Holiday Away

Chapter 5

Seeing Eleanor in the morning placed a bigger burden on me more than I initially thought it would.

It hadn't been as bad when it was happening. It hadn't been as bad when it was over. Not even when I spent time replaying the event in my head, had I felt like my heart and lungs were deflating and I couldn't breathe. My heart was beating in a staccato rhythm that physically hurt, and I feared it was going to burst any second.

It must have been what I did. The kiss; such an insignificantly huge act. The flap of the butterfly's wings which created hurricanes.

Surely, that was why I shivered a little when I woke up to see Eleanor's sleeping bag. It had been empty, but I still had to take my time and remind myself to inhale and exhale. For a couple of minutes, I had laid stiff, only sitting up once I was sure I wasn't going to vomit from the motion.

Even though I found a bit of comfort that Eleanor had been asleep, I couldn't shrug off the feeling that she somehow knew what I had done.

Just as I folded up both bags and unplugged my phone from where it was charging, she appeared. She was carrying their cat, stroking along it's fur and murmuring unintelligible words to it. No, wait... she was warning the cat about how leaving the fridge door open was very uncalled for and a recipe for disaster. Eleanor bent over to set the cat down, pushing the hood of her onesie back down after it fell over her head. Our eyes met.

It was impossible not to look at her, even more so, it was extremely hard to keep my eyes on her, to hold her wide doe-eyed gaze.

She stared at me with the ghost of a smile, waving a sleeve-covered hand and letting it fall after a second.

Then we both said "I'm sorry." One soft, one hoarse.

"You're not supposed to be sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Eleanor sighed, pushing stray strands of her hair back. "What happened... also wasn't one of my best moments."

I smiled, shaking my head at the reference to the first day chunky boots stomped their way into my life. "It's alright," I mumbled. "I'm also sorry, I--"

"No, no, no, you're not supposed to be. I was the one who put you in that position and it was just..." Eleanor breathed in deeply, hands going up to hold her face between her palms. "I'm the only one who should be sorry."

I was beginning to consider the possibility that Eleanor had no idea about what I had done.

"What are you sorry for?" Jacob entered the living room, a hand firmly gripping a large towel around his waist. He was dripping, literally. Water slid down his body to the floor as he scurried around the room, throwing cushions and scattering the neatly piled books on one of the coffee tables.

He turned to me abrubtly, drops of water flying from his curls with the action. A few landed on my bare arms. "Did she hurt you last night?"

I shook my head. I actually wanted to do more than that, but Jacob was standing close to me and would smell my morning breath if I dared to utter a word. What was happening in my mouth was a whole party he definitely wouldn't want to be invited to.

"Are you sure?" The blond asked as he went back to slowly making a chaotic mess.

This time, I responded with a bob of my head, and even managed to add, "Uh huh."

"Cool then."

I was thinking of how I was going to tell them I was leaving when Eleanor spoke.

"We'll be going shopping today. Want to come with?" she asked, and all I heard was "I want your company."