why | djs

forty - six

alex had woken up around 10 am to an empty bed. she walked downstairs to see daniel sitting on the couch watching some tv.

"hey," he said as she walked over to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.

"hi," she said quietly. he turned off the tv and made his way over to her.

"what's wrong?" he asked standing across from her as she sat at the bar top eating a bowl of cheerios.

"i- i don't know. i need to tell you something but like,"

"but what?" he asked cutting her off.

"you won't like it. i mean i won't like it either." she looked up at daniel as he had a confused look on his face. he nodded his head for her to continue.

"i love you. you know that but ever since i've been sober i feel like i'm staying sober for the wrong reasons. i want to get high but i haven't because it would break your heart. i'm staying sober because of you, not because of me. i'm happy but i want to get high so bad."

"ok. what does that all mean?" he was confused. alex wasn't surprised. he wouldn't really understand since he hasn't been in her position.

"i need to learn to want to live. to want to stay sober for myself not for other people. so i think we should take a break for a little bit so i can learn to stay sober for myself," she saw his whole mood change. he wasn't happy. he was visible sad.

he loved her with his whole heart. she's his whole world and to imagine them not being together for even a little bit of time, was scary, frighten. he'd done everything with her. most of his life, she was in it.

"i don't want to," he said blankly. it wasn't because he didn't want her to stay sober for herself, it was because it literally has no idea how to live without her. it seems so foreign to him. impossible even.

"daniel. what happens if we get into a fight? if i'm only sober for you, i will have an excuse to use drugs again. us being apart is for me. i need to learn how to stay sober." at this point, they both had started to cry. neither one of them wanted to be apart. they loved each other very much but alex needed this and daniel knew this.

"okay. okay. how long though?" he asked wiping his tears.

"my sponsor told me to start at 30 days, no communication and if i need longer, then to take longer."

"30 days without you? oh my god." he shook his head.

"please," she begged him.

"okay. yeah. um, i'll go stay at my parents then. i'll go pack a bag and be out of your hair then," he started to walk away before alex called after him.

"don't leave. you can stay. i'll leave."

"no. you stay." he tried to convince her.

"everything here reminds me of you. i'll go stay with hallie." he nodded his head.

"i'll probably end up staying at corbyn's and jonah's since everything reminds me of you as well." they went their separate ways to pack up things they would need for the next month, maybe longer.

once they packed what they thought they needed, the both were standing in their driveway by their own cars, wondering what to do next. daniel made the first move, walking over to alex, wrapping his arms around her shorter figure.

"i love you so much," he said as he was trying to hold back his tears. he put his head in the crook of her neck as she whispered into his ear.

"i love you. we'll be okay daniel. i promise." with that, they went to their cars and left their shared house, to spend some time apart.