Treasure tales

Jaehyuk #11: Asking for help

"Jeongwoo-ya, please talk to me," Jaehyuk said forlornly for the millionth time. I have no idea why he's still trying, even though Jeongwoo made it extremely clear that he had no intention to act friendly with Jaehyuk. The rest of us had given up trying to figure out what's wrong with Jeongwoo a long time ago. Nobody had any idea what had sent the usual smiley boy into such a rage. After all, it seemed such a big deal to him that it had to be much more than Jeongwoo let on.

Jaehyuk, crestfallen, made his way to his bed and fell asleep almost immediately. I bit my lip as I watched him, feeling worried.

A few days have passed since Jaehyuk was permanently returned to us. That is, ever since Jaehyuk had stopped undergoing whatever odd treatment they had been administering to him. Since I knew next to nothing about the entire operation, it remained a mystery to me why they had suddenly stopped in those acts. I was just honestly relieved that Jaehyuk no longer had to endure it for the time being.

However, that was not to say that Jaehyuk was totally free from it, for the after-effects and consequences still remained on him. For one, he had become significantly more lethargic than he used to be. Compared to the number of hours he used to sleep back on earth, he now became sleepy at a faster rate and slept many more hours. The injuries and wounds he had received in the process still remained engraved on his body and wouldn't leave.

It frustrated me to say this but, we were totally at their mercy. I'm not sure if it's cabin fever or effects of claustrophobia acting on us, but it was clear to me that the Treasure members had grown increasingly agitated over time. Jihoon's plan to make Hyunsuk tutor the maknaes, for one, had fallen through when the maknaes vehemently refused to go through with it, and Hyunsuk eventually returned to his previous depressive state. I see the maknaes looking at his back guiltily sometimes.

If only we could return! The earth needed saving too.

I sat by Jaehyuk's bedside, carefully studying him. Medicine was a topic that had long held my interest, but I as merely a student was helpless. I groaned. There was no way I could help Jaehyuk right now. 

But if it was an otherworld ailment, one thing earthly medicines could not help with, then I wouldn't have been able to help him anyway, even if I knew all that there was to know about medicine.

"Rin!" I heard a voice call. I looked up in surprise. Hyunsuk was standing right in front of me, staring at me through glassy eyes.

That didn't matter, though. I was pleasantly shocked that Hyunsuk was even making an effort to talk to anyone anymore. The past few days had been heavy on him.

"Are you finally feeling better, Hyunsuk?" I asked.

"I'm so pathetic, right?" He asked musingly as he took his seat beside me and carefully stroked Jaehyuk's head while the exhausted man slept. "I'm the leader, but not only did I lead you all into this mess, I'm totally powerless to solve it. And then I've got to go and have a mental breakdown like this. That's not how a good leader should act."

"You have a lot of burden on your shoulders. It's okay to feel like this. Give yourself a break, you're not some perfect being who can solve everything," I said.

"I thought about turning back time so many times," Hyunsuk continued. "Then we could restart. Prevent everything from happening. But they're right. What's the point? Even if I turn back time. I can't change anything. I know nothing about them. I can't stop them. Everything will simply turn out exactly the same."

"Then we must make this world line count," I murmured. "We have to find out as much as we can. Then you may safely go back in time and do what is required to prevent this mess."

"But how?" Hyunsuk complained. "What do we do? What? I have spent every waking hour contemplating so very hard, but I am only suffering. I have hit a total roadblock."

"You know, Hyunsuk," I said. "Perhaps your problem is that you try to shoulder everything alone. Leaders aren't invincible. They can't possibly solve everything. And don't forget that you're not the only leader. If you can't trust us, can't you at least trust him? Share your burden with him instead of trying to shelve it all onto yourself?"

"Jihoon, huh?" Hyunsuk murmured. "He's such a good man. He doesn't even need to go this far, but..." 

The two of us turned to observe the second leader, who was busy talking to Haruto, Yedam, Junghwan, Asahi and Junkyu. I noticed that he had been the one responsible for keeping us all entertained and to make sure we don't lose our mind in these dire times. He was definitely a reliable guy.

"Mmurgekewals jvfdshjaks," Jaehyuk mumbled in his sleep. "It hurts..."

"See?" I complained. "If any of you even bothered asking for help sometime, or stop keeping secrets at the very least, we would've been saved so much trouble! But all any of you know how to do is keep it within yourself until...until..." I choked in anger.

"Rin..." Hyunsuk said.

Since young, it has always pained me to see anybody hurt. That is why I always tried to help them no matter what. I would go to the greatest lengths to make anybody and everybody smile.

"Jaehyuk! Just keep your mouth shut. Nobody has to know anything about you, got it? All you have to do is keep smiling and being the kind person you're supposed to be. Just keep that facade on. Fake it till you make it. One day, it will truly be who you are."

"I want to be a kind person. If only I remained kind, then everybody will keep smiling. They don't have to know anything about me. If they did concern themselves with my problems, they'll just become sad. Nobody should have to experience sadness because of me."

Everything changed when I met him. He was so small, and so vulnerable,  and so frightened of the big world. Perhaps, just a little, resembled me in that sense. He was somebody I could devote myself into caretaking. Then I could finally always be useful. I could be useful. But now, even he has rejected me.

I'm so tired, I'm so tired, I'm so tired...

My only worth is in helping others, and making them smile. That's all I am worth. And if I should drop my act, what is to become of me? What will be left inside me?

"Saranghae!" I loved saying that the most, to everyone and everyone. And especially to him. I know that when I say it, it makes others happy. It is after all a phrase that could raise anybody's self worth. It was an affirmation that they weren't bad people, and that they could be loved. It was validation.

Nobody says it to me. That is okay. It is okay if my self worth continues to amount to nothing while theirs rise. As long as...

It hurts.

Help me. Help me. Help me.

"Did you hear something?" I asked. 

Hyunsuk nodded. "It does seem like Jaehyuk is saying something in his sleep, but I can't make out what it's supposed to be."

I frowned. "There's nothing I could say or do unless he chooses to open up. But you know," I said as an afterthought. "I keep many secrets myself. Perhaps I was a little too harsh just now, I apologize. There are many reasons why people keep secrets, and I know that all to well. I was honestly just a little frustrated. The cabin fever probably got to me, too."

Hyunsuk chuckled. "Cabin fever, huh," He murmured bitterly. "Blaming everything on cabin fever. That's ice."