuck, it sends me over the edge. So fucking erotic that my touch can send her into her orgasm. 
      "Fuck, I love firsts with you Ri. That was beyond all my expectations," I pull my boxers up and I flop next to her. I cuddle up to her resting my head on her shoulder. 
     "Hmm," she agrees. "Still prefer when you do it," I smirk, me too baby. She turns and makes me lie on my back so she can bury her face in my neck. 
     "Oh me too, nothing I love more." I whisper,  "Well, I love you more," the cat is out the bag now. I pull the covers over us protecting her. "Sleep, Ri, I'll stay with you tonight." She wraps her leg around my waist and I stroke her back again. I close my eyes and revel in the fact that she's with me. I fall asleep shortly after. 
    "No," she mumbles. What? I'm so tired, "Don't leave me," she begs. I groan and she's shaking around me. Why the hell is she having a nightmare with me here? "It doesn't make sense for you to love me," she whimpers. Christ, she's couldn't be further from the truth. 
     "Shh, Ri," I whisper in her ear and she wakes. "Calm down, you don't normally get nightmares with me." 
    She looks up at me, "I know, I just I hate this," I stroke her cheek. Hate what baby?
    "Hate what?" 
    "This. . . us. I know you need it this way but I hate thinking I'll never be with you again. I hate not knowing if I'll see you tomorrow. I hate that your scent disappears. So many things I'm unsure of. I can handle the no sex, I just can't stand not being close to you." I feel the same way baby. 
    "Well let's make a deal then. We will see each other once a day as friends. We can still be close Ri, just not that close." Tyler will agree to that, won't he?
    "You want to see me every day? Won't you get bored of me?" I laugh loudly, she's cute. I could never get bored of her company. 
    "Ri, I could spend all day every day with you. So an hour or so is nothing. We can only ever be friends Ri."
    "Why? Do you not like me like that anymore? Did I do something wrong? Is there nothing I can do?" Hell, I love her more every day, how can she not see that? 
    "No Ri, you provoking me yesterday crossed the line. You know I love you, I told you I'm fucked up. My jealousy and my protectiveness over you is dangerous. I wouldn't want to put you in danger because of me."
    "How is it dangerous? I see it as a good thing, I need that. I mean that guy, I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there. Your quick thinking saved me." 
    "Don't you see? I could have hurt you in the crossfire. I pulled you away from that low life drug dealer. I could have hurt you. I see red Ri and I could hurt you." 
    "But you save me, do you not see that? You wouldn't hurt me, not physically. Is that the only reason you don't want to be with me? Because this is pretty pathetic."
    "You don't know anything, Riley," I say irritated. I put my hands behind my head. She climbs on top of me. She strokes my hair and it's distracting. 
    "So enlighten me, Flynn. Something is obviously bothering you. I want to help."
    I sigh, "I hurt people, Ri. Like really bad. My temper gets the better of me. I get into fights Ri, I have a criminal record. I don't know when to stop, what you've seen is nothing. The amount of times Tyler has to pull me off some random." 
    "I don't care about that, you aren't him. You'd never intentionally hurt me. You don't control me, you make me happy, I like your unpredictable side. I like that you'll protect me at all costs, I need that." 
    How can I make her see how bad I really am? I guess the truth is the only way, "I've killed someone, Ri," I say ashamed of myself. It makes me sick to the core thinking about it. 
    "So have I, nothing you can say will make me love you any less."
    "It's not the same," I snap. 
    "Of course it's the same. Do you feel guilty? Sick to the pit of your stomach? Would you take their place if you could? Would you take it back if you got the chance? It's exactly the same, Flynn. I know you, it was an accident. You didn't plan to kill him." 
    "No, but I still chose to beat the shit out of him," she shakes her head. 
    "Yes, but you didn't know what the outcome would be. You can't predict the future, I don't have sex to get pregnant but it could happen. I don't drink to die but it could happen. I didn't get in that car with the outcome to kill him and make my Mother lose her hand. It could happen but it was serious bad luck that it did happen." 
   "It's not that easy, Ri."
   "Of course it is. You give me a rollicking for thinking it was my fault now I will do the same for you." I smile touche, she peppers kisses all over my face. 
    "Not helping the whole friends thing, Ri. Considering you're pantiless on top of me." She giggles but continues her playful pursuit. I groan when she doesn't let up, "Ri, please. You aren't making this easier for me. Besides, I can't fuck you on your period."
    "That is true but I can still fuck you. . . with my mouth." She grins at me, the fuck did she say? My cock wants her to repeat that too. She slides down my body, "You can still keep your vow. You won't be touching me but you didn't say anything about me touching you." 
   That would still be breaking the rules! She pulls down my boxers before I can stop her, not that I have the control to stop her. She looks at me whilst she licks the tip of my cock and it's such a turn on. The things she does to me. "Christ, you don't fight fair." I grab her hair and I push her deeper onto me. "I can never say no to you." She looks up at me and she sucks harder, "Riley," I groan.  "Mmm, fuck."
   She grazes me with her teeth, fuck, I flex my hips pushing deeper into her mouth. "Again," that feels so good. She does it again and I'm so close. "I'm going to come, Ri," I warn so she better withdraw if she doesn't want me to come in her mouth. She groans and the vibration sends me over the edge. Shit! 
    She kneels and she wipes her bottom lip with her thumb. Christ, I pull my boxers back up. "Come here," I command and open my arms for her. She climbs on me and lays her weight on me and buries her face in my neck. This is where she belongs except I'd rather her completely naked but she needs my top for comfort. "You never disappoint, now sleep. You don't sleep enough for my liking. I'll be here when you wake up."
     She nods into my neck as she clings to me. I hold her protectively pulling the duvet back over us. She slowly begins to relax. She breathes softly in my ear and it's comforting. It means she's still alive. I need to speak to Tyler, I need to make him aware that she needs me. As she said we can handle no sex, well we didn't today but we can. I fall asleep with her in my arms. 
    I wake to a phone ringing. "Flynn," Riley whines. Christ, what time is it? I wrap my arm tightly around her and I lean over the edge of my bed and I grab my phone. 
    I don't look at who's calling before I answer it, "Hello?" I mumble. I keep my arm around my girl and she lays on me. 
    "Is she okay, Honey, I've been so worried?" Abigail asks. She sounds upset too. 
     "Yeah, she's fine. She's still sleeping." Well, we were before she rang. Riley nuzzles my neck with her nose. Don't baby. 
     "Are you sure? She's not going to do it again is she?" 
     "I'm sure she will be fine Abigail. I'll call you if she needs you."
     "But what about her and Regan. She's upset and confused, it wouldn't have helped last night."
     "I know okay? I'm working on it. I was wrong to completely cut her from my life. I will be here for her, even if it's not in the way she wants." Well, she was the one that cut me out, to be honest. 
     "Okay, ring me if she needs me, please look after her," she begs. 
      "Bye Abigail." I hang up the phone and I go to lob it on the bed but it rings again, "Yeah?" I groan. I stroke her hair away from her beautiful face. 
      "Flynn, it's me," Regan says. Great fucking timing. 
       "Ari-- Regan, what's up?" I smirk, she's even making me call her Ariel too. Riley laughs at my error and I look down at her. 
     "What is going on Flynn? You keep bailing on me. Can I come over today? I need to see you," No fucking way. 
     "No, you can't come over today. Riley needs her family around her today." I'm not leaving her and Regan won't help her mood. 
     "Why do you keep running after her? I am your girlfriend, I always come second best to her."
     "If you don't understand Reg then you know where the door is," I hear Riley gasp. What she annoys the fuck out of me?
     "Okay, I'm sorry I just hate to see you with her. I love you," she pleads. 
     "Well don't give me ultimatums then, especially first thing in the morning. Okay, I'll call you," I hang up without hearing her reply. My phone rings again, for fuck sake! Riley grumbles and climbs off me. No, don't go, she walks to the bathroom. "What?" 
    "What's wrong with you this morning?" Tyler mutters. 
    "Nothing, I'm tired and you are my third call in less than five minutes." 
    "Lazy shit, you're usually up at 7 anyway. Who called you?" 
    "Your Mom and Regan." 
    He laughs, "That's awkward whilst in bed with your ex. She's pissed as hell at you." 
    "I know, not the first time she's called with your sister in my bed," I smirk. 
    "Gross. I reckon Riley wouldn't be impressed with that." 
    "No, she wasn't she's quite the green-eyed monster, it's hot." 
    "I know she gets jealous. It's nothing new, how is she? You kept your hands to yourself right?" Riley walks back in and pulls out some panties from the draw and she slides them on. Hell! I like her pantiless.  
     "She's fine, bro. I know, I promised you did I not? I've kept my promise. I was just going to stick around and watch TV. You can join us if you want." Riley shakes her head at me and I smile. I pat the bed next to me as I find the remote for the TV. "How do you turn this thing on?" Riley bends down and taunts her backside in the air and turns the switch on. 
    She walks back to me and she curls up to me, "Are you sure she's okay? I'll come over if she's not." I flick through Netflix to find something to watch. 
    "Honestly bro, she's fine. I'd know if she wasn't. You can go back and shag your girlfriend now all you like. You don't have to worry about keeping quiet. You are fucking louder than her sometimes." Riley groans in disgust, "Just text me later when's she's gone, yeah?" 
    "Okay, bye Bro," he mutters. 
    "Bye bro," I end the call. "If anyone else calls I'm fucking ignoring it," I put my phone on the bedside table. "Anything you want to watch?"
     "No, I'm not fussy," I smirk, oh she's fussy. 
     "Johnny English? We will have enough time to watch all three today. If you want?"
     "You like Johnny English?" she seems surprised. 
     "He's funny as fuck, I like a bit of comedy." She frowns, "Why can't I like comedy?"
     "You can like whatever you want I just can't see the bad boy who moans about everything liking comedy." She laughs. I'll give her something to laugh about. I turn abruptly so I pin her against the bed and I start tickling her. 
     "I'm sorry, what did you say?" I tease and she laughs breathlessly. 
    "You moan about everything. You're the bad boy." I don't moan about everything but the last bit is accurate. 
     "I don't think I heard you quite right." I continue to tickle her, it's so good to hear her laugh especially after the last couple of days, hell, even the last couple of weeks. 
     She squirms underneath me, "Okay, Okay. You are my protective bad boy who likes comedy." That's more like it, protective over her. I release her and I sit up against the headboard. I lift my arm up and she cuddles up to my body. I stroke her back comforting her. I press play and turn it up. We watch the film together, this could technically class as another date right?
    We get into the film and she giggles. "What?" I ask. 
    "I'll make you some food. Pause it," I guess I am starving. Did she notice my stomach growling? She jumps out of bed and she leaves the room with a spring in her step. Man, it's so nice to see her happy and carefree again. I hear her moving around in the kitchen and I get up and quickly dress and I watch her cooking. She bends over and I growl. 
     I walk towards her and put my arms around her, "You should have put some bottoms on if you're going to bend down like that," I inform her. I graze my lips over her neck. She chops mushrooms whilst I hold her from behind. "You should come with a health warning." She throws her head back and laughs. I'm deadly serious. 
    She turns the hob on and she turns in my arms. I grab her hips and lift her onto the counter. I stand between her legs and she wraps around me pulling me closer to her. She grabs my face and she leans towards me and our lips collide. Hell, we are no good at this friends thing. I hold the back of her head and the small of her back with the other. "Ri," I pant into her mouth. 
    I need to stop but I can't, our kiss is only growing more urgent. Our connection is growing,  "We can't do this," I say feebly. 
      "Don't think so much," she pants. Touche, baby. I smirk recalling me saying the same to her before. 
     "Touché," I whisper. I tease her with my tongue piercing and we are both lost. She's a little minx, she can literally make me succumb to anything and I wouldn't complain. "I can't keep doing this," I let go of her head and I turn the cooker off. I lift her off the counter and I carry her towards the bathroom. "We will eat later, shower first." I kiss her lips as I carry her into the bathroom. 
    I set her on her feet making sure she's steady on her feet before I let go. I pull her panties down and discard them on the floor. I pull my top over head revealing her gloriously naked body. I use my feet to spread her legs wider. I use my hand to skim up her inner thigh to the apex of her thigh and she pushes me away. "What?"
     "I'm bleeding," she says horrified. I know but I need to fuck her. 
     I cock my head at her, "I'm well aware Riley, how can I fuck you with your tampon in?" she cringes and clamps her legs shut. Don't deny me baby. 
      "But--" she protests. I put my finger on her lips cutting her off. This worked last time. 
      "Do you want me to fuck you? Yes or no?" she thinks it over and then nods but she looks annoyed. "Good because I need to. Don't be so horrified, this is a part of you and I crave intimacy with you. I'd only do this with you, remember that."
     I push her feet apart again, "Now keep still so I can remove it," I whisper into her ear. She hides her face in the crook of my neck as my hand travels to the piece of string. I pull on it gently and it falls out of her. I toss it in the toilet. I grab her face so I can look at her, "Good girl, don't be embarrassed it's a natural thing."
     I kiss her lips and I lift her so she has to wrap her legs around me again. I carry her into the shower and I turn it on. "Fuck," I mumble into her mouth. I turn the temperature down, "Please stop putting it so high, you'll burn yourself." 
     "I like being burned, you burn me." I love burning her too but it's not the same. 
     "That's different and you know it." I ease into her gently and I hiss, "Is that okay? Does it hurt?" I've never fucked a girl on her period before so I wouldn't know. 
      She shakes her head, "Just fuck me, Flynn." Yes, boss, I pick up the rhythm and it feels so good. How can I say I'd be happy without sex? I could leave sex before her but this is something else. This is so much more intense. I let her persuade me into this. Hell! She didn't even do that. She seduces me without trying. She was cooking breakfast for god sake. Such a simple task and I act like a rampant rabbit.  
    I press her against the wall so I can thrust deeper inside of her. I grab her sweet body wash and I squirt it over our chests. She starts rubbing it into my chest and neck. "Do yours," I pant. She doesn't hesitate and she rubs it into her neck. Fuck she's so sexy, she continues down her chest and then she cups her tits. "Yes," I hiss and I thrust harder inside of her. She tilts her head back and starts playing with her nipples. "You're so erotic," I pound harder and faster into her. She turns me on like nothing else. 
    I take one of her hands and remove it from her tit and I bring my mouth to her nipple and I suck and nip and them. I use my piercing to tease her nipple. I take a breather and she rests her face in my neck. Wait, is she crying? "What's wrong, baby."
     "Nothing," Liar. I pull her face away and her eyes are red. I can't see the tears because of the water. I slow my thrusts but I cup her face. 
     "Tell me, I know you Ri."
     "I love you so much. I've never felt anything like this, nothing this. . . good. And yet you keep saying goodbye. You make me feel things deep inside of me, it scares me. That said it scares me more to say goodbye to you. I've never felt this strongly about anything and I'm to lose it."
     "I love you too, it has to be this way. I feel the same Ri but nothing has changed."
     "You keep coming back to me, I can drag this out," I smirk, yes she could and she's catching on fast but I need to tell her she can't. 
      "No, Ri, I'll just have to be stronger. This is the last time. Distance is what we need but I can't give you too much. I need to find a happy medium. I keep fucking up, I'll need to get better." She shuts her eyes in pain and I rest my forehead on hers, "I'm sorry baby if there was another way I would take it."
     "You love me," it's not a question but she needs me to say it. 
     "More than anything."
     "And you'll let me be near you every day?" Fuck, yes, try keeping me away. 
     "Yes," I promise. 
     "Then I can live with that." Can she? Can I? I pick up the rhythm as I continue to hold her. I fix her when we are connected like this. I used to hate girls talking during sex but it's how we connect. I keep saying this is the last time but I always cave. I can't live knowing I'm never going to have her again. She's mine, this separation has only proved that. She still trusts me implicitly, she still only wants me.