The Sokovian Twins

Chapter 13 - I'm off the Deep End

Steve stood hunched over the bathroom counter, trying best to control his soft sobs as he tried to drown out those visions. He didn't want to wake Megan, after finally getting her to break down in front of him, it took most of the night to get her calmed down and put her to bed. Now, she was sleeping peacefully, although he still saw her body tremble and he knew the nightmares were back. His hands gripped the counter until his knuckles were white as he tried to breathe deeply in and out, just like the one-week team therapist had told them.

Tony had arranged team therapy sessions after the Kronos incident, which had admittedly, shaken up everyone pretty badly. Seeing a kid's body splatter all over you and New York City wasn't exactly easy to forget and get over. However, the therapy sessions were a joke and the team would often center that as their ridicule, laughing at the suggestions the therapist made. It was probably because people on the outside didn't know how hard it was for the Avengers, they might have been Earth's mightiest heroes, but that didn't excuse them from being liable to emotional pain.

The emotional wall that hit Steve today when Megan was healing Wanda was unbelievable as he remembered his dead baby and more importantly, Megan's slit throat. The one thing that brought joy into his desolate world of never ending pain, loss and battle to protect, was Megan and if she was taken away from him, he was sure that he wouldn't be able to cope and would eventually die as well.

Just those very thoughts brought him to his knees as his breathing became laboured and panicked, he tried to control it, but his mind had other ideas. Steve didn't want to tell anyone, but he was pretty sure he faced anxiety and PTSD issues and this was one of those moments that the anxiety piqued to high levels that left him a unmovable puddle on the floor. Megan woke up hearing small whimpers and quick breaths, she looked to her side to see the bed empty and she got up.

She found Steve in the bathroom, curled into a small ball as he rocked himself back and forth, trying his best not to let his sobs louden. Megan walked up to him and in silence and no judgement, picked his head up and laid it in her lap as she ran soothing fingers over his face and in his hair. She remembered going to prison to meet her uncle and hearing him sing this song to her as she cried in his lap, telling him about her mom and dad and generally everything.

She took a deep breath, a nervous wreck as she started to sing very softly, "Tell me somethin', girl/Are you happy in this modern world?/Or do you need more?/Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?" Steve gasped as he heard Megan's melodic voice ring out, he closed his eyes and hummed, listening to her and finding himself put at ease by her magnificent voice. "I'm falling/In all the good times I find myself/Longin' for change/And in the bad times I fear myself"

Steve could feel himself relate to the lyrics easily, he was longing for change in his life, happy change, a change that would set him and Meg free to live as they wished. He did fear himself in the bad times, he was scared of how his temper was uncontrollable when he was in that deep mind spiral that fucked with him.

Megan took a deep breath before continuing, closing her eyes as her voice rang out clearly but her body trembled. "Tell me something, boy/Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?/Or do you need more?/Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?" She felt Steve nod in her lap, his sniffles coming out quietly as his tears soaked her bare thighs. "I'm falling/In all the good times I find myself/Longing for a change/And in the bad times I fear myself" Steve hummed along with the tune, losing himself in this moment.

Megan's steadied her breathing to get the octave just right, as she breathed in and sang as if this would be her last chance to, "I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in/I'll never meet the ground/Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us/We're far from the shallow now" Steve hugged Megan tighter to him, that's all he wanted, to be far away from the pain, the anguish, the hurt, the everyday mental torture. He wanted to be far away from all this pain that he was labouring in himself, the very pain that was driving him crazy.

He watched Megan's face as her eyes closed and her head swayed with the tune, "In the shallow, shallow/In the shallow, shallow/In the shallow, shallow/We're far from the shallow now/Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh/Whoah" He had burned the lyrics, Megan's voice, this very moment into his mind and when Megan began singing the chorus he joined in. Sitting on his knees, he bringed her face closer to his as he poured his heart into the lyrics.

"I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in/I'll never meet the ground/Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us/We're far from the shallow now" He wiped the single tear that was rolling down Megan's cheek as he sang alongside her, their breaths mingling in the close proximity. Megan was astonished to hear Steve's amazing, warm, rich voice sing out the tune that she had fallen in love with when her uncle sang it to her the first time.

"In the shallow, shallow/In the shallow, shallow/In the shallow, shallow/We're far from the shallow now" They finished and looked at each other, their eyes portraying a million emotions, their silence saying a million words as they simply enjoyed the moment with one another. "We need Tony to get that song on the Karaoke machine." Megan laughed at Steve as she held him tighter. "You ok?" Steve took a shaky breath as he nodded, "I am now."

***

Natasha had heard the faint singing and she pressed her ear to the wall, trying to move around in the bed so that Pietro wouldn't wake up on the other side. He had graciously offered to sleep on the floor but Natasha insisted on him sleeping on the bed. After seeing his hesitation, she built a pillow fort between them, so as to give him his privacy and they slept on opposite edges of the bed. Now she got up gently, and pressed her ear to the wall that led to the bathroom, hearing Megan sing softly.

"I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in/I'll never meet the ground/Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us/We're far from the shallow now" Natasha raised her hands to her face as she let her emotions out, she cried softly as she heard the tune. She cried knowing that she wanted children so badly but could never have them, she cried knowing that the one man she fell in love with now wanted to kill her, she cried knowing that the couple she was falling in love with now would never accept her. She cried remembering seeing that blood splatter over her, it still gave her nightmares.

Pietro woke up to soft sobbing and looked at the side to see Natasha, facing the wall, on her knees in bed. Her body shook and her hands were covering her face so Pietro assumed she was the source of the crying. "You know, talking to someone might help. I may be flirty, but I am a great listener." Natasha chuckled softly through the tears as she took a deep breath and wiped her face, "I'm sorry, I don't usually show my emotions like that. I don't know what got into me." Pietro shrugged, "It's a human trait."

He waited patiently for Natasha to offer some sort of response as to why she was so upset in the middle of the night, but he was met with stony silence. Just when he thought he wouldn't get anything out of her, he turned around to go back to sleep. "It still haunts me, you know." She began softly, he turned around and looked at her, "What does?" She sat down on the bed, bringing her knees to her chest as she hugged them, "The image of when he died." Pietro nodded, knowing what she was talking about now.

He took each individual in the makeshift wall between the two and threw them away, crawling over to her side of the bed and pulling her in for a consoling hug. "Sometimes those things imprint themselves in our mind and no matter how hard we try, we can't forget. Maybe the only solution is to not try to forget, but to try to remember." Natasha mulled over his words as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "You know, you're quite muscular for a 17 year old." Pietro chuckled, "It's the enhancement... but yeah, I was always hot."

"My point is, you need to keep that in your memory and accept that you failed, this way, you'll know better then to make the same mistake twice." Natasha nodded, actually taking his suggestion into consideration. "You're also quite wise for a 17 year old." Pietro shrugged, "I still don't know how the ladies can keep their hands off of me. I am what they call... a whole package?" Natasha smirked, "A complete package, but close enough." Pietro let out a soft chuckle as he pressed his lips to her red hair.

Nat sighed, letting her body relax in Pietro's arms. She was glad to have finally found a friend that understood her so well. She always had Clint, but he sucked at giving advice and didn't know how to act around her when she was emotional since he blocked his emotions often times too. But now, well now she had Pietro, someone who could offer her a shoulder to cry on and Natasha was glad that the two kids were on their team. She thought that once this was over, she would convince Pietro to stick around just so she could have him close on the team, her friend.