My Thread

1- Prologue

Harry's POV

November 2015

So I sit here, the edge of my bed, a bottle in my hand, 5 more on the floor.  The cigarette still burning between my fingers, in which yours used to stay, is slowly starting to suffocate the room while I blankly stare at the three empty packs scattered across the floor.

I fell, and I can't reach the ladder to climb back up.

I look up, the TV is off, but I can hear it on, your favorite cartoon on the screen.  You sitting cross legged on the edge of the bed while I sit behind you playing with your hair.

To my right is the nightstand, where your keys, favorite book, and endless pages of uniquely crafted songs written inside.  Some for my eyes only.

Then I look behind me, eyes down staring at the empty cold space on the bed.  I can see you there, my mind is playing tricks on me.  This isn't fair.  You're laying there, with me, I face the window while you're the bigger spoon.  Hands around my waist, your face in the crook of my neck.  I can feel your chest rise and fall.  The small humming coming from you to help me slowly fall asleep.  No one else could hear it, because you were mine, and it was only for me.  I smile softly at the sweet small memory.  Missing the feeling of your touch on my skin.  My face is wet, wait.  When did I start crying?

I look up at the door this time, and all the bad memories come flooding in.  I am reminded of why I am like this, why I am so fucked up now and broken.  There I am, standing on one side of the room while you have your hand on the door, ready to run.  We've been arguing for the past hour.  

"I saw those pictures and I saw those videos and now I see the real you." tears are now streaming down my face.  My face is red, and I have a pounding headache.

"Look, Harry!  Just look at them!  You can clearly see I don't want anything to do with it!"  Louis is now pleading with me to look at them, but how can I look at the one I loved, and who was supposed to love me, kissing this girl he claimed to hate so passionately?

"I am looking, I am looking Louis!  I can see your lips pressed against hers, that should be ME with you in public, that should be US together in the papers and all over the news being photographed by paparazzies.  That should be me holding your hand in public, kissing you at the red carpet.  We're not even allowed to go on a Starbucks run together for crying out loud!  And you're out there with her doing all these things I should be doing with you.  I'm so tired of it!" Louis looks at me with a blank stare, there is nothing he can do or say now.

"Haz I-"

"We made a deal that you would not be locking lips with her, a promise.  Can you explain to me why-" I am cut off by a notification on my phone.  Louis reaches for it but it's too late.  I've already seen what he doesn't want me to see.  The breakup article.

"Oh I get it, you want to be with her now.  You're so selfish that you couldn't even speak to me about it first.  Get out." I'm so angry, the tears won't fall anymore.

He reaches for my face, "Haz just let be explain-"

"No!" I back up, falling on the bed.  "Do NOT call me that, do not touch me, do not speak to me ever again.  I don't want to see you."  He takes a step closer.  "GET OUT!"  And with that, he turns towards the door, fingers on the handle.  He turns around, looks back at me with his eyes rimmed with tears.  I turn around to face the window, he leaves, and doesn't say a word.

There are now tear stains on my face from how long I've been crying.  My hair's a mess, I haven't gotten dressed for a few days, I haven't showered since last Tuesday, and my room is destroyed.  My head is empty, my thoughts are non existent.  I am broken.  I am angry, I am sad, I am hurt.

I can't find the thread to sew this broken heart back to one.  Even with that thread, I'll still have scars, even though they can't always be seen.  So I sit here, feeling so defenseless while I listen to my phone vibrate louder and louder on the nightstand.  I know it's you, but I won't pick it up.  I can't hear your voice again, those empty and broken promises begging for forgiveness once again.  The last time we were face to face, you just stood there while I cried out "Don't let me go."

The vibrating gets louder, I turn off the phone and crawl into bed, tired of sleeping alone.  Alone in this double bed.  It's cold, but it doesn't matter.  You are with her and happier, and I'm sorry I was never good enough for you.

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Author's notes

Hello!  This is my first chapter of my book, and my first time writing Fanfiction.  I'm sorry if it's not good.  I also doubt anyone is going to find this and read it, but one can only hope.  I am going to try and get a chapter out once every other week, maybe I'll even have the chance to get one out once a week on Saturdays.  Please tell me what you think, and your predictions for the future on this story.  I'm also not sure if I'm going to continue using first person, or go to third person POV.  I think for flashbacks like this chapter, it'll be first person, but for the rest it'll be third, I'll be sure to specify so it's not confusing.

Also, the italics in this chapter were Harry remembering things that happened in the past in case you were confused.  Thanks for reading!  I hope to get the second chapter out soon.