★𝐄𝐦𝐦𝐚★

Ya'll, if you still check this account, please follow me, it's my backup account becaase I forgot the password for this one and now I can't have it back.

I just got my period while sleeping, how nice... 
          No wonder I was having cramps these few days, smh, I'm in Spain but without the S.
          Pls don't be as painful as the last one, pls don't. T^T

OMFG, MY MOM AND I ARE AT A MALL AND IT UNFORTUNATELY HAS A FUCKING ESCALATOR, I HATE THEM SO MUCH, I LITERALLY HELD ONTO MY MOM SO HARD, MY LEGS ARE SHAKING, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO DOWN, I WANT THIS TO END SOONER, IT WAS BROKEN BEFORE BUT THEY HAD TO FIX IT, SMH, I HATE IT HERE SM-

Hello everyone!
          I have come to say that my mental stability is better now.
          I'm gonna go to a different school and try to study harder even if I go to one that's gonna be pretty hard.
          I'll try my best!
          I wanna go to an art school but I don't know if I'll be accepted.
          Other options is hotel-tourism technician but the professors at school told me that it's quite hard, so I don't know if I want to be accepted there. 
          There's also chef as an option which honestly isn't that bad and the school's subjects aren't that difficult. 
          I'm going on drawing testing next Friday [1st July], wish me luck!
          
          I have an art account on Instagram, if you want, you can go follow me there, it would mean a lot to me.
          It's @emma_draws22 <33
          
          Also, do any of ya'll want me to to a face reveal? 
          I'm more comfortable here now, so I don't mind. 
          It's just for you guys to decide whether you want me to or not.
          
          Have a great day/night, love youu!! <33

Alright, I know I'm probably super annoying to all of you from all of my venting and stuff I've been writing in here these few weeks but I feel more comfortable letting all my emotions out on here.
          Basically, it's like my diary but it's public.
          So, my mental health is still going down and I believe I'm useless and a horrible dissapointing fucking mess of a daughter.
          I just think about ending it all yet I don't want to.
          My family keeps stuffing my brain with the "If you don't do well in school, you'll get a bad job and you're not gonna be respected as much."
          Grades don't control my life, it's my own choice on what job I want to get and I don't give a fuck if someone doesn't respect me, I can always just ignore them.
          I was not respected in elementary at all, so I'm already prepared for when I'll be an adult even tho I don't want to be.
          I'm literally only 15 and already want to end my life, that's how school is going for me.
          I have dyscalculia and everything that has to do with calculations and numbers, I have problems with.
          But my mom doesn't understand, she just says that the reason I don't know maths, chemistry and physics is that I don't study.
          IS IT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT I NEED SOMEONE BY MY SIDE WHILE I'M DOING MATHS??
          *Sigh*
          I don't know what the point of life is.
          You have to sleep, eat, work to get money to buy food, go to school, all that cycle just for you to finally die at the end and all you've did in life is literally pointless.
          I'm going to try and apply for other schools since this one is a nightmare, it's far too hard for me and my level of knowledge.
          I'm good with languages and I know a tiny bit from many languages.
          I know a bit Japanese, I know how to fluently speak English and Croatian.
          I'll try hard not to self-h@rm again but I have a strong urge to do it but I'll still try.
          I cry almost every 2nd day in my room and sob in my sleep.

[Continuation of the previous post.]
          
          I'm getting really tired of everything, I keep getting severe headaches because of the stress I'm suffering from. I'm crying a lot these days and I just can't stop it, it's really not my fault. I sometimes wish I was never born. I know that if I had a sibling that would do better at school, I would get less attention, less love and would get more neglected. Good thing I'm an only child. Maybe I'll be happier when I go to another school. I hope so. I'm sorry for anymore that had to read this but I kinda feel better writing my emotions here online. Have a great day, everyone. And thank you for reading if you've read this whole thing. 

Hello everyone...
          I'm here to tell you that I'm feeling really down these days and I can't do anything, I'm currently failing the class I'm going in and I think about going to a different school because this one is hard as fuck for me and no matter how much I try I just can't do anything right, I can't fucking do anything anymore, I just can't...But nobody understands...Nobody ever understands me...A lot of months passed and since then, my mental stability is going down rapidly to the point where I had a lot of suicidal thoughts [but I don't plan on killing myself just because of my family] to the point where I even self-h@rmed myself sometimes to distract myself from the real world a little bit. I play games but even my mom yesterday said that I don't deserve half of the stuff she buys me because I don't do good in school but she apologized and said that she said that without thinking and didn't realize that it hurt my feelings and that she'll try to not say it ever again. She also advised my grandma to be next to me at all times because she's afraid of what I might do to myself while I'm alone. I'm not planning to do anything but they still guard me at all times. I feel really guilty for venting on the internet so much but it's because people I met here online understand me better than my own family and that's just sad. If ya'll know that one movie, I think it's called "The Orville: Majority Rule", it's basically the world of us students. The real life is literally a simulation of that movie. We're getting "Upvoted" and "Downvoted" because of our grades rather than our behavior, our kindness, our worth and anything else. I'm getting really tired of everything. 

.........
          I have a presentation to present in front of my class tommorow.
          I'm so AWKWARD and nervous when doing presentations, oml.
          I still have some elementary school trauma, lol and I'm too damn shy to do stuff like that.
          Wish me luck and that I get a good grade because I'll stutter for sure and I don't know if my professor will tolerate that. TwT 

Hello!!
          Just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU FOR 1.12K READS ON MY DUOLINGO STORY!!!! 
          I NEVER thought it's gonna get so much attention!!
          I'm truly grateful to everyone that took their time out of their life to read this! 
          'Till next time, goodbye!! 

Not my ass being sick once again.
          We were on PE last thursday and it was quite cold and windy.
          The teacher told us to go outside. 
          Everyone was in short sleeves.
          We were running laps around the skatepark behind the school and everyone got sweaty.
          And since my immunity is like -7864357483, I get sick really often. 
          I started sneezing and coughing constantly at friday. 
          Today, I stayed at home since I feel like shit.
          I'm dizzy, I keep coughing and sneezing, I have a severe headache, a runny nose, my throat and my chest hurts like hell.
          I feel like I got hit by a car, damn.