Love is one of the things I'll never really understand. When thinking of someone I love, I'd immediately say my mother. She's my landmark, the whose shoulder I'll cry on. She's all my world, my earth, my sun, my everything. She's the reason I wake up every morning and one of the reasons why I keep breathing everyday.
But sometimes, when I'm all alone in bed, when I'm all by myself, I start to think about boys. Especially one. I know I shouldn't be saying this... I mean, what noble lady would allow herself to say certain things about a boy?
I've recently found out that even if I'm so young and I don't really know much about boys or love, I can say that I think I may love one.
Lord Tewksbury, he definitely is not a gentleman and I could say he doesn't really know how to prove his "love" but in short, let's face it, he's cultured and he's a lord and this makes him both snobbish and almost smart.
With this I don't wanna say that I "love" him, it's definitely not love what I feel for him but otherwise I can say I kind of like the way he talks, and how he smiles, and I like his hair, and... okay well, Enola you're a lady now, contain yourself.
I mean why can't people just express their feelings nowadays? Isn't it kind of strange how a girl can't tell everyone who she likes? I mean, this is my diary and I'm going to write everything I want to, right?
As I was saying before my multiple thoughts interrupted my speech, I'll never understand love. Even if I'm trying my best to understand this crazy feeling bigger than everything imaginable.
So now I think I'll just clear my mind, hoping Tewksbury won't find my diary and no one else will. As I said, I kind of think this is my only way to express my feelings even tho i really hope society will understand in future that love isn't a taboo.
