Atusa

Emusi

Sonkay no
Sonkay no
Akina kus
Harar so so　

I didn't know what was worse being Russian or being  Ainu. I suppose if I was full blooded Hokkaido Ainu I would only have the Japanese disliking me, I could join in the ceremonies and spend time in the Kotan with fellow Ainu. I suppose I could have passed for full Ainu, I had the height along with other physical characteristics that were common amongst the dwindling population. The dead giveaway were the tufts of honey blond hair that indicated the presence of Russian blood which had been supplied  by my father whom I had never met, my mother forbade me asking about him and would fly into a rage when I did. Only once after her father's passing did she speak about how she had met him when Russia reclaimed the Sakhalin Islands, she had seen him when they came upon their caravan looking to acquire the reindeer they raised. It did not take long for the young, beautiful Uilta girl to fall for the handsome blue eyed, blond haired Russian solider, but unbeknownst to her he had the full intent of returning to his wife and child that awaited him in Moscow. So there my mother was left heartbroken and pregnant with an unwanted child, it was no wonder she began to descend into madness. 

As I grew up I became the focus of her rage towards my father, the only way to avoid her fits was to be as quiet as possible when I was anywhere near her which became easier to accomplish when I grew older and more independent.  The only time I experienced any kindness from her was the day before she took her own life, she made me a meal of Kaluga and let me lay on her mat with her near the hearth. I heard the village elders discussing how she had eaten marsh marigold, a plant which was highly poisonous unless it was pickled. The dilemma with what to do with me had caused an uproar, I was not fully Ainu so the common practice of being adopted into another family was out of the question. The solution came with two half-blooded Ainu who wandered into the Village looking for reindeer to help transport them to the Southern point of the island where they could find a means to get to Hokkaido, the elder agreed to part with the ungulates as long as I went along with them. Wilk was kind and reassuring, always smiling and inquiring about the customs of the Orok people as well as telling me about his own Christian religion which seemed outlandish to me. Kiroranke on the other hand made me feel uneasy for the duration of the trip though I did pick up Russian and Japanese from him during our travels. 

Once I had reached Hokkaido, I was amazed the see the vastness of the Otaru and the mountains that spanned the horizon. Life in the Kotan was not much different than my previous experience, I was tolerated but ostracized at the same time. I was given difficult tasks to complete by the villagers who were suspicious of my origins and why I had made my way to their Kotan. I set up my hut like I had in the Sakhalin Islands so that it could be taken down quickly incase I had overstayed my welcome, I did not attend the iomantes or any other ceremony and had come to terms with the fact that I would spend the duration of my life as an outcast. Even though Wilk and his wife were kind to me I did not bother them much, mostly declining invitations to dinner or to sit around the hearth. When his wife died giving birth to their daughter Aspira, Wilk had decided to reside in the wilderness and teach his daughter the various methods of survival he had learned throughout his travels. 

When Wilk disappeared Aspira had been taken in by Hucci and the other elders, she was the prized granddaughter after all. Everyone adored her including myself, she was a cheerful and loving child who chose to spend long durations in the wilderness hunting instead of doing activities that were designated for women, I guess this was the one thing we had in common. "Why don't you come to the festival?" She would croon when she saw I yet again was not gathering in the Kotan to watch the ritual slaughter of the bear, I returned her question with a weak smile. "I enjoy watching it from here, you see I am on top of the hill and can watch the whole thing." I gestured to the wide expanse with open arms, she gave me a weary smile indicating her growing suspicions with my phony explanations. 

The day Aspira brought the solider into the Kotan I was laying by my hearth reading one of the many Tolstoy books that Wilk had left me to read, it was Anna Karenina. As I delved into the story of the two Russian lovers I felt an ache of yearning, I had seen various girls my age in the village being courted by young Ainu men. I watched as the young couples flirted, their discreet hand-holding, sometimes a chaste kiss or embrace, I would watch these exchanges wondering what it felt like to be the object of affection. So reading this book was the only insight I had into romance of any sort, the pages were worn from my constant revisiting of this novel as well as tear stains that dotted the pages. I longed to be someone like Anna who could love and be loved in return. So when I saw the scarred, handsome face of the Japanese solider that Aspira had emerged from the forest with I could barely catch my breath, I'd imagined it's how Anna felt when she first saw Alexei Kirillovich Vronsky. I lingered around the Kotan pretending to be busy with chores around Huci's house, luckily the visitor had caused such excitement that I was noticed even less than usual. 

I peeked in the room at the solider, listening to him talk about rumors of Ainu gold and how he heard that the secret to finding it had something to do with tattoos as they feasted on bear meat. When I heard someone coming outside I quickly tried my best to conceal my presence by ducking behind a few clay pots containing bear fat, the pungent smell of urine hit my nose as I realized the solider was only a few feet away from me relieving himself. We both let out a yelp of surprise when our eyes met, he became flustered and tried to cover himself, but it was too late I had seen his manhood, the first one I had ever seen in person. I nearly knocked over the clay pots trying to escape from my own embarrassment, I must have looked crazy hiding outside of Huci's house, but before I could high-tail it out of there I felt a hand grasp my forearm pulling me back.  "Hey! I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you!" The man said, his voice laced with concern as I gazed at his face getting a good look at him up close, he was even more handsome than from a distance a realization that made my heart flutter. He stared back at me holding both my arms firmly, his striking amber eyes roving my face as if he were appraising something, I could see a light blush grazing his cheeks. "Do you speak Japanese?" He asked loosening his grip on my arms when he realized I was not going to bolt, I nodded indicating that I did which caused him to give me a wide smile in return. 

"I'm Sugimoto." He introduced himself, the kind smile never leaving his face. "Su-gi-mo-to." I repeated slowly letting my mouth adjust to the sounds, I was not use to speaking Japanese frequently and was worried I would sound silly fumbling over my words. "Yea that's it." He said nodding approvingly at my pronunciation of his name. "Opere." I said pointing to myself, "Oh-pear-eh." He repeated back and I smiled and giggled in delight at the sound of my name rolling off his tongue. I could see him grin at my approval, his eyes gleamed with what I interpreted as amusement. "Are you going to join us?" He asked motioning towards Huci's home, my smile faded quickly and I shook my head before pointing towards my own hut that sat just on the outskirts of the Kotan, it was illuminated only by the moonlight and the small fire that I had lit outside to dissuade animals from entering. "Your husband is waiting?" He inquired, I shook my head with a weak smile on my face. "Alone." I corrected, I could see the realization wash over his face, he gave me a pitiful look finally understanding my position in this Kotan. "I go." I said motioning towards my hut not wanting anyone to come out looking for him. 

"Wait!" He exclaimed once again grabbing my arm to stop me, "Could I-I mean would it be okay if I saw you again?" He asked in a hushed tone "I mean since you understand me so well maybe you could answer a few questions I have." He quickly added at the end, I could feel the sides of my mouth threaten to upturn into a smile. "When they sleep." I said motioning to the occupants of the hut who were starting to doze off due to the bountiful meal they had consumed along with the visitor. Sugimoto nodded in agreement, he let go of my arm allowing his hand to trace my skin as a slowly pulled away and began walking off towards my hut. When I looked back when I reached the top of the hill I saw him finally disappear back into the warm glow of the house.