@I'mgaylol

I had a panic attack about how I thought my closest friend was going to leave me and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was like 'ew,' and then I stopped having a panic attack. :/

Since this is the only way I can vent, I'm gonna do it. Pay no attention, I just need to type this shit.
          
          
          I think I'm very very slowly loosing myself. I've been at my friend's house and we were staring at the ceiling, completely fucked up. I'm 15, the friend's house I was at is 14 (I'm 4 months older than him), our other friends are 17 and 18, we all go to the same school. 
          
          So we're sitting there on the floor, laying down basically in silence, totally fucked up. But normally we're all giggly and laughing. But we're just in silence. I literally couldn't help but feel like- I don't know, numb I guess? It's weird to explain. It's like I'm depressed, but can't feel it. It's really hard to explain. 
          It's weird.
          
          I mean, I don't know how I ended up there. 
          I don't know how I ended up so incredibly fucked up to the point I'm laying in the floor, with people I've only known for 4-5 months, fucking my life up. I've done shit younger me said I'd never do. 
          ________________
          -weed
          -ciggerettes
          -bongs
          -daps
          -makeing out with my best friend out if nowhere
          -self harm
          -not eating for days
          -alcohol
          -sneaking out
          -running infront of busses to see if it would hit me or stop
          -dropping out
          -ending up in the other side of the town I live in
          -running away to a while different town
          -going home in a cop car
          __________________
          
          
          I've come to a realization that the whole thing is glamorized. It isn't. It fucking sucks. I hate feeling like whatever that is. I'm so fucked up, I don't know what I'm doing.
          
          What am I doing anymore? 
          I'm just as fucked up as the rest if my family. I'm not going to make it past twenty. 
          I'm so fucked.

I'M BACK BABY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I have been in a bit if shock for the past two days, but I think I'll be okay for now.
          
          The other day, a very good friend of mine, @Cmpalace died. 
          They have been such a great friend and they had always been there to make everyone smile.
          Even with a simple 'Hello, how was your day?'  from them made me smile.
          
          I'm so sorry that I couldn't help in anyway, I should've been there for you like you were for me, but I didn't see your cry for help in time until after.
          For that, I'm so sorry.
          If there was anything I would do to rewind time to atleast try to help I would do it in a heart beat. Again, I'm sorry.
          If there was a word that was bigger than sorry, I'd say it.
          
          I hope you're in a better place now and your suffering has ended.
          Love you, Friend.
          
          -Marc★

My favorite memory from sixth grade was on Valentine's day when most of my friends had a Valentine and I didn't, and my one friend who was a year younger than me was like a little sibling and she kinda looked up to me a bit,
          
          So when I was the only one who hadn't gotten a Valentine she wanted to cheer me up, so she got another one of my friends, (also a year younger than me was like a little brother) and they wrote me a secret Valentine's note and signed at the end; 'your secret admirer' 
          
          But unfortunately, I saw them writing it against locker and she gave it to him to give to me, but I saw the while thing and when they turned around I was there and it kinda ruined the whole thing but I appreciated it so much.
          
          I still do and looking back, it was the nicest thing anyone has done for me. 

I'ma just complain rq
          
          I was hanging out with some new friends and I was just sitting with them while they were talking and I kinda just felt out of place and my friend was like; "I'ma head out I'll see yalls later."
          And I was like 'finally, my excuse to leave as well,' so I got up and was like; "ya Naw, I gotta head out too, my dad's going be home soon and I gotta get back before he does." 
          
          And they were like: "k we don't care, bye." 
          And while I was leaving someone I was talking with earlier was like; "why was he still with us??"
          
          I kinda felt a bit nauseous by that and continued walking home. 
          

Holy shit, you guys-
          
          I was hanging out at my friend, Dominic's house today and at aboutttt 7:30 we were kinda just laying on the ground, high as fucking kites and our index fingers kinda just interlocked like how you would pinky promise someone something, and we were talking and he was just like; "I hope you know how much I appreciate you. I know I'm pretty rude sometimes, but you're like, my best friend and I really enjoy hanging out with you." 
          
          
          
          I'm still smiling like an idiot from that-

Hello! 
          
          I know I haven't been active in a very long time
          
          But I just wanted to come on here and check up on a bunch of people
          
          Luv and miss ya sis! <3

My father just want ke me up by walking up the stairs.
          I dunno why I woke up. Then he just slid my lunch into my room and stuff and was just like "" 
          
          Im a really heavy sleeper with loud noises but the minute someone's trying to be quiet I'm like; "ah, there has been a sudden change in the particles. This must be a wake up call."
          Idk man.
          
          
          

I bought my friend Micheal some nachos today in the cafeteria because he forgot his lunch and I didn't know if he had money so I gave it to him and went to go to my next class and then after my next class he met up with me and said he had money but he was thankful that I bought him the nachos so he skipped his former class to buy my favorite energy drink as a thank-you and I was really happy and he's such a sweet kid omg ♥️
          
          He's so nice to me and Dominick -dom is another friend I made- idk why but he is.