Ex's & Oh Nos

(24) Bucky's Hidden Playlist

Two months later 

Bucky had his phone connected to a aux cord playing his music. He was headed to his parents house to help his dad on the farm. Emily was at her parents house with all three kids with her so he was playing a playlist that he's had on his iTunes since he was 16. 

When he got down to the farm he plugged his headphones in and began to help. He milked a few cows he drove the tractor to till the land. 

"Son you alright.." James said 

"I'm fine dad.." he said 

"Brady said you haven't been your self for the last two months.." James said 

"And I'm fine okay. I just I've for a lot on my mind.." he said as he got back in his truck and left. 

He turned down the little gravel road behind his parents house. He opened up his glove box pulled out a little hot wheels. He walked over to a little grave stone that said "Matthew James Barnes." 

It wasn't his birthday but it was the day they found they were having him. He always laid little cars on his gravestone on that day and his birthday. 

"Mama is back home. She should be by to see you soon baby. I love you my boy.." he said as he kissed the top of gravestone.

Bucky left and headed home. When Emily got home he stopped the mower and helped her get the kids in. "Thanks." She said as she had their son Carter James in her hand. 

He put his headphones back in as he went to finish the yard. She looked down as she went back inside and got the girls settled. The next night they were headed back to his parents in his truck. 

"Are you okay?" She said 

"Yes I'm fine..why does everyone keep asking me that?" He said

"I don't know Bucky you aren't yourself here lately. Excuse me for trying to be a good wife." She said 

She grabbed his phone since it was already connected to his aux cord. She saw the Disney playlist for the kids. But his recently played is what surprised her. A playlist called "Mine Would Be You" the playlist consisted of sad love songs. Songs that had been added when he had just broken up with Nikki. 

And songs had been recently added. Her heart was racing as she put the phone back in his cup holder. When they got to his parents they got the kids inside. They had dinner to celebrate Winnie's birthday. While they had taken the kids outside to play Emily stayed behind. 

"Winnie do you think that James still loves Nikki?" Emily said as Winnie washed dishes. 

"I think my son will harbor feelings for her Emily. Him and Nikki had a baby..a baby boy. Matthew James. But when Nikki was 32 weeks she had to be induced because he no longer had a heartbeat. His birthday was March 20th. They don't know why..neither did the doctors. And as strong as he tries to be when it comes to her. She's always going to be apart of his heart she's always going to have a piece of it. They were each other's first loves." Winnie said 

"He never mentioned a baby..that's why he shot down Matthew as a name. I thought it was because of Nicole's maiden name." She said 

"Last name sweetheart." James said as he came in.

"She's separated they could still get back together.." Emily said 

"No honey. I mean yeah they could get back together. But Nikki came by here yesterday she said the divorce was finalized. She is a Matthews again." Winnie said 

"She was here.." Emily said 

"Yeah. Yesterday has always been a special day for them. It's the day they told us she was pregnant. And his name was Matthew James. That's also why he probably didn't want that name." Winnie said 

"Oh.." Emily said 

That night after they got home and everyone was in bed. Emily scrolled through the playlist while he slept. The next morning while she was cleaning up breakfast dishes he kissed her head and said "love you." As he left for work. 

The girls left with him to go to school. Emily took little Carter to her sisters and came back home. She began to pull their pictures of the wall and throw them against the floor as she screamed and cried. She sat against the wall as she began to bawl like a baby. When Bucky came home with the girls he set them up with a snack and went to find Emily. 

He saw all the glass and pictures. "Girls stay down there." He said as he kicked some of the glass away. 

He found Emily in their bedroom he checked her over. "Emily honey if you wanted new pictures frames all you had to do was ask.." he said 

She sat up he saw tears and red puffy eyes. "Emily.." he said 

"Do you still love Nikki?" She said 

"That's what that is about? Why would you ask me that Emily?" He said 

"Are you seeing her behind my back? Because you were at your parents Saturday and apparently she was too. So answer my questions?" She said 

"Emily I didn't see Nikki at my parents house. And no I don't love her cause I love you. She won't talk to any of us we are suddenly strangers to her. So no why would you even bring that up?" He said 

She pulled out his phone and pulled up the playlist. "Because this isn't happily in love with my wife and happy with my life this is I'm so sad I miss my ex.." she said 

"Emily..it's just songs." He said as he took his phone back. 

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby you had with Nikki." She said as she stood up. 

"Cause it was very hard and traumatic for the both of us Emily." He said as he started to change and left the room. 

Bucky swept up all the glass and picked up Carter from his sister in law. Emily still felt like he was lying to her so she wasn't in the mood for cuddles when it was time for bed. So Bucky grabbed his pillow and blanket. 

"Excuse me for listening to fucking music and not wanting to re hash a very traumatizing memory." He said and left the bedroom. He slept on the couch in the living room.