Fadiyah.q.l

Someone told me to leave the past behind me, Yeah I said "Okay" But my past isn't behind me yet, Why? Because my life is on repeat, I try to change my life but every day of my life is controlled, No not by me, Someone else.

I say my "past" defines me yet it's still ongoing

But it does tell who I am

Doesn't it?

You say it's "Guiding" But no, It's "Controlling" 
I hate it when people tell me "Don't lie to yourself" When I only lie to myself to block out the negativity...

I'll lie until I "die"
Or until I give up
I don't wanna be the one who has to end my life off but...It hurts...It's not going away...It won't stop...It's never ending...
I don't have anyone to go to...