I know I sound like I'm making excuses but I'm trying not to its just so hard to get my thoughts out and express myself especially with writing because I'm just trying so hard and I have all these ideas that I just cant get on paper like my brain just freezes every time I try and it's so frustrating because I know I would be amazing if I could just get my thoughts out but I cant and people always tell me that I'm brilliant but I would do better if I just tried harder but what they dont understand is that I am trying I'm trying so hard yet it never works and I'm just so angry about it all the time and I'm always getting inspiration and every time I do I think maybe I can get it out this time but it always comes out messy and just an ugly jumble of words and every time it makes me so angry that I cant get it right and I read all the time I know how to write but because my brain just shuts down when I try to it just makes it completely impossible and when I try it just ruins everything because it's not enjoyable anymore and I just cant take it any more I'm genuinely considering not ever writing again because even my teachers are saying that it's bad and doesnt make sense and I tell them that it's the best I can do and that my mind wont ket me write what I really want to but they say I'm lying and making excuses so I'm stuck with all these incredible stories stuck inside my head that will never come out and it's just so tough at this point I'm always mentally drained and tired because I over exert myself just trying to write down a single sentence like how its appearing in my mind and I genuinely dont know what to do anymore because it's not like I dont know how to write like I do know but I just cant my brain doesnt work its caused by some disorder I cant remember the name of and I just hate it so much I want to be able to do something I love but every day this stupid thing is stopping so I might just stop altogether I may even just stop reading because it only makes me want to write more but I know that I cant and I'm tired of setting myself up for failure all the time and I really just can't do it anymore I hate to say it but it's true I really don't think I can write again and I know I just posted the announcement about the JSchlatt fic and I will be trying hard to make that one work but honestly I don't think it will I'm not that hopeful about it so anyways that's it I doubt anyone's even gonna read this but I just need to say that I an trying to write even if it seems horrible I'm trying so hard and I need people to know otherwise I will literally go insane from the embarrassment I feel every time I publish a chapter on any of my works um anyways I live you bye I'll see you soon maybe I'm not sure I may just completely delete this account sorry bye
