FRAGMENTS

DROWN II

[Two]
Sarah was four years older than me.

She had deep blue eyes, reminding me of a deep ocean. She had long golden hair, shining as much as the hot sun. She had freckles trailing her round nose, small dots just like grains of sand.

It actually didn't matter the age gap, we were inseparable. Especially during the summer, when our friends were miles away and the internet glitched a lot in our beach house.

We shared a bathroom back home, connecting our bedrooms. And I had always been jealous that her room had a skylight right above her bed. But she always let me come to her in the middle of the night. Our shoulders touching as both of us watched the shining stars. Silence embracing us.

There was no need for words between us. If it wasn't for her mature features, people would even say we were twins. We shared everything just with our eyes. Silly smiles opening up at the same time on our lips.

The same eyes. The same lips. And I wonder if today, me having mature features now, people would still be able to tell us apart.

I will never know.

My bare feet smash the sand as I walk closer to the sea. The long sweater reaches the middle of my tights, brushing the naked skin.

This used to be her favorite sweater. An oversized, forest green one. The sleeves covering her long fingers, hiding her always painted nails.

We were close, but we had our fair share of fights too. Who finished the cereal. Who used all the hot water. Who let the mascara run dry. Who stole the damn piece of clothing.

Doors would slam in our home. Heavy steps resonating alongside high pitched screams.

And today, I miss these days the most.

I would eat every single box of fruit loops. Take two hours showers not caring about the planet. Let all the makeup open against the hot sun. If it all meant I would have her back, shouting at me and pulling my hair.

I wouldn't even snitch her to our parents.

But I am wearing her favorite sweater. And she still hasn't come back to claim it. She never will. Some things pass, like the waves coming and going in the blue sea.

Some others, however, are perpetual.

And all I can do is hug this piece of clothing pretending it is her. Look around this beach, remembering her delicate features. Bite hard my lips and try not to think about what day today is.

Sarah used to be my big sister. Depending on the month, she would be three or four years older than me. A Sagittarius while I am a Pisces.

This May will complete four years that she has been gone. She never got to reach the huge twenty-one, forever frozen in the boring twenty. She never got to go to an actual party and find true love. I never got to enjoy a new summer with her.

Today is the first day of March. My birthday. And for the first time in my entire life, I am older than my big sister.