The Magnificent Afterlife of Mortimer Wordsworth

You've read all you can stand on the subject of vampires? Tales of darkness and death got you feeling more nauseous than terrified? Sick of the Mary Sues and the wishy-washy wannabes?

Then look no further, intrepid word explorer! For 'lo, in the World there is a new definitive guide to vampires (or vamps, as we like to call ourselves, sign of affection and all that...) and supernaturals. Their wants and needs, their thoughts and wishes, and yes, what we say, do, and believe.

Within these pages, explorer, take warning, you will find:
The Magnificent Afterlife of Mortimer Wordsworth!

Enjoy, mortals. Within the covers of this manuscript you hold in your hand or stare at from another glowing rectangle are tales of wonder, magic, and the supernatural. So delight in its contents, but beware, fair reader, some things are better kept in the dark.

Scholar, Bard, Guardian of Life and Taker of it, Your Immortal Host, Ever in Earnest Brotherhood,

Mortimer Wordsworth, this 21st Day of December, the Common Era, 2042