Surrounded

A "Fresh" Start

Izzy hated this. She loved Charlie, but she hated this town and hated the reason she was forced to come live with Charlie. Thinking about it...she almost broke down. She hadn't been there for Renee when it mattered most and Izzy felt in her heart that she was the reason for her mother's death.

Renee had always been manic-depressive, and Izzy was out with friends when her mother had a violently bad episode and made a decision that she couldn't take back. Izzy didn't even know until the next day when she got home.

Izzy had always had depression and anxiety for as long as she could remember. She usually coped by drinking and partying with friends. It was hard to be around Renee when they were so much alike...and neither of them getting help for it. Izzy thought she would always be there for her mother because she understood what her mother went through... She had failed Renee.

The thought tore her to pieces. An explosion of pain threatened to rip her to shreds, but she swallowed the emotion and fought hard to coerce the numbness back into place. After all, it would be so awkward to burst out crying in the car with her dad.

Charlie was trying to make small talk about how different Izzy looked and how he hated the circumstances but loved that she was with him. Izzy knew she should give Charlie more. He deserved more from her. She just couldn't hold on to her precious numbing blanket if she tried to have a conversation with him right now.

It was okay, though. Charlie, a man of few words, was talking for the both of them right now. He was just trying to help Izzy through this time of change and heartache. 

Izzy felt as though it should have been her instead of her mom...

"Isabella..?" Charlie interrupted her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry dad. What?"  

"I was just talking about how I got you all ready for school so that you can start tomorrow. Do you think you're ready? Don't worry about being  older than your classmates. If anyone gives you trouble, I'll rough them up." Charlie smiled at his attempt for a joke to lighten the fact that I had been held back my senior year. He was trying so hard, so I decided to answer him honestly.

"Honestly, dad, I don't know if I'll make it though the day...but I'd rather have school to distract me than sitting at home just thinking about-" Oh God. She went too far. She choked back a sob as tears started cascading down her cheeks.

Charlie didn't press her any further. Izzy turned up the radio to drown out the sounds of her crying. By the time they made it to Charlie's house, Izzy had her walls back up and had successfully returned to being numb.