𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓

18.

"There is no weight limit on beauty"
-unknown
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Hazel Fenty

I opened my eyes and it was dark. My eyes narrowed at the digital clock on the stand. 1:09 AM. Why do I always wake up at these hours? I must've passed out from crying and ended up falling asleep. I moved stretched turning over and screamed, nearly falling out of bed. Who was the black skinny figure laying next to me? I grabbed my phone but it was dead. Shit. I slowly slid out of bed, opening the door to the bathroom. I turned on the light. Bashar? How did he get in here? Why was he laying in the bed with me?

"Bashar." I called to him. "Hello." I dragged. "Bashar." I said louder. This boy sleep like Santa Claus. I smelled myself and I was little sweaty. This is what happens when you have titties the size of bowling balls. I walked around the bed to get my bag. I grabbed what I needed and went to shower.

While I showered I thought about my mom. Mom was really my peace when things became difficult. She always made sure I was straight even when she wasn't. Now, she laid up in a room that wasn't hers, with a tube down her throat and bandage wrapped around her head. I knew my dad was doing shit he had no business. He had no idea that I knew he was on the phone a few nights ago. No man is going to talk to another man on a phone late at night unless he was gay, in trouble, or looking for a booty call. My dad was cheating on my mom. I was going to investigate and figure out who was tearing our family apart.

I turned off the water, and wrapped myself. I walked to the mirror as cold air blew against my dampened skin. I shivered at the feeling and began to get moisturize my skin. Then, I got dressed. I brushed my hair into a top not and put on some lipgloss. I packed up my dirty clothes putting them in a Walmart bag.

I opened the door and froze. Bashar was sitting up on the bed on his phone. He looked over at me his eyes twinkling. "Hey ma." He greeted lowly.

"Hey." I responded. I sat my bag inside of the bigger bag, zipping it closed.

"How are you?" I sighed, looking down.

"I'm okay. What about you?" He shrugged.

"I'm 'coolin. I uh, I heard what happened to your mom dukes. I'm sorry to hear that." His voice was soft and apologetic. My eyes filled with tears at the thought of her.

"Thanks." I sniffled. I bit the inside of my jaw to keep from crying but I couldn't hold it in. I broke down. In my peripheral I saw Bashar get up from the bed.

I sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his white shirt. He held me in silence, rocking me slowly as my tears soaked his chest. A tiny lapse let me pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before I collapsed again. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling me back into the outstretched arms of my grief.

"Shh. It's okay, it's okay." He hushed me. I covered my mouth to try and calm down. I didn't want my dad or Harlow coming in here. I steadied my breathing, and took deep, and slow breaths.

"Breathe mama, breathe." Bashar coached. I did as he said and just kept breathing. "There you go." He said rubbing my back. I wiped my face and slowly broke away from him.

We looked at each other. Just looked. Then I closed my eyes, I leaned in connecting our lips. His lips were so soft. Bashar backed away standing up.

"No, I can't. I can't take advantage of you why you're vulnerable and sad like this. I just-"