No holiday today. Just some anxiety.
Sometimes I let myself forget.
Sometimes I need to believe for a second that i am okay.
That i am healthy.
That i am worthy.
But I must not forget;
I am a sword who must make her own sheath.
i am too soft for the shell this life requires.
When claws dig into the underbelly on my back, the heart on my sleeve,
I must pretend I am not moved a little closer to death.
While I am here, I will admit.
The Danger Hurts (the silence screams).
In this quiet darkness where I am crouched alone, I find that
I hide from myself because i love her and others do not.
This, I realize, is utter madness. Fragmented thoughts swirling around my battered soul and I
almost reach for them,
almost embrace them,
almost become-
Quiet, sneaking footsteps approach.
Paint your smile, find your mask, quick quickquick-
She is here and she is smiling at me.
And it hurts.
Because you can tell her anything
Until you say something she does not want to hear.
You may be as unique and bright and happy as you wish and
She will hate all the parts that dont fit.
She would rather you be miserable and under her thumb. That is Her Love.
Shhh, I comfort the part of me that hates this tower I've built her into.
She does not understand this continued charade but
Fantasies are all I have left.
Hysterical giggles erupt from my core and ring in my ears.
I am the dragon and
i am the princess and
I still love the Queen who poisoned me (with her love).
What harm would it do to let her keep her illusions?
I scoff. I am not completely selfless.
One day I will demolish the tower and set my princess free.
She will love and she will hurt and it will be beautiful.
And I will not let the Queen destroy her before she has a beginning.
i will not be torn apart by Her Love
my tears will make a hurricane
-disaster has never been so sweet.
Vulnerability sucks, no matter how necessary it is. Here is a slice of my soul.
YOU ARE READING
Inside My Mind
RandomA collection of one-shots that centre around major holidays (plus, more recently, poems and other story-telling word groups that come from my most vulnerable self) Note: might contain characters from other stories, I'll always ask the authors first...
