Illumi Sells Monat

The Promise of Returned Riches

Illumi tried not to cry as he held his clown husband's hand. "Don't worry Illumi. You might be going into debt and need to take out some loans, but you'll always have me."

Gon walked by, cheering with Alluka and Killua for their victory against the transphobic bitch. "OOH! GOOOOON!" Hisoka ran away to try and seduce the fifteen year old child, causing him to receive a kick to his manhood by Killua.

Illumi was terrified. He had been disowned by two of his siblings and if his parents found out, he'd be disowned by them too. Milluki would've been the only one in the family he'd be related to, and Illumi didn't want to be related to a fatass with a nen ability of shitting Happy Meals.

He rushed out of the court, not wanting anyone to see the tears that would stream down his face. He could still hear the happy cries of his two, now former, siblings from a block away.

He furiously typed on his phone a new Facebook status as he ram, casually running over a few random people.

Just lost a lawsuit against my "sister" and going into debt don't HMU 😭🔫⛓🔪💔

He rushed into his trailer and locked the door. Illumi had been kicked out from the Zoldyck Manor after he bought a body pillow of an anime girl with massive mama milkers and matched with Gon's crusty old broke ass dad on Tinder.

His family was disgusted, not because he cheated on his pedophile husband, but because he thought Ging was sexy as hell. Illumi cried onto the moldy kitchen sink. He had no idea what to do. Then, his phone went off. Illumi looked at the message he received on Facebook.

Hey hun! ✌️ I just saw your status update, 🥺 I am so so sorry that happened to you 😭 but I have an amazing business opportunity hun! 🥰 It'll help you cover those pesky legal fees 👑 and allow you to live a life of pure riches 😱😱😱 Tell me if you'd like to join my team of #BossBabes! 🥰🥰🥰

Illumi felt a tear of joy fall down his cheek. He responded as fast as he could, praying that this amazing opportunity would be available to him despite his lack of funds.

How do I get started?

This was the message that could've saved Illumi from a pyramid scheme. If only Illumi had a few more brain cells when it came to Facebook.

I'm so glad you asked! 🥰🥰🥰 All you have to do is use my link and buy some Monat! 🛍🛍🛍 When you sign up, ✍️✍️you become an independent consultant and you get a 10% commission on all products you sell! 💴💴💴

Illumi clicked the link and purchased about a hundred million yen worth of Monat products. He instantly updated his Facebook status to tell everybody about his new business venture.

OMG!!!! I just got a new job distributing Monat products!!!! Bouta get that bank sis!!!!!🤪🤪🤪

His phone instantly blew up with "warnings" that the company was a "pyramid scheme" but he ignored them.

Illumi ignored Hisoka's banging on the trailer door. He knew Hisoka was probably getting the cops called on him again for being within fifty meters of a Kindergarten again.

He had opened a new door that would lead him to success. Success that was actually several more years of debt and losing all of his two friends and all his Facebook following because he wouldn't stop pushing shitty hair products.

This is the beginning of Illumi selling Monat.