today i went to the dumpsters behind ulta, i'm looking for a bit of makeup that's way out of my price range. as i was rummaging through the piles of old products, i shoved everything i liked in an old walmart bag. but when i was about halfway done, an ulta employee came up to me and SPAT ON ME!!!!! they said "dirty homeless get out of the dumpster!" then they proceeded to fart loudly until i had no other choice than to leave, so i jumped out of the dumpster at full speed on all fours, carrying my walmart bag in my mouth. i ran away to my home, which is a ditch near a crack house. the crackheads feed me pretty well tbh. when i get back home, i find a fucking cockroach and a stinky homeless man fighting for my half eaten meatball sub >:( so obviously i do as i always do and bark at them until they leave, it works every time. then i began to piss everywhere to mark my territory so this shit never happens again 🙄🖕 if you're gonna do this shit at least have sex with me. after rubbing my piss into the concrete, i dump out the contents of my latest haul onto my knitted blanket. today i managed to get a desperately needed lip plumper, multiple cans of hairspray, foundation thats too dark, perfume, and some shady skincare which burned when i applied it to my butt. too bad i thought it would work for all my anal cysts, i guess they won't be going away for a while :(
- bye bye diary, love kevin
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p.s: here's a pic of me at the ymca with my crackhead besties!!
