Insomnia_God

Boop! 
          
          You've been booped. Boop 20 other people and let the chaos spread.

hi random question but can  you do a kurugiri x deku for me please?

Send this to your 6 top favorite people on Wattpad and here is 
          how special you are based on how many you got!
          ✨ 1- your lonely- (same tho)
          ✨ 2- ur cool
          ✨ 3- ur amazing 
          ✨ 4- ur popular
          ✨ 5- ur epic
          ✨ 6+ dayum

Not me pulling an allnighter to spite my mom like an absolute  C H I L D--

My scoutmaster: "You seem very comfortable talking in front of a group"
          Me: *flashbacks to hiding in the nearest bathroom whenever public speaking comes up* "hehehehehe--"

Ughh, I hate not knowing. I don't even know why I post these rants. A problem shared is a problem halved, I suppose...

I don't really interact outside those I know without being clearly invited and I like it that way. I let loose with my friends and have all the fun and shitty jokes I want to, and they like it. I think.
          I curse a lot, mainly as a stress coping mechanism turned into a habit, and I feel like one day it'll turn them away, because I'll be too abrasive with my choice explicatives and say something that is wrongly interpreted or they'll just realize I'm really not that fun, or funny, or morally ok. My morals are ratehr grey, in that as long as it doesn't effect me, those I care about, or those who have done nothing (children and the like), I couldn't care less (with some exeptions, situationally of course.). I'm not saying I would stand by and watch/commit cold-blooded murder, or murder full stop, but if I had the choice between escaping near death or taking a bullet for someone I don't even know, I would run away with near-no regret.
          I have this habit. Whenever a situation gets uncomfortable, I either shrink into myself and shut out the world, or I try to make some humor out of it. Doesn't matter, I could've been shot, and I'd try to make a joke out of it. "Hey, at least I'm off of school for a while!"
          I don't even know why I wrote this.
          Sorry for bothering yall again...

I don't know what it is about this time period, but I feel really down almost 24/7, but also sometimes I'll be happy as a lark. Sometimes I feel muted, like I'm in a monochrome bubble, only viewing the world through a window. And sometimes I just feel so unbearably wrong.
          I hate it so much.
          Yesterday, via an at-home covid test, I got a positive confirmation for SARS-COVID. Now I've been feeling down/off for the last week, or so, so I know that isn't the main cause, but I'd be stupid to say being diagnosed with a rampant virus that is the source of the world's temporary collapse isn't stressful. i probably will recover in around a week, but it doesn't stop me from cursing the world.
          I hate myself sometimes. I don't know why. All my faults just come piling up ontop of my mind and it snaps under the strain. It all comes crashing down and I feel like Atlas, bearing the weight of the world on a lonely mountain peak with nobody at all.
          I feel like I'm too dramatic.
          I feel like I bother people.
          I feel completely inadequate when my friends call my smart or intelligent.
          I feel like a complete klutz when it comes to most positive emotion and i don't even know WHY!
          I had a mostly normal childhood; loving parents, older brother, etc. I was and am more introverted and socially awkward, so a few friends.
          When I was little I tried to force myself to embody "popular" traits, like common humor, extroversion, connection, etc. I tried to be a social butterfly, and by 4th grade I knew for certain that wasn't my forte. It didn't stop me from embarrasing myself miserably with my fourth-grade nonexistent sense of humor, but I recognized I don't like large groups of people.
          By now, I'm a highschooler who's lowest grade is a B, which I only have one of, and one B+, but the rest of my subjects are A. Pretty decent I guess.
          Ran out of characters, I'll copy/paste the rest on a new one.

Oh I swear to all that is good in this world- aka the cake I made for my brothers birthday- my tastebuds are in heaven. IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD HOMEMADE RASPBERRY BLACK FOREST CAKE YOU HAVE NOT LIVED
          It was fluffy and moist, a proper chocolate cake for Black Forest cake, and the filling/frosting is sweet and creamy but not TOO thick or sweet, and the raspberries add the PERFECT blend of tartness and sweetness with a beautiful rush of flavor
          I could wax poetry about this cake- actually, I am. I will make you all umm... 260 followers of mine jealous of my cake. This delicious, heavenly, baked sweet that has caused pure ecstasy in my parietal lobe. I can't wait for the next birthday we celebrate so I can make this again..

Ahaha- I want to curl up in a ball and cease existing. Not die, cease existing.
          My mom just literally grabbed my arm (in a way where it seemed like she'd slap me), and on instinct I grabbed her arm. I guess I accidentally dug my nails in but she screeched and said I hit her. This is because my dog was being nippy and I was trying to gently pin him to calm him down via petting (it is a tried and true practice with him), but she saw it as me trying to throw him from his scruff. So we had a whole ass screaming match and whenever dog came close to me or vice versa she'd grab my arm and her nails, more like talons, fcking HURT. So yeah I might've hurt her but it's called self defense and I apologized and tried to explain. Unfortunately, her royal bitchiness decided I was faking my apology and trying to hit her so she grounded me for 4 days. I just got ungrounded from a month long grounding. And today was my first 3 of 6 exams including ELA and Spanish... So I was already high-strung and had told her numerous times. Can I get a woohoo for not one, but two panic attacks within less than 12 hrs.
          I just... Mental breakdowns are shit.