Abandonedkid

Freak. Emo. Goth. just a few of the names I've been called.

My name isn't any of those, yet thats what I'm called.

I am a 19 year old college student. For 12 years, I was bullied. Nonstop. Every year of school, I was bullied. No break. Not for me. Because of that, I became suicidal. Considered it several times. Came very close to trying it on several occasions. But every time I came close, some other poor soul did it first, and it always made me rethink, at least for awhile.

But then came a time when there was nobody except me. I cut myself. My life sucked. Still does. I almost died that night. Sometimes wish i had. But no. I lived on. I bear those scars today without regret.

I have loved and lost, and repeated the whole process over again. I've known more pain in my life than any normal person could ever stand. I have seen so many loved ones - friends, family, even pets - die, I've felt so much pain, that it just doesn't matter anymore...

And still, people try to tell me that I'm weak. They say I'm just a baby, that I'm not a real man. They do not know the pain I've felt. They do not know the trials I've had to bear. They do not know what it feels like to lose every one of your best friends, and closest family members. They do not know how it feels to love someone so much, and then have that same person shatter your heart. They do not know what it's like to be suicidal. An outcast. They do not know the life I've lived, the pain I've felt. They do not know who I am, nor what I am. They do not know the anger burning deep in what was once called my heart. They do not know the rage I feel for the world.

They do not know. They will never know...