The Crossroads of Commitment: A Mother's Love

The Crossroads of Commitment

****Dedicated to my amazing mom who has been there for me through thick and thin, and who has always encouraged me to follow my passions. I love you Mom! ♥****

You're standing there, at a crossroads. There are two paths you could take. Follow your mother's dream of you becoming a manager at a major financing company, or pursue your love of writing. You know that your mother's wish will almost certainly give you a more steady income, but this romance between you and your writing is a flower sprouting out of the harsh soil prying rocks out of the way to survive.
As you consider your options, you take out your notebook and start to write out an idea for a story. You'll call it "The Crossroads of Commitment". You like how it sounds and you feel it describes your conflict perfectly.
You think of your day to day life, in your apartment, pouring yourself over your studies, knowing, no, desperately hoping that someday it will all pay off. Your mother believes that the more effort you put into your assignments, the more likely you are to succeed. If she could see the chaos going on inside your mind she would see otherwise. If she saw the storm raging, she would know, This is what makes Alyssa's writing so passionate, that is if she ever read your writing. She obsesses over the numbers and statistics of college and a stable career that creativity doesn't seem to enter in. You know that if you pursue writing, you may never speak to your mother again because she will be so ashamed of you and your choice. But on the other hand, if you pursue business, you will never really be proud yourself and who you've become. She respected your brother when he became a high paid designer at one of the world's most well known technology companies, but you find no passion within yourself for that type of life.
The conflict is eating you away through your last couple of years of college where you still don't know what you're majoring in. Writing is your love, business is your stress; loneliness is your dread, your mother is your whole. These notions feed you as you continue to write while also studying for the life your mother sees in you.

Months pass by before you finally make your decision. You are still lost between the love for your mother and your love for writing. Yet, in the end, the choice becomes clear, if your mother can't love you for who you've become then she doesn't need to be a part of your life. You express yourself through your words and if your words aren't appreciated, than neither are your feelings or creativity.
When you finally tell your mom, she has a look of shock on her face and tears start to well up in her eyes. You know that you need to convince her that this is important to you and that you are good at it but you start to regret your decision as she seems disappointed. You begin to apologize but as you open your mouth, your mother starts to smile. With tears still in her eyes she says, "I love you so much and nothing could ever change that. I just want the life that is best for you and if you think that writing is what that life is, then by all means pursue it. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you to do something you knew you wouldn't enjoy. You are a beautiful young woman and I'm so proud of you."
You stutter as you try to find the words. You had expected her to completely turn her back on you and forget you ever existed but this is the 180 opposite.
You decide to show her the short story you wrote called "The Crossroads of Commitment", which you feel will sum up the thoughts in your mind about this excruciating decision and you think your mom should see it.
When your mother reaches to grab the packet, you hesitate, then begrudgingly hand it over. As she's reading it, you can see the expressions on her face turn very solemn. She is barely into the 2nd page when she says," You want to waste your life doing this??? When you could be earning money at a high paying company, you decided to write words on paper. I'm so disappointed."
This is when you feel tears well up in your eyes. She flat out stated that she would support you and that she was proud of you. But no. You were right all along. You chose to pursue your dream, to write stories for people to enjoy, and your mother, your own mother who has raised you through the good and the bad, to be the person you've become, has refused you, all because you don't want the life that she wants for you. You are heart-broken. You leave her house without saying goodbye, without a hug, without the kiss on your forehead. This is by far, the most challenging moment of your life but you know that your mother cares about you and your wellbeing, she's just being irrational, you tell yourself. You try have faith that in a couple days she will come running to your house and apologize for her behavior and tell you that she loves you.
A couple of days pass and still nothing. At this point, you start to become worried that your previous anticipation of your mother shunning you is becoming reality. You graduate college in a few weeks and you are now worried that she won't be there. You still love your mother and had just hoped she would be proud of you. You try to remember what was in the memoir you showed her, trying to figure out what made her mad. You go into your file cabinet and grab the duplicate packet of the story that she read. When you get to the second page, you see what made her upset. You wrote about her.
You explained in your memoir, on the second page, about your mother's longing for you to be in business. You wrote about her pressure, her persistence, and her irritability. When you showed it to her, she probably thought you were going to publish these things about her to show the whole world. This is when it hits you, you are the one who needs to apologize, no, not apologize, explain. You can't apologize for expressing yourself, but you can explain why you did.
You get in your car with the packet sitting idly on the passenger seat and you drive to your mom's house. When you get there, you decide to knock on the door instead of just letting yourself in because you realize your mom might not want to see you. The realization of that hurts you but you still have to try. Your mom just needs to see the purpose of writing, how the story is told, the effect it has on the reader and most importantly, the effect it has on the writer whose soul gets splattered all over the ink stained paper.
You knock once, no answer. You knock a second time, no answer. You think to yourself, Third time's the charm, in hopes that your mom will answer the door. As you lift your hand to knock on the door one last time, you hear a screech behind you on the street. You turn around just fast enough to catch a glimpse of your mom less than a foot behind you, with her arms outstretched. She embraces you with the most love you've felt since middle school when she wasn't yet thinking about your career path. As she starts to speak, you cut her off, "Mom, I'm so sorry about what I wrote in the story I showed you. I just wanted to write about this period off my life to show yo-". Your mom cuts you off, "You don't need to apologize to me, honey. It's me who needs to apologize. I didn't realize how important writing was to you, nor how talented you are at it." She starts to choke up. "I am proud of who you've become and I am so happy that you decided against the path of business. Your brother is one fine tech-head but you have your own passions and I need to respect that."
You stand there in awe before you begin to speak, "Mom, I.... thank you." The thoughts rolling through your mind are at a loss of words as is your mouth. You do the only thing any one would do in a situation like this, you give your mom a huge hug and begin to cry. "I love you so much," You stammer. You know this a great start to a career of love and happiness. No numbers or computers, and a mom who loves you more than anything in the world.
A week later, your mom is in the audience as you accept your diploma from your professor and wave it high in the air to show the world what you can accomplish when you set your mind to soar in the things you love most. Days prior, you had finalized your major to be in Creative Writing but had minored in Business just in case, as well as finished your story, The Crossroads of Commitment just in time to get it published as a best seller. Your mom is extremely proud of you and can't wait to read your writing, even if it does mention her. This is the most accomplished you have ever felt and you are so happy your mom is along for the ride. You never live to regret your decision and you now know to always go with your gut when life throws a crossroads at you.

~~~~~~~~

You are sitting in front of the publisher who is reading your final draft of The Crossroads of Commitment and all the while you try to translate her facial expressions. She seems entranced which you figure is a good thing but aren't completely sure. The book is a truthful story about your relationship with your mom and the challenges you went through to get her to accept your passion, but it's not true in the sense that your mother would never say or do any such things to you. In reality, it only took an extensive long-winded conversation to convince her that writing is your joy. In the end it worked out and she is now waiting in the car for you to come out saying your book got accepted.
The publisher looks up from the packet with a smile and says," I've never seen anything so relatable. Many aspiring authors will relate to this book and so will many teenagers who find a hobby that their parents disagree with. I think this will make a great book and we would love to publish it."
You sit there in shock. No one has ever said such things about your writing. You can't decide if you like her comments or are taken aback by them or both. You start to regain awareness as you say," Oh my gosh... oh my gosh....OH MY GOSH!!! Can you give me 5 minutes so I can run to my car really quickly?"
The woman gives you permission and you sprint out of the office and down the wooden stars as fast as your long legs can carry you. When you get to your car you are out of breath but euphoric. "Mom....come...here....NOW" You say through staggered breath.
"Is everything ok, honey?" She says.
"Yah, better than." You grab her hand and run back up the stairs and into the publisher's office.
"Mrs. Griffin, this is my mom, you know the woman in the story?"
"Ah yes, nice to meet you." They exchange a handshake.
"Can you say what you said to me after you read my story one more time so my mom can hear it? Please?" I beg.
"Of course. Have a seat." She gestures to the chair adjacent to me for my mom. "Out of all of my years as a publisher, I've never seen anything so relatable. Many aspiring authors will relate to this book and so will many teenagers who find a hobby that their parents disagree with. I think this is a great story and we would be honored to publish it."
You take a glance at your mom who, like you 10 minutes earlier, is sitting in shock. You reach over to her and put your hands on her shoulders.

"Mom, I'm going to be a published author."

"I'm so happy for you sweetheart! I knew you'd be great!" She says through stifled sobs in the midst of the most rewarding hug.
As a last minute decision, you ask, "Mrs. Griffin, could I please take a picture with you, you've changed my life."
"Sure, honey." She said with a smile.

On the drive home, you're in disbelief that anyone would want to read your book, but you are also so grateful that the struggle with your mom that you wrote about, didn't actually happen.
Thankfully, now you know, that no matter the crossroads, you will always have your map to guide you along the way, who just so happens to be in the form of the best mom you could have ever imagined.