Affinity

Or we break..

Life has a funny way of telling you when things are going too well. It's not the prettiest way, nor the most fun considering the idea that what goes up must come down and that's what draws me outside on the rocks too early this morning. I couldn't sleep, to be frank. My thoughts had utterly consumed me until I have come up with the solution that whatever I feel like might happen, can be fixed. It has to have a fix, like most Momentary Afllictions. You just have to wait for the opportunity.

The waves slam against the rocks, spraying a mist onto my bare feet. It was cold this morning, and it couldn't be later than 6. I've been out here for an hour or so now. It was peaceful, simply hearing the sound of the water hitting the rocks, creating a smoother surface along the edges. The distant horizon seemed unreachable at this moment, and it was beautiful.

"What are you doing?" A voice yells from the beach. I turn. Adam stands on the shore, his flannel pajama bottoms and tanktop flat against his body from the wind.

"That's our spot! You can't be there!" He screams, ripped off by the wind that had picked up. I almost fall trying to move. It was a shorter rock that lowers eventually into the water. When I get near enough to hear his screaming clearly, he turns towards me.

"You're not allowed in our spot! Who told you you could be there! That's her's!" He shouts again. It snaps at once. Mackenzie. She came over and sat on it with him every day. This was their place.

"Adam- I'm sorry," I say, exasperated. I didn't know it meant that much to him. It's not like I purposely chose to sit there in spite of her, I had no idea.

"No," He says, swiping at his eyes madly before looking back at me. "You knew this was our place. You knew so you came since you were so jealous of her."

His voice comes out like venom and it takes me a beat to realize he's serious and this is something that's truly going on. We don't fight, not much. Not over something big and not for long. This is new. And his words take me like a slap to the face.

"You think I'm jealous of you two's past relationship?" I laugh.

"You wish we had a relationship even near how Mackenzie's and I's was."

"How about you get over Mackenzie, please! You say you're in love with me and yet you act like you still love her. I understood at first that you were still getting over her but now I just get it, you aren't going to get over her. She's dead, Adam." I keep going, unable to stop. "None of us can change that. And I'm sorry I fell in love with you. My mistake. You know, it sucks to fall in love with someone who really just can't love you back."

I walk away the second the words leave my mouth, heading towards the house. They just came out, I couldn't control them and they just kept coming. Everything I had built up against. I didn't want it to sound like that, I didn't mean it to but he was still in love with Mackenzie after all these years. I understand he loved her but holding that tight to memories was dangerous. It could cause you to lose a love, in this case.

He doesn't even follow but I move as if he was on my tail, stuffing my things in my suitcase, fervently wiping away the tears that come. Why does this always seem to happen? Why can't everything just work out? It was going so well, too. Honestly, he wasn't aggressive, and he actually was good to me. But there's always a hamartia, isn't there? Some flaw. It was too good to be true and Adam's fatal flaw happened to be that he was still in love with his dead ex girlfriend. Lucky me.

"Why do you act like you actually loved me?" His voice appears at the door but I don't turn but as the silence drifts on, I spin on my heel.

"To think you think that just because you don't love me, i don't, shows you never really knew me. I love you, Adam. I love you a hell of a lot and you're acting like I didn't mean it and that really makes this hurt a lot more."