Ricky was absolutely exhausted. I could see it in the way he lazily smiled from across the table, trying his best to suppress his yawns as his daughter chatted his ear off. Making a Christmas perfect for a 6 year old was something Ricky found exceptionally important, but he wasn't letting me pick up any slack even as the year had passed and we sat together, another Christmas on its way. I could tell he was still worried that I might get scared or overwhelmed with the prospect of having to help him with his daughter, but as he and I neared our two year anniversary together, it's all I wanted to do for him.
I'm first to get up from the dinner table, placing my plate in the dishwasher before leaning against Ricky, resting an arm around his shoulders and massaging gently. "Finish up and get some rest babe. I'll hang out with Belle." Ricky's eyes find mine instantly and he shakes his head. "I don't know, I don't want to leave you having to deal with her." He whispers so that Belle doesn't hear and I massage his back gently as I look across the table to his cheerful daughter. "Hey my girlie, once you're done with dinner how about you go pick out a Christmas movie to watch from your daddy's DVD basket? We'll watch any one that you want." I promise and Belle pushes her seat back, her little head of curls bouncing away as she sprints from the room, not bothering to finish the rest of her meal. I giggle and Ricky looks up at me smiling. "How about you rest during the movie?" He nods gratefully and I continue to rub his shoulders as he finishes his last bite of food and stands to wrap me in his arms.
***
Ricky immediately curls into my side when we all make it into the living room. His eyes close slowly as he rests his head on my shoulder and I can't help but smile when I hear his breathing even out. Belle scurries over to me with the TV remote in hand, and she hands it to me so that I can start the movie. "CHRISTMAS EVE IS TOMORROW" she says excitedly as she climbs onto the couch and I laugh but quiet her down quickly. "Come here little girlie, we wanna let your daddy sleep." I explain in a soft voice, opening my arms to her and allowing her to snuggle into my chest. She nods and repeats her sentence slightly quieter. I laugh and comb her hair away from her face as the opening credits to Elf begin to play. "You excited hon?" She nods and her big brown eyes meet mine. "Especially because you're with us this Christmas. When you're with us, it makes me feel safe." She admits quietly and I tilt my head but she looks towards the TV. "Why's that Belle?" I decide to ask and she looks up at me, placing one hand on Ricky's leg and one on my arm. "You sandwich me in" she giggles happily and I smile, wrapping my arms tightly around her in a tight hug. She giggles a little louder and tosses her arms around my neck, turning in my lap so that she can still see the movie. I feel her fingers clutching onto my hair, something I've gotten so entirely used to over the past year, and she rests her head on my chest. It's nearly impossible to watch the movie when I'm squished between two people that I love so much.
***
The movie credits roll and Ricky still has not waken up. Rather, his daughter has joined him, having fallen asleep midway through the movie. I lean forward to turn down the TV and Belle stirs just a little. "Shh, go back to sleep baby girl" I whisper, rubbing her back gently and she nods tiredly. "Carry me upstairs mommy?"
My body stills and I look down to the little girl staring at me with tired eyes. "You bet hon" I whisper and if possible, she clings to me even tighter. Mommy. That sounded so right, and made my heart swell but it wasn't my place to allow her to call me that. It was up to the man still completely asleep against my body. I close my eyes for a second, appreciating every part of my life before I prop Ricky up so that there's no way that he could fall over when I got up from the couch. I support Belle with both of my arms.
I lay Belle on top of her bed and she's awake enough to burrow her way into her sheets. I tuck her in and press the lightest kiss to her forehead before exiting her room quickly. I leave her door open a crack in case she needed anything overnight. Tomorrow being Christmas Eve, I'm sure she'd appreciate one less obstacle in her way anyway.
I jump when I feel a hand on my waist and turn to see Ricky giving me a tired smile. "You could've waken me up to do that." He whispers tiredly and I smile, looping an arm around his waist and leading him away from the sleeping child's door. "I know but you needed your rest and you were entirely too peaceful to wake up." I admit and he flushes a little but gives me a nod. "That was a good movie." He grins as we descend down the steps and I giggle. "Yeah the ending was especially interesting." He raises an eyebrow and nods slowly. "Righttt" he says, trying to buy himself time to figure out why. "Belle called me mommy." I tell him and pure shock and happiness reflect in his expression. "What? Are you okay with that?" He asks and I laugh, bringing a hand to trace the upward direction of his lips. "You certainly are." He laughs and shakes his head. "Listen, I know that when you started dating me you were only expecting to have to deal with me so I know that this can be a bit of a burden but-" I cut Ricky off and shake my head. "When will you get it through your head that I'm here for both of you? I love both of you so very much, and I will continue to choose you and Belle." I tell him slowly and he opens and closes his mouth. "Both of us?" he mumbles as if he can't believe it. I hum and move into his arms. "So I don't mind one bit if Belle wants to call me 'mommy' as long as you're okay with it. I'm not going anywhere. I want both of you." I tell him and he nods, scooping me gently in his arms and pressing a slow kiss to my forehead. "I'm not sure I could even express how happy that makes me Nins." I press a kiss to his lips before pulling away and resting my head on his chest. "It's Christmas time, I think it's the time for that. But I can guarantee I'm gonna try to make you two happy year round." Ricky tightens his arms around me.
"I hope you know how much of a gift you are to me."
