Trust no one, not even yourself

Maeve (OC) x Corey (OC)

A/N: This story is my own, original work.

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I'm pathetic. A disgrace to my family, to myself, to this world... That's just stating the facts. Apparently I am not even worth to be bullied, nobody cares if I exist or not. Well, neither do I, really. I mean, I do, kinda, but not as much as I should, perhaps. I do not like putting effort into ... anything at all I guess.

While others are out having fun, I sit in my room and do nothing. Even the memes and games became boring. Seeing that I remembered how lively I actually used to be when I waited with anticipation for the classes to end, so I could go home and play video games... good times. Nowadays I can stare at the monitor for minutes, not knowing how should I entertain myself. Maybe I got depression, or something. This thought had crossed my mind multiple times before but I never cared enough to go to a doctor or, hell, even look up the topic online at least.

Enough about that boring stuff, though. I don't even want to think those thoughts again. They are always the same. It's become kinda routine for me already. I have lived this pattern through so many times I don't even cry anymore. Sort of terrifying, I must say.

But still not enough for me to care.

I decided to concentrate on the faint sound of raindrops.

I still control what I think about, though. It's up to me to choose the routine like I always do.

I chuckled at my own thought and hugged my pillow, making myself comfortable.

In the morning I woke up to the sound of my alarm... well, let's skip these boring details. I haven't eaten breakfast because I was too lazy, picked some clothes to wear, packed my things and went to school.

My parents were still asleep as usual. They rarely wake up before me, and, despite them being great people, I was candidly happy not to encounter them in the mornings. That made it easier to imagine that I don't exist.

The most entertaining thing in school was keeping my stomach from growling.

I was 16, that meant high school and simultaneously no obligation for me to come here anymore. I kept coming though, out of fear. Out of fear of searching and falling into another routine with no way out anymore. As long as I was in school, my everyday was bearable enough. Moreover, as much as I was sunk in apathy, I kinda had this little tiny strain of hope that the situation would change one day and I'd be happy to have at least somehow finished school then. If it ever happens. Maybe I also went there every day just to escape the slowly crippling madness that patiently devours me more and more every time I sit around and do nothing.

So, perhaps not so strangely anymore, I liked homework. I found it funny that I never did more than necessary, though. Despite my happiness that I finally got something specific to do, I almost always half-assed it anyway.

Anyway.

I continued on my day as I walked out of school. Today has been a long schedule, so by the time I exited at my stop, it was already almost completely dark. Winter was near, but it was still pretty warm. I liked that.

I dropped my school bag at home and went to get some groceries. Since the store was surprisingly empty, I was done way earlier than expected, and decided to take a longer path home. I have never went through there - not even once in the last year that I've lived here - but I was sure with my orientation abilities to know which turn to take to make it back home.

After a while it occurred to me, that the last time I've seen another person was a couple minutes ago. I tensed up. Despite the absence of my care for self, my paranoia was more than intact, as always. In the past I have often found myself thinking up suspicions that turned out to be false most of the time. That was a rather funny contradiction about myself, because as much as I didn't care about dying, this caution of mine – which was an obvious overkill – never really left me. I guess it was one of my stronger sides if I had to name some.