Thank you

Thank you...

Thank you for never leaving me alone,
Even though I fall short from what you asked me to show
I'm a grown man, but I still have so much left to grow
and even though I act like there is nothing I don't know
you know my mind is hallow and my wisdom is low
Can't even raise my head to tie your shoes if you had any
Can't understand why you chose to help me out, out of so many
I'm broke, but you never allowed my poverty to make me feel choked
Can't buy a meal, but you never allowed my stomach to experience hunger and it's truly desperate feel.
I don't have a place to call home, and yet you never allowed me to be cold and alone
You have truly been my savior in everyway possible
you constantly renew me when my soul feels weak, feeble and unlovable
What have I done to deserve such attention?
when I know I don't deserve not one thought, not one side look, not even the weakest of your emptiest and hollowest of affections.
I'm afraid that you'll leave my side
for I know I can't survive if you're not there to influence and guide
and I know my selfish ways makes it difficult to keep me in your sight
and your comforting whispers are often blocked my evil pride
Everything I do should be a reason for you to let go and let the darkness consume me
yet you keep on whispering and calling me staying by my side so that evil has no choice but to flee
for years now you've been seeing me roam aimlessly on my elbows and knees
heartbroken from seeing how much I will suffer, when he comes and counts my sins and totals their evil fee.
Dear God, Dear Father, Dear all that is good, Dear Protector, Dear Power of all powers, Dear Creator
Allow me the humbleness and the wisdom to see beyond my own sight and witness something greater
I don't want to be one of the souls yelling your name from the darkness below
to live and eternity without your comfort brings fear to even think I can be left so lost and hollow
I want to be a servant for you right NOW
But i feel i'm too weak, too stupid, too selfish, too unworthy somehow
I've shamed you so much already
how can anyone take me serious when spiritually i'm so shamefully filthy?
The life I've built, i've built unknowengly to go againts you
I've even led some away from your word and killing the chance of them becoming spiritually new.
I'm so sorry for all the wrongs i did againts you and your son
but I want to change and grow and know what I have to do so that I no longer have to run.
But like I said i'm weak and words are easier to say
I don't want to let you down for my debt to you i know I can never repay
How do I tap into the strength to keep me going spiritually day to day?
What can I do to keep this feeling of gratitude and prevent me from going astray?
Right now I feel greatful, humble, and vulnarable.
but i'm selfish and prideful and tommorow I can feel strong, capable and unstopable.
I want to keep being good and expecting good from everyone new I meet
I don't want to judge, allow my heart to harden when they do me harm, when they lie steel or cheat.
I want to still wish them good after they have deliberatly stompped on my feet.
I want my heart to remain loving them and lovingly still give up my seat.
Please mold me to your liking
so that you can be proud of me my merciful King
thank you so much for staying near
and I'm so sorry for falling short everyday sinning without fear
teach me to be a soldier of your word
and a walking example so that even without words I can be heard.

written by Joshue Zalasar