cynosure

i

August 22, 2014 | 8:29 pm | Friday

I struggle to smile sometimes. Not because I don't want to or I'm unhappy but because I can't. Lips open? Closed? How. I always find myself wondering if I'm smiling too hard or if my real smile looks fake. I try lifting my chin up and turning my head slightly to the left but that's not attractive or satisfying to the least. Then again, what is with me?

Harry knocked on the bathroom door at that moment and I turned around, "Hey, ready to head out? Vi is waiting." I nodded my head and grabbed my phone. I refused the mirror before I walked out but always regretted it afterwards. We walked down the hall of my old and ugly apartment building, passing by various holes in the walls and trash all over the floor.

Harry talked to me about my living situations once again as we decended the 12 flight of stairs because the maintenance man was too lazy to fix the only working elevator. The smell of shit, beer, and cigarettes filled my nostrols as one of my alcoholic neighbors, Rick, passed by with his unleashed dog. He grunted when he passed, as always, and flicked his cigarette bud away.

The front desk was never in use after I moved in, making me wonder how we always had new comers. Old Pinky was downstairs at the vending machine, which the maintenance man always had time to fix, getting yet another bag of cheetos. She then caned her way back down the bottom floor hall as Harry and I exited the building.

Kids were playing on the stairs and we had to duck and jump just to get pass their game of basketball, on the stairs I repeat. "HURRY UP!" Violet called from the car and honked her horn. Harry got into the front and I climbed into the back where Lucy would be in a few minutes. I rolled my window down instantly at the smell of cigarettes in such a small car. Violet stepped on the gas and drove off the down the street all while putting on her .99 cent lipsticks from the dollar store. She swears it's Chanel but forgets that I was there when she bought it.

She shoved it back into her fake Michael Korss bag and then proceeded to throw it into the back at me. That's probably why she's gotten into 3 car accidents in the last year. I was a victim of 2 of them but she never listens to me when I tell her to pay attention to the road and swears she can multitask while driving.

We pulled up to Lucy's house and she ran out quickly, followed by her crazy ass boyfriend Grey yelling at her. I moved over because I knew she wouldn't have mercy on me when she jumped into the car like her life depended on it; and so she did followed by her screaming for Violet to drive.

I remember when I was pulled into the quadruple friendship. Harry and I were the only sane ones but still Harry was a bit off. "Tushaya can I use that eyeliner you have?" Violet reached back for it.

"I didn't bring it," I told her.

"Ah you bitch, useless." She slammed her fist on the dashboard. She swerved around the corner and I checked the time even though I knew today was nowhere near over.

"What happened this time Lucy?" Harry turned around in his seat to ask her.

"He told me I couldn't go out and I threw a plate at him," she shrugged. That's better than what usually happens. I remember the first time I witnessed Grey and Lucy. He nearly choked me out before Harry pushed him off. But of course Lucy got back with him a few days later and blamed me for their argument when I was just trying to help. Violet pulled up to the house we were hanging at today. Everyone got out wuthout question, as usual, but I always found myself questioning where the hell I was. We went up to the door and Harry knocked.

Violet grabbed my chin and turned my face to her. "Oh come on Darling you look like a 5 year old did your makeup," she scoffed, wiping the side of my eye. "Why am I always fixing you?" Maybe because your standards are trash and I like looking like a regular female. The door opened and she pushed my face away quickly.

"Hey come on in," we all stepped in and I followed behind with a very observant mind. There were around 20-25 people in the house. Some on the stairs smoking, in the kitchen eating and smoking, some playng beer pong and some just standing around smoking, drinking and chatting. In conclusion this may be a promotion for a brand of cigarettes or something I don't really know but I do know that it's nothing I want to be apart of.