Feeling

story

I smoke cigarettes in my bed, talking to myself, trying to take a smile but it's hard. This is very complicated,
I'm trying hard to be a good person but I can't be like that, because I'm crazy.
Psychopath yes I like that,, don't be so dramatic. Some people ask me about my future, well I answered "I don't know" and they just laugh and smile at me. Why ? It's that funny ? I really don't know. I just want to spend a time and thinking about myself, how to become a good daughter, have a nice job, make my parents happy, have a best friend, believe in God, don't have anxiety, everything. I just can't believe that I still alive ? I ask my friends "why I still alive ?" And my friends say "because Everyone loves you and God still gives you a chance to become a good person". Well that's true I think God still loving me and gives me a chance , I'm not gonna ignore that. Funny that I living in a toxic people, who always yelling, drive herself to mad, making a depressed,a stressed, get in trouble,, always blaming someone, and don't forget about children's. I tell you fun fact, That a children in a toxic family is the right target for the parent's machete to vent his anger.

Well I guess many people gonna feel like me , I don't know I'm right or wrong but I just want tell you this. I'm tired, to be a strong woman, always pretend that I'm okay, always put a mask in my face try smile in out side but inside I'm death, try to hide my fear, to much overthink, scary that people you love , you trust is gone or become your anemy.

So tell me what the most important part in your life ? I believe everyone have a best part in they're life , even that it's a scary one well I guess the scary one is the best part. Because you can tell the story of that,. And make some funny moments. Actually I also have the best part in my life, and in my opinion everything that happens in my life is an important part. It is very difficult to choose a moment that is really important in your life. But I will choose the part where I can feel the freedom in my life, whether I'm on vacation or just staying quiet and enjoying the time I have. And I think that it's a best part even that you just stay in your room and just play some sad or happy song. Yeah that's so simple right lol, What do you expect from my story huh ? Nothing I meant I don't really know the best part or the important thing in my life. Like everyday just a same yesterday to become a person like me, and the part that you don't know is tomorrow is the best From yesterday or It's even worse than yesterday.

Ok let's start from my love story, uhh well it's kinda suck why I say that ? Because all love that someone give to me it's fake, all of that just a attention like he just want to play your heart and when he done and kinda borred He threw our heart out like a trash. And I still love him after all he do to me. It's kinda suck you know and little bit stupid girl ( that's me). To shorten the time I will explain, so I accepted one of the boys in my school because I just wanted to experience how to run a relationship with that boy, I'm not falling in love with him pftt,, I never falling in Love with that person, but I can feel like embarrassed when I meet and call his name. It's sounds like crazy, but it's true like your heart Beating fast feels like your heart want to Exploded. I think that's what is called love, when you feel strange things that have never happened before. The feeling that every time you meet him, you will feel happy, plus a shy smile, your heart is beating fast, you can even feel your own heart beating fast. But at the end it's not goes well, well after 4 month we dating he broke up with me By sending me a short message from his phone, he say "I think we must ended this relationship between us, I want focus on the exam" And I just read the message when the exam has been going on for 1 week. I don't feel sad or cry, but I feel the disappointment that is happening for the first time in my life and it's all because of one irresponsible person. And everytime we want dating in some place he always bring he friends and just talk with me like 10 minutes and he leave me JUST LIKE THAT ?! . What kind dating that ?!

All I know about love that is never fake is my cat, cat ??? Because pets love humans more than humans themselves. (This is just my opinion)

So it's about a little bit of my life, ouh if you guys like this and want me to make another part just coment and don't forget to vote,, If there is a word wrong in this story, just let me know.