𝐓𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐭

चाहत है उस आइने की,
          जो हर पल मुझे मेरी कमियां दिखाए ।

Logon ko khandani zameen aur zewar milte hai.
          
          Mujhe khandani bimariyan mile hai bas. ರ⁠_⁠ರ

Rancho ki tarah graduation ke baad sabko ghost karne ka mann hai.
          
          Par mere mummy - papa CBI ke bhi baap hai. Kaise bhi karke mujhe dhoondhenge, phir mein permanently ghost ho jaunga. (⁠⌐⁠■⁠-⁠■⁠)

What I study:
          
          "Khadak Singh ke khadakne se khadakti hain khidkiyaan.
          khidkiyon ke khadakne se khadakta hain khadak Singh."
          
          What I remember:
          
          "Khadak khadak ke khadake khidki khadak Singh ka khadke zor." 
          
          Dukh. Dard. Peedha. Kast.(⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

User 1: uses nudes for profile picture.
          
          Wattpad: I blind. :P
          
          User 2: uses a simple swear word, for example, shit.
          
          Wattpad: *panics* *fire alarm* *sirens screeching in a distance* O.M.G!! How could they swear? There are children here, innocent little minds. We cannot allow such corruption. Flag the comment! Block the user! Delete the comment! 
          
          *throws holy water around* such corruption mustn't reach the pure eyes of such young and innocent minds.
          
          ***
          
          Matlab, kaise double standards hai yeh? (I exaggerated on the block and delete part, don't mind). ¯⁠\⁠_⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠_⁠/⁠¯
          
          Wattpad, leave cyberbullying and hate speech. First deal with such users and content.
          

It's funny how people call a rapid heartbeat, sweating, flushing of cheeks, etc as signs of love.
          
          Dost mere, saamne se aata woh insaan could be a chalta-phirta nuclear power plant dyed in red and, your gut feeling is telling you to escape.
          
          Par nahi, tumhe toh Aashiqui karni hai na. :P
          
          ***
          
          Savdhaan rahe, surakshit rahe.
          Aur apne dost ko free ka therapist na samjhe.

"Dil khush jahan
          Teri to manzil hai wahin."
          
          Parents: "Engineering, Medical, Law, aur CA ke alawa koi khushi hai tumhari zindagi mein toh, ghar se dafa ho jao."

Study/Exam tips in foreign countries:
          
          • Make notes.
          • Yoga for concentration/mindfulness.
          • Stay hydrated.
          • Revise
          • Learn from your mistakes.
          • Sleep properly.
          • Mind-maps, mnemonics, etc.
          
          Study/Exam tips in India:
          
          • Badam Khao. Paneer, Gobi, Egg, Bhindi, bhool jao. Sirf aur sirf badam khao. Tumhare ragon mein khoon nahi, badam hona chaiye.
          
          • Stay hydrated? Bhak! Baar baar bathroom jaoge, time waste hoga. Jab tak Ambani, Adani, Tata, Birla na bano, tab tak pani ko haath mat lagana. Focus kam ho jata hai.
          
          • Revise? Hatt! Pure chapter ka new version likh sakte ho toh batao. Nahi toh chull bhar pani lo aur...
          
          • Mistakes? Beta, zindagi mein agar galtiyon se seekhna hai doosron ko dekho. Agar tumne khud galti ki, toh ghar aane ki zaroorat nahi hai.
          
          • Neend? Pfft! Pehle paise kamao, naam-waam banao, bangla, gaadi kharido, settle ho jao, phir jitna sona hai so jao.

Teachers: "Even if there's one student, I will take class."
          
          Also, Teachers: "Ha! There's only five of you. Class cancelled."
          
          Bhai, matlab — I didn't cross twenty potholes, swim three drains, walk seven miles in the rain, fight sixteen rowdy drivers, tame sixty street dogs, and, change thirty six buses to hear a 'class cancelled'. ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

My only achievement in life is having a 5 stars rider rating on Uber, Ola and Rapido. •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀
          
          Woh alag baat hai ki saare drivers/captains mujhe reject kar dete hai.