Fairy Tale Ending

*Massive thanks to jadek99 for the rather awesome cover :) I would definitely reccommend this lady - she is FAST!*

Neville gave a deep sigh and tried again, “No really, my surname is Prince-Charming, believe me I wish it wasn't, but it is.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone and then finally, “Sir, I'm very sorry but we don't think we'll be able to help you at this time.”

Neville didn't even bother to ask why or say good-bye; he just put the phone down. How was he ever going to find love if no dating agencies would take him on? Not for the first time in his life he cursed Janet Prince and David Charming for ever deciding on a double barrel name when they married, and for producing a son with the parts of their combined gene pool that were obviously intended to be used creating some kind of internal organ involved with digestion rather than a living breathing human being.

He looked forlornly out of his bedroom window across the road to Susan's house. Ah, Susan White. Such a beauty, he could only ever hope for stolen glimpses of her fantastic figure when she got changed in her room with the light on and the curtains open. He had tried to speak to her a couple of times but all that ever came out of his mouth was 'mhumphfly' or even worse, last time he'd opened his mouth to speak a burp had come out. The shame still stabbed at him mercilessly like an angry little imp poking him with a knitting needle and repeating over and over in its high pitched, weedy little voice – flippin' idiot.

She'd been quite nice about it actually, just mumbled 'disgusting' under her breath and walked off, no hitting or anything. He'd been close enough to marvel at her smooth skin, like a fresh fall of snow lying white and pure, unbroken on the ground, her perfect pouting lips, glossy black hair, ample rounded.... Neville had to take a break from the memory and pop to the bathroom.

 Later, to calm himself down and take his mind off Susan, Neville sat down to watch the news. Stories of worldwide economic depression, war and random acts of violence always helped him feel better about himself.

 “News just in, a popular brand of apple juice is being recalled amid fears that some batches may have been poisoned. Customers are being urged to return bottles of juice from the Fairy Tale Juice Company immediately and contact their GP if they have consumed any of the potentially contaminated juice. Laboratory tests have shown that the poison can cause a long, coma-like sleep but it is unknown what lasting side effects this may have at this time.”

 'Is that the most exciting news they can come up with today?' Neville thought, disappointed. He didn't like apple juice anyway. He switched off the television and, for want of anything better to do and due to a total lack of meaning to his life, he went to bed.

It was roughly three days later when Neville realised he hadn't seen Susan getting changed in her room for some time. He was starting to feel some mild withdrawal symptoms and the discomfort prompted him to take a deep breath and walk over the road to knock on her front door to see if he could find out if she'd moved bedrooms or just needed the bulb replacing in her bedside lamp. As he knocked the front door, it slowly fell open. Neville stood there for a moment, had she gone out and forgot to lock the door? Or maybe she'd been burgled? He stood there a moment more before deciding that it was only right that he should go in and check she was all right, most importantly by checking her bedroom and rifling through her underwear drawer to ensure nothing had been stolen.

He slid through the front door, “Susan?” he called tentatively; there was no reply. Feeling more confident, he slowly climbed the stairs, listening all the time for signs of life. Finally he found himself outside her bedroom. Once again the door was ajar, it was almost as if the house was giving it's permission, sure, come on in, she won't mind! He pushed the door open and then froze in horror. She was in there! Fast asleep on the bed! No wait, what was that on the bedside table? An empty carton of apple juice from the Fairy Tale Juice Company!

Neville rushed to Susan's side. She looked completely lifeless, her skin as smooth and dead as bone picked clean by scavengers and bleached by the sun, but with a slightly green tinge to it. She was a bit bloated looking too and Neville noticed, as he looked closer, there was a slightly mottled appearance to her skin. Would it be wrong? Yes, probably but it was the only chance he was ever going to get. He leant forward, his lips pursed ready to plant a kiss on her once plump, red lips. They were a bit more purple and wrinkly now but who was he too be fussy? Finally, for the first time in his life he, Neville Prince-Charming was going to kiss a girl!

He was millimetres away when it happened. Susan's eyes suddenly opened and her hand flew to his throat; her fingers clamped his neck in a vice-like grip as she sat up, yellow, blood shot eyes never leaving his face.

“Sorry.” he tried to croak, “I was just checking if your were all right, you look a bit poorly.”

Susan tilted her head to one side, her mouth hung open loosely and thick, gelatinous liquid oozed from her ear onto her shoulder. “Uh?” she said. It sounded like a question, Neville just wasn't sure what the answer was supposed to be. She grabbed his arm with her other hand and lifted it to her mouth, baring her teeth as if preparing to take a bite from him. In fact, the closer his arm got to her teeth, the more sure Neville became that this actually was what was going to happen.

“Er no, don't do that please.” He said, more than slightly panicked. Susan paused and looked at him “Uh?” she said again and dropped his arm. Neville tried to breath a sigh of relief but Susan's grip on his throat was still too tight. “Er, I don't suppose you could let go?” he asked. Susan did, leaving a finger nail and the tip of one of her fingers gently embedded in his neck. Things were looking up, this was the most in depth conversation he'd ever had with a woman in his life! He decided to really try his luck, “I don't suppose you fancy coming over to mine for a spot of dinner do you?' He asked.

“Uh”

 Result!

 Two weeks later, Neville was once again watching the news.

 “Experts are now saying the threat from poisoned batches of Fairy Tale Juice Company's apple juice has passed. Whilst the unexpected side effect of zombie creation was difficult to overcome, the company are confident that all zombies have now been accounted for. However, we would like to warn the public that should you encounter a slightly green looking, bloated person that shuffles rather than walks, oozes a bit and smells like, well, like they've been dead for a while, please don't panic. Despite their tendency to bite, they are quite obedient and easy to control. Simple call the number on screen, shut them in the garden with some raw meat and someone will come and collect them immediately.”

 Neville looked over at his new girlfriend lovingly and adjusted the bandage on his arm where she'd finally managed to get a bite in while he was sleeping. “They don't know what they're talking about love do they?” he said, “You don't smell that bad.” 

“Uh.”