@Isolated_Fujoshi
I'm so tired, so so tired.
I'm about to let the flood gates open. I really can't to this anymore.
I can't tell who hates me anymore, I can't do this, I can't stand another person hating or disliking me because of somthing I didn't do. I'm embarrassed and tired and I'm really stupid.
Its time to say goodbye.
Driving to your mailbox will be the last time I'm ever going to be close to you.
Do I really amount to anything. Is there really somthing im supposed to do with my life. I have no ambitions, nothing. I'm an empty shell of 'what should I eat tomorrow'. And the 6th grader is so desperately wanted to "get in touch with" your stupid. Fucking. Boyfriend. I TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU GUYS WERE GOING THROUGH I CARED FOR YOU GUYS TILL THE VERY END, I TALK SO GREATLY ABOUT YOUR NAMES, LIKE I DIDNT DESERVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU AT ALL. I just want to know, did you think of me, did you defend my name like I've done so much for you. Did you fight for me, did you try to change their mind. Did you tell them that I would be understanding, and sorry for what I did, somthing I was so unaware about. Did you also feel this way did I also cross your boundary when I didn't even know we had one. You talk to me about this and that and throw me out like it never mattered. Hell when you dated that one dude and chose me over him. But I guess this one is different, you've givin everything to this one person. I wanna cry but I want to listen to your side of the story. People say that I shouldn't talk to you anymore but I can't help but think about the past we were so great. They ruined everything. I went through my toughest times without you and now I feel like we cant even be what we were. I don't think you'll ever text me again or try to reach out to me. I don't think you'll ever care again. Please tell me you cared a little bit
Bad people don't think about how to become a better person.
But what happens if I want to change but everything I do it just seems like a step backwards. Do I give up?
How do I cheer up my boyfriend. He's acting very distant and sad and is just in general giving me rude responses. Like 'K' and 'idk you'll see me on Friday' like was I supposed to see him earlier on Friday? Is that what I'm forgetting. *just checked my calendar* NO what did I do, all I said that his constant calling from morning to night was too much and it just felt he was watching 24/7 everytime I had free time from work or practice and it seemed like he didn't trust me. But his response was, 'I do trust you, I trust you with my whole life. Just some people act 2 faced'. Tbh I was a little offended when he said that.
The coolest thing I've ever learned that completely fascinates me is that clove powder and water together in a cheese cloth can get rid of tooth pain.
I remember at my lowest point of wanting to end my life. I have to stay alive for the one person I care about and i don't want to leave him alone in this cruel world.
Why do I not want to text my boyfriend all the time? Sorry that I don't want to talk to someone 24/7 do I really have to message you back when you text me? I don't always have a conversation in me and I'm sorry that you're bored. If I want to send you 25 tiktoks but mom answer your snap I should have the right to do so.
But I also understand on why you would get angry at me for that, I feel bad for doing it sometimes. I've been trying to get better at texting you back but now I feel I'm walking on pins and needles when I don't text you back in the next minute. And I have to tell you that I'm driving or taking a shower or doing my laundry or cleaning my room as to have a reason as to why I'm not at my phone texting you right away. But I can't tell you this because you'll cry and be sad and sorry and I don't want to deal with it. You'll say ' I promised that I'd never do it again' but the problem about you and I, is that we both have alot to fix about ourselves but sometimes we don't even notice that we're doing it again.
Do you think I was the reason that the bar fell apart? Of I hadn't complained about Jessie would their not be any problems? But is it my fault if an adult got upset and blamed a child for his actions? Did I start it? Was I the reason? I wanna ask but I know they will say no but I know I was. And even if I was to talk to a counselor they would say no but in a more complicated way of you need to stop thinking like that. And whats even worse is a cousler forgetting about you, FORGETTING. Most kids don't have the willingness to go and tell someone, you kind of have to call them in and get them to talk. Or at least have it appointment based. Forgetting is like a back handed way of saying, 'I don't really care about what we just talked about for the hour and a half you were in here.'