Redeemer (MM Fan Fic)

Chapter 61

I've been here for several days now. It's been nothing but stressful, nothing but anger from the time I wake up to the time I lay in bed thinking of Brian until I fall asleep. The sleep medicine was beginning to not work so well. Everything else was though. The antidepressants were making it somewhat easier, making me less tired, less upset all the time. The only reason why I'm angry is because they keep trying to get me to talk. I don't talk to anyone here. I'm so scared to. And the other is working. I've gained about 2 pounds, as well as the little 'gift.' Turns out my body was doing me a favor! I don't think I could have handled Brian's actions paired with this kind of pain and emotional imbalance. I want to cry at times, over the simplest things. But my face is clearer now, and my bones feel stronger already. I'm just getting bigger. Brian sounded so upset every time he called. They were right, 3 days after I'd been here he snapped. Cried over the phone. I cried too, and Nurse Jodie was nice enough to give us extra time. I get to see him tomorrow, as well as my little Midnight. I've been talking to him over the phone too. I've lost about five points, not good. But I can gain them back somehow. No matter how much I eat, no matter how hard I work myself in the gym, I keep gaining weight. Such torture! My clothes are starting to feel tighter. Thankfully I brought a bunch of sweatpants!

Right now I'm sitting in my bed, waiting for Nancy to walk by. It's seven in the morning, and my hair is already brushed out, bed made, and I'm dressed in my usually colors. She froze with her fist in midair. "Why are you awake?"

"I didn't sleep." I stated.

"Why not?" She asked. I shrugged. I'd had another episode last night with the shower, and it didn't help that we watched a movie with a certain thing in it, its whistle blaring on the speaker system that was right next to me. She had to escort me from the room back to mine and calm me down so I wouldn't start screaming. Being more emotional due to the wonderful idea these doctors had made it worse for me. I hate it so much. At least before I didn't scream and cry with this. Now I cry even at the word. "thinking about last night?" I nodded. "Well, you know, if you'd talk about it, maybe you'd feel better."

"Yeah." I sighed. We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before she left to gather everyone else. That hand with the perfect nails waved for me to follow her. Eve and Amy shared a room, Scott and Stewart. She explained that Gerard shared a room with another boy, and Leah with another girl, both of these mystery people from different groups. Makes sense. While they were getting ready she let me put on my makeup. I needed extra assistance with this, because I'd been forgetting different things that were usually wired into my brain to do everyday. Some days it was brushing hair, others teeth. One day I forgot to shower, sitting in my room until Nurse Jodie noticed I hadn't changed clothes. I was scared she would yell at me for being a coward, like my parents would have. But she told me she understood, and it was my mind's way of avoiding it, by getting rid of the idea altogether. And that forgetting everything else is my mind being filled with the past nineteen years so that it forgets what is going on now. The woman is a genius. After this she went back to everyone else and dropped me off in my room. I waited patiently, turning on the radio for a little early morning screaming and roaring of the guitar haha. But when it was on, I heard Drops of Jupiter by.... The name was the t-word, but I ignored it. Not like I'm hearing it. I remember we used to sing it all the time for Twilight when she was younger, that was our song for her. I used to sing it all the time. My older sister and I knew all the words. I had a memory of us in the yard of our older house, singing it and laughing at the part about fried chicken. I think of nothing but Twilight and that when I hear it. Nurse Jodie and our group were at my door waiting by the time I had finished the song.

"Ready for breakfast, Victoria?" She asked, smiling. They all were. I nodded and followed them to the cafeteria.

"You're a good singer." Eve said, elbowing me in the ribs. I gave her a small grin and blushed. We were having pancakes today. Nice. They sat around me as usual, and I didn't speak as usual. I could tell it annoyed them, but they should be able to tell that the constant crowding around me trying to be my friends was annoying, too. They really, REALLY could find some much better ones anywhere in this building. But no, always have to stick with me. I ate my breakfast today, only because I overheard someone in line saying that eating breakfast actually makes you lose weight better. But only breakfast. Nurse Jodie smiled at me, showing all her teeth.