Haven't used this app in years leave me alone, I was just a young boy who was exploring the world of fan created content. I was new to the world of media. I was pure. I believed I was innocent, small, that I would be seen as cute and different. I was wrong. As I look back at my past, I cringe at myself. I was discovering the media and fan content but that left me with nothing but shame in the future. I look at the old comments where I was weird and cringe, and whilst I do not mourn for that boy, I mourn for the time wasted on this satanic app. I wish to find salvation, to find peace for him. The boy is resting now, and I can only look back at what he - at what I - had done. It was not as bad as I think, perhaps. Perhaps, it was what made me the man I am today. I have healed, have I? Perhaps, i believe it was cringe and weird, because I was young, because I was undiagnosed of many things. Maybe I think it was weird because I haven't made peace with even myself... And living this over again, is my retribution. To uncover a past I have buried beneath username changes, upon behavioural changes - to change my identity on social media was to disconnect for the real world. I am more connected to the outside than I was two years ago, I extend far beyond Wattpad comments, and YouTube videos. I have hobbies that aren't about writing horrible fiction of a fandom I'm no longer in. I have found games I enjoy. I have found shows I enjoy. I stepped far out of my comfort zone. I want to make that boy proud. I want him to know that we watched the Five Nights at Freddy's movie, and that we got a Withered Bonnie toy. That we got our own room. He would be disappointed to see what I have become, but perhaps it's just because I too feel the same towards him. Maybe I need to learn to love myself? Perhaps these are questions for another life, or for someone else entirely. But it's inevitable to change. It's part of who you are, you will change, and you will grow, just know it will be okay.
  • I was just a boy
  • JoinedSeptember 25, 2020