Lord of the Fruit Flies

Have you ever been involved in such an odd spiral of events that you have to wonder, Jesus fuck, how did we get here? 

Well for me, it all started with a banana.

I was playing Raid: Shadow Legends with my dog, Bennett, earlier today when my stomach grumbled and I remembered that I'd skipped breakfast. I paused the game and walked into the kitchen to grab a snack, and settled on a piece of fruit from the bowl on the counter.

I grabbed a banana from the bowl, and a small shower of about ten or twenty tiny bugs flew into the air. My only thought was "Goddammit, it's fruit fly season again," but didn't think much more of it, so I threw a paper towel over the bowl and moved on with my life.

I took the banana back to my gaming chair, but before I could press play, I looked down at my keyboard to see that fruit flies were crawling in the cracks and crevices between the keys.I groaned and unplugged it, taking it to the garbage can to shake out the flies. After tapping it over the can for a good five minutes, it seemed that the more I shook, the more flies fell out.

"Fuck it," I said frustratedly, and threw the whole keyboard into the trash. I powered up the Xbox and decided to start on the banana while I waited.

I peeled it open and almost took a bite, but screamed and recoiled in fear when I saw hundreds of fruit flies plastered to its surface.

I stood up and brushed fruit flies off of my pants and swatted them away from my eyes, trying to remain calm. Ok. I obviously have an infestation. But infestations happen all the time right? All I have to do is call the exterminator and hopefully they'll be gone.

I grabbed an ancient phonebook from a drawer (of course, there were fruit flies squished between the pages) and flipped until I found a reliable-looking extermination service; Biological Bug Control, 240-xxx-xxxx. I punched the number into a handset, and there were a few dialtones before a raspy voice answered.

"Biological Bug Control, this is Fletcher, how can I help you?" it said.

"Yes hi, there are millions of fruit flies in my house and I need to get rid of them as soon as possible," I said hurriedly. "Can you get here today?"

There was quiet on the other side, but I could here the phone being jostled and things being moved in the background, "Yeah, I got you. Lotta people have this problem around this time of year," Fletcher said after a bit. "Does five o'clock work?"

I looked at the clock, which said 4:56. "Uh, yes that's great, thanks. See you at five," I said as I hung up the phone.

There's no way he'll get here that quickly, I thought as I put the phonebook back in the drawer. I looked back at the banana and shuddered, which was now so thickly smothered in fruit flies that I couldn't even see the peel anymore.

Ding dong.

I grabbed a mask and ran to greet the exterminator. "That was fast-"

A stout man with an wearing a mask and sunglasses pushed past me into my house and started inspecting everything. He pushed his nose into every corner and left no object unturned, occasionally nodding or pulling down his mask and deeply inhaling.

He took extra care to inspect one corner in particular, the one closest to my gaming set up. Not only had the floor around it been covered by a solid carpeting of flies, but the corner itself had been completely engulfed. The collective mass of fruit flies was so dense, I could probably scoop it up with a glass and drink it. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

"So... how bad is it?" I asked.

"Shh!" he grunted to me. "We musn't disturb them!"

"Oh, ok..." I said. "Quiet down, bud!" I shouted to my dog, who was barking and sputtering as his lungs filled up with flies, the air was thick with them.

Fletcher turned to face the corner (that was now pitch black with insects) and used a bare hand to scoop up flies and let them fall though his fingers like sand. I cringed, but then it occured to me that he didn't have any extermination equipment.

"Uh, Fletcher?" I asked cautiously. "How are you going to get rid of them if you don't have any pesticides?"

"Why the fuck would we want to get rid of them?" he growled as he whipped around angrily to face me.

"Because... you're an exterminator?"

He began to cackle. A low buzz began to emit from his body. He took off his sunglasses and flung them across the room to reveal bulbous and reflective eyes that seemed to stare into my soul.

I screamed and jumped back in shock. I couldn't tell if what I was seeing was real or just a dream.

His torso started expanding rapidly, violently stretching and ripping his clothes until they were mere shreds of fabric hanging from the huge hairs that had sprouted on his body. All of his limbs lengthened, bearing resemblance to giant black stalks of bamboo. The worst part were the wings, those giant papery wings the size of windows that beat the air like helicopter blades, stirring up tornadoes of fruit flies.

This was madness. Insanity. A giant fruit fly was standing in my living room, knocking things over and devouring the aforementioned banana. I felt like I was going to be sick.

It was then that I noticed them. The holes. My skin looked porous and spongey, and it itched as a tiny fruit fly burrowed its way through each one. I screamed and tried to brush them all off, but the monster in my living room just cackled again.

"Once they're in, they'll never get out!"

I did all I could do, I threw open the back door and booked it to the woods behind my house. I scrambled up a tree and continued to slap at my skin, praying to be rid of the awful itch that accompanied the flies.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it occured to me that I'd left poor Bennett behind!

I jumped out of the tree and sprinted back in to grab him, but I almost threw up at what I saw. The giant fruit fly had torn off both of his ears, exposing his bare skull, and was now beginning to devour his limbs like candy.

"Bennett!" I cried. He moaned and whimpered in response, his fur plastered down by the pool of dark red blood he was sitting in.

When the fly ripped off his tail and shredded it in his mouth, Bennett howled in agony and I just went ballistic.

"Get away from my dog!" I yelled as I grabbed a bar stool and heaved it over my head, bringing it down on the mostrosity as hard as I could. The stool barely made a crack in its thick exoskeleton, but it recoiled and buzzed in pain. Or anger.

It fixed its huge eyes on me. I didn't need a crystal ball to see what would happen next. I ran past the corpse of my dog and through the infested house as it chased me, trying to throw as much crap as I could in its way.

I threw open the back door once again and sprinted out to the woods, still scratching and pulling at my skin, which was becoming bloodied and raw.

The fly relentlessly chased after me through bushes and brush, but eventually the trees became too thick and close together for it huge wings to fly properly. I still kept running for dear life, praying to God for it to get stuck in a tree or something.

Once I could run no more, I hoisted myself up into another tree once the buzzing of the fly got farther and farther away. As I'm furiously typing all of this nonsense, my skin and my sanity is getting ever more torn apart as each minute goes by.

All I'm hoping for is for one person to learn from my experience, and if I don't make it out alive, oh shit I can hder thr buzzig getying clihser agin i wolk post