Was it all worth the risk?

chapter 1:where it went from there

Problems and more problems but only the beginning of them.

Johnnie's pov:
One day ive randomly decided i wanted to make a youtube channel because i was really bored and no one was home and i could be as loud as i wanted.So first i had to get the courage and strenght to get my lazy ass out of bed. I still havent got up since i woke up its been 2 hours im so pathetic.I really didnt understand why i was so attached to sleeping like all i want to do is sleep and its not like im even tired. I just feel like it passes the time by and its kinda like youre half dead so i enjoy it.I think im depressed im pretty sire i have been ever since my dad died i was 12. I honestly went through so much and dealt with it in a really non smart way. Ive phisically,mentally,and emotionally harmed myself.I went through a rough time along with my mom and sister but i took it alot worse than they did my dad was my everything we were so close.Its like i remember the night it happened just like it was last night it was the worse.My sister and i were home alone because out mom was at work . My dad was in the hospital at the time battling cancer and My sister had gotten a call from the hospital (my sister was the first number on the contact form because my mom was always working and would rarely answer her phone) well when my sister answered i saw her face just drop and she was crying and fell to the floor sobbing.I had asked her if she was okay she was stuttering i could barely understand her but i got the idea.. Thats where it all started, for weeks and weeks i would lock myself in my room just sitting there music was my only friend at the time because we had moved so many times i havent gotten a chance to make friends and keep them my moms jobs kept transferring. All i needed was a friend i was so alone or at least felt like i was i knew i had family but it didnt matter we were all a mess its like the pain never ended.This is when i became all depressed and i started listening to mucic and i would be so in and all to myself i wouldnt talk to anyone i was just too sad. I suddenly realised what a fuck up i was because ive always messed something up. I was bullied in school because size they would say i was too small or make puberty jokes. It really wasnt my fault well it kinda was because id refuse to eat anything because i hated everything but not as much as i hated myself.