Come back to me.

Heal.

It has been 1 month since cas got taken by the empty. Dean hasn't slept well or at all in that time. Once he closed his eyes all he saw was castiel.
He either spent the entire day in his room and overate, or spent hours driving around in the impala eating nothing at all. He's also been drinking a lot lately, especially on the job. At the beginning he even used to see cas everywhere he looked. He even got him confused with another guy in a Trenchcoat once. He was in constant denial and had no idea how to deal with this situation.
2 weeks ago sam "confronted" dean for being in his room the entire time and told him to go outside and do something. And that's when Dean snapped, out of impulse he let all of it out. His entire feelings he had, what castiel has said to him before he got taken by the empty, how he felt. That was the first time he actually confronted himself with the situation.
And Sam just stood in the doorway not knowing what to say, while dean just sat back on his bed and

Put his headphones on, pretending like Sam wasn't there.
One day later sam talked to dean, wanting to make sure that he didn't intend to hurt him, and that he always was and always will be accepting of dean. No matter what, and that he hopes dean knows that.
They hugged and it was all 'fine'.

Except cas was still gone.

"Dean? Hey dean?" Sams words brought dean back to earth.
"Hm? What?"
"I've been trying to get your attention for 2 minutes now, were you thinking about cas?"
Dean didn't answer.
"Dean please, I know it's hard. You know with Jesse It was the same but you'll have to-"
Dean opened the car's door and went out of the impala.
"Dean?!"
They were currently working on a case but dean couldn't hear the whole 'YoU hAve tO mOve oN' crap anymore. He knew that Sam loved jesse immensely. There is no doubt. But sam and jesse's story and his and cas's story was totally different.
Cas and him have been pining over each other and longing for each other for over 10 years now

Without knowing that the other one felt the same. They could've had it all, they couldve went on dates and kissed, and cuddled and hooked up or whatever.
But it was taken away from him.
He always ended up alone.
Dean wasn't sexually intimate or romantically intimate with anyone really for like over 2 years. Back then he tried to cover his feelings, his sexuality. Hide it. With the constant hook ups but he just couldn't anymore at some point. Because all he could think of was cas. He just wanted to be next to him and hug him, and go through his hair and kiss him and tell him how much he loves him. Everyday.
But he was too scared. And now he paid the price..
Dean walked into the small 'forest' next to the diner. Searching for some calm place.
He put off his suit jacket and under it, he was still wearing the jacket with castiels handprint.
It was the only thing giving him comfort. He just couldn't let go.
He couldn't move on.
Tears slowly filled his eyes again

"cas you idiot. I'm not as perfect as you think I am. Hell, you deserve better than this because you. You are so...you mean so much to me castiel. I need you. I cannot do this without you please. I'm begging you if you can hear this. Please come back.." his voice cracked at the last sentence and tears fell down on the ground.
This was the 5th time he's prayed to Cas ever since.
He's tried to find the empty multiple times but he had no idea about it. No books, nothing to research with. Not even a single shitty demon could answer him.
He tried so hard to smile for cas every single day. Knowing that this is what he would've wanted but Hell. He didn't want to smile without cas. Castiel has been his happy place for years. The one person he could always talk to without being judged. Without leaving.
And he was gone.

"God not you again"
Dean was at the crossroad again. It was midnight, and sam was on a date with eileen, it was after the case. Dean pretended to be okay as he went back to
The impala but he wasn't.
"Shut up and hear me out."
"How many times Dean Winchester. I won't tell you where the empty is. I simply dont know! I have other deals to make!"
"Take me instead."
She looked at him.
"What?"
"Get Castiel out of the empty and put me there instead."
She started laughing. "Have you lost your mind Winchester?  You're not a supernatural creature as far as I'm aware. The empty doesn't need you down there."
"Then turn me into one! Hell! I don't care!"
"You really are attached to this stupid angel arent you?" She smiled.
"Call him stupid one more time-"
"Calm down tiger. Humans." She chuckled, "they fall so easy, don't they? One smile and theyre all head over heels over someone and are ready to sacrifice themselves for them. And at what cost? Do you really believe a celestial being, that has existed since over billions of years would fall for something like you? That's funny I must laugh."
Dean just stared at her while holding the knife steady in his hand.
"Have you ever considered.." she started as she came closer. "That maybe, he wants to stay there? That he doesn't want to come back to you? Have you considered that before? Hm? Dean" she chuckled again, walking around him.
"Stop bothering me with your stupid non existent love story. Like I said I have things to do"
She kept walking away but turned around once more "oh and, maybe change your jacket huh?" She was gone.
And dean fell to the ground.
His feet couldn't keep him up anymore he just couldn't take this anymore. All he wanted was to have castiel back. For once. Just once. Maybe castiel was right with what he said. Maybe he did deserve to be happy. Maybe he really was loving. Caring. And selfless.
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and immediately looked up. "Jack?"
"Hello" jack said, smiling at dean.
"Dean ive been watching you from heaven. You really can't stand it, can you? You really can't live without him?"
Dean got up and turned to jack, "of course I cant."
"So you do care about him?"
Dean had a confused look on his face, while his eyes were still wet from the tears.
"Of course I care about him. Way more than just that. What are these questions jack?"
Jack smiled at dean. "I just wanted to make sure that someone believed you."
Jack stepped away, and behind him. Castiel.
Deans breath stopped and the demon knife fell out of his hand, onto the cold floor immediately.
"Is it really-"
Jack nodded, "Yes. It was nice to see you again. Tell Sam hello from me. Until next time dean." One last smile from jack and he was gone.
"Hello dea-"
Cas couldn't even finish his sentence, dean immediately pulled him into the tightest hug and didn't let go. Tears streaming down his face uncontrollably.
Now cas noticed the jacket.
"You..still have the jacket on?"
Dean didn't even answer but he didn't have to.
They just stood there embracing each other, after all this time.
His entire life. Dean has never felt this much feelings all at the same time.
"I've missed you so much." Dean said with a broken voice.
Castiel smiled softly into deans neck, and said "I missed you too, dean."
"Where were you? Why didn't jack bring you back before? What are you doing here?- no don't answer that. Just please don't leave anymore, I can't do this without you."
Castiel stared at Dean in shock.
"I- I was in the empty at first for 2 weeks. Then jack brought me back and I helped him re build heaven.."
"So you're back since 2 weeks?? And you didn't come here?"
Dean still hasn't let go of castiels Trenchcoat. They were facing each other, but his hand was tight on castiels sleeve.
Afraid that he could leave.
"I..I didn't think you would want to see me. After everything I thought you..you wouldn't feel the same i just, didn't want to bother you.."
Dean couldn't believe what castiel was saying.
"Bother me?? What do you mean? Cas even if I wouldn't feel the same. You could never bother me."
The Tears were back but this time they filled up castiels eyes.
"Jack he..while we were re building heaven. He was constantly showing you to me, saying that you do feel the same. But I just..I'm so sorry Dean I was so scared. I went on earth, near you two times, I almost talked to you but I really couldn't. I was too afraid of losing you forever.. I would've rather lived without knowing what you feel than being rejected by you and never seeing you again.."
Dean stared into castiels eyes.
"So..those times when I thought I saw you, that was actually you?"
Castiel nodded.
"Jack he, brought me down here. Told me to watch you talk to the demon and I.. dean. I wouldn't have allowed you sacrificing yourself for me. Where is the point if I'm alive but you're in the empty?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you."
Castiels expression softened at the realization. „i understand that now."
„But..my prayers??"
"You prayed to me..?" Castiel asked surprised.
"Yes of course cas..you didn't receive them??"
"No..my wings and grace were fully destroyed. Jack helped me regain it but it isn't fully back yet."
"God, I mean jack- ugh I don't know. It doesn't matter. Castiel listen to me."
Dean looked cas deep in the eyes, took a deep breath and said "..I love you too."

That really broke Castiel completely. Tears were streaming down his face and dean immediately wiped them away. "Please. Don't.. it was hurtful enough, seeing that before. Back then in purgatory. I wanted to tell you..cas. I wanted to tell you that I love you, but you said you heard my prayer and..we didn't have time left so I wasn't able to say it. But Castiel I love you."
Castiel started smiling while tears were still running down his face. He couldn't stop it.
"I didn't think I would ever be able to hear this from you."
"Well you were wrong" dean stated and then finally leaned in for a kiss. A kiss they should've had since years.
Hell, that felt good. Better than both of them had ever imagined it. And knowing that they could get this everyday now..
"I love you so much" dean said smiling at cas. Now that he said it, he couldn't stop saying it. He's been wanting to say this since years. "I love you too" cas smiled.

"So, rebuilding heaven?"
Dean asked cas as they both were in the impala.
Castiel nodded.
"Yes, now everyone is together. Kind of like a second earth. Just, more peaceful I guess."
"Sounds nice" dean said.
„Yes I'm really proud of Jack." cas smiled softly.

„Oh Yeah! Miracle will absolutely love you, sunshine." Dean Said while they entered the bunker
Cas wasnt able to stop smiling, it's been an hour since they met and dean has been calling him 5 different nicknames already.
Neither has he stopped talking excitedly about all the dates they could go on now and miracle.
„Dean?! Is that yo-„
Sam stopped as he saw who was with him.
„Hello sam." cas Just Said while they were walking down the stairs.
„HEyyyyy miracle, good dog" dean said while petting miracle as she immediately came to greet him.
Dean picked her up and stood next to cas.
"She's adorable." Castiel stated and the dog started licking castiels face. "I told you she'll love you!!" Dean said happily.
"Uh- guys? Do you mind explaining?"
"Oh yeah right. Sorry, cas is back."

"??? Will you elaborate?"
Sunshine do you mind explaining?
"Sunshine?" Sam asked.
"Yeah at least I have cute nicknames for my s/o all you say is 'eileen' lameeeee"
Sam just rolled his eyes at dean and focused back on cas while he was explaining the situation.
"It's awesome that you're back but I will honestly never understand you two. How were you two the only ones that didn't see that the other one was completely head over heels for the other?? I mean even eileen noticed and she hasn't even been in this for long"
"Well then why didn't you tell us sam?"
"I was hoping you two would figure this out by yourself."
"Well..we did. Sorta"
"Now where's the food? We gotta celebrate! I got back my big win" dean smiled.
Sam groaned "I'll be hearing nicknames for the next two months, am I right?"
"2 months is an understatement sammy!" Dean shouted from on his way to the kitchen.
"Cas! Are you coming?!?"
"I'm glad you two are well and managed to take down chuck. I always knew you all would do this."
Cas said to Sam before he went to the kitchen to Dean.
That night dean and cas cuddled in deans bed and didn't let go of each other. They never would let that happen anymore.