My Hana

12🧨

People say I'm a monster. Hah. I've been called a monster my entire life. Sometimes I just stare at them, smile, laugh...while they run away. But with you, it was different. I felt different. 

All this time I've felt empty. I don't remember the last time I shed a tear. Sometimes you may find me laughing hysterically to myself just to cope, and that's what's happening right now. 

He laughed, hair a mess, laughing harder and harder into the emptiness of his room. Why couldn't you just accept me as a monster too. Maybe, if you had then it would be easier. But right now I don't know. I don't know how to understand, how to cope, how to live. You were one of the only people who said I wasn't a monster. 

Even when I'd sing to crush their souls, I wish you would look at me with disgust. Instead, you'd run up and join me. 

"Baki Baki~"

Instead of looking at me with disgust, you'd look at me with awe. I'd always wondered why you crazy human tangerine. 

He looked at the letter, picking it up, and opening it gently. A note with a photo. 

It was the first time we played against each other. He ran towards me jumping ever so excitedly saying how the ball went GWAHHHH WHOOSH BAMMMM. How my block was amazing and how he wanted to learn. How he admired my skills and such. He looked at me with the purest intentions. He didn't look at me with disgust as if I were to be a monster. He looked at me in the most humane way possible. 

Heyooooo! It's Hinata Shoyo! Well, I was Hinata Shoyo at least. I don't know when you'll get this, or if you'll even read it, but I hope you do. I remember the first time I met you and your block went WHOOSH BAMMMM GWAHHHH and I was amazed. I will never forget that moment when I saw you reaching for it with that smug smirk on your face as you blocked the ball. 

I remember how much I had admired to want to be a middle blocker like you. But not to fret, I guess I can't be a blocker anymore I guess...maybe well because I am dead. So to Tendou Satori, I am dead, well you probably know that already. That's not the point though, I wish to tell you a few simple things before I slowly am forgotten by the world. 

You're amazing, your blocks and all. The way you sing is like my melody and muse. The way you are is perfect. I don't care about how you were called a monster, because you're not a monster. Ten Ten is Ten Ten and nothing will change that. You are you and you forever and always be. You're the person I admire, wish to become and fell in love with. You're the exact same person you are meant to be, you are Tendou Satori. 

I know it's pretty stupid considering I'm telling these words after I'm gone, but that's how you'll remember me as. As the idiot who couldn't tell you that I loved and admired you. How your soul shone ever so beautifully. How you dazzle in the air as you block the ball downwards. I am the idiot who fell in love. But I hope you, can live your life as yourself and not the monster people ought you to be. 

Sincerely Hinata Shoyo. 

And there it happened. My heart hurts. It panged. But no tears seem to be falling. My chest hurts, it hurts, why does it hurt? I don't understand. Stupid tangerine. Telling me this after he's gone. What an Idiot he truly is. He could have been my idiot. He is my idiot. 

Satori shouted in his room. 

"HINATA SHOYO YOU'RE MY IDIOT."

His heart pattered, thumping harder and harder and harder. God did it hurt like hell. Not a single tear fell, but he knew that he was hurting. This idiot, telling me that I'm me. One of the only people to look at me as if I was human. I am Tendou Satori. I'm no guess monster, but I am only myself. Because that's what he told me. That's what he told me... 

I wish he told me earlier. I wish I could see his bright smile and laughter as he explains how awesome it was. I wish you were still here. Why aren't you here? Why couldn't you just have been selfish? Just a bit. You just couldn't, because your soul is beautiful. 

He's beautiful. He's everything. He's was everything. Now he's gone. Now he's dead. Now his soul is somewhere who knows where. Is it selfish enough for me to wish you were more selfish...? 

Is it selfish enough for me to wish that you were still here? Why did you leave us? How could you leave us here? Why would you leave us....why would you leave us here... 

Our sunshine is gone. The angel who came to hell and back just to save this lost soul. The angel who shines brighter than the sun. The angel who saved me from the deepest pits of Tartarus. The angel who had the most beautiful smile. The most contagious laugh. The energy to light up tens of thousands of cities. 

Why did he leave? How could he leave? 

"GOD DAMN IT" 

He slammed his fist into the wall, breaking it. 

"God damn it..." 

And there it happened. A small tear slipped. Maybe he wasn't a monster after all. Maybe, he too could feel. 

"God....damn...it..." 

And so the monster broke. Or shall we say the lost soul who didn't know where to go.