this message may be offensive
So, how do i preface this jsjs.
I'm sorry. I've fucked up wayy to many times from the past months. SO, apparently it takes me one admition to the hospital to come to my senses and step my life up.
some TW's so don't read past this if you have Eating disorders TW's or just are having a bad day cause if you are, you deserve a break <33
I was admitted in a week or something ago because i fainted in the middle of walking past the stairs. I hadn't eaten in a day, with one glass of water. Long things short, they said i was too underweight. I need to start gaining weight or my life could be in risk. But i still did't wanna eat. At least, eat without running to the bathroom a few minutes later.
Honestly, no, it wasn't my insecurities that caused my bulimia, it was my hate towards myself. I felt weak, i felt not deserving of food. I am obsessed with this imaginary perfect version of myself and it became into a disorder from the past months. The control, i didn't feel like i'd done something to deserve to not be hungry. I'm useless, i hate these things about myself that i think can keep being better and better and just this obsession with being perfect made me mad. Pair that with heartbreak and BAM you have one teen who's feeling all emotions but multiplied by a hundred.
I'm sorry i had to leave, that i didn't get back to your texts. I still remember you, and i'm trying to come back here everyday at least because these are the stuff that reminds me that if there are other humans here who accept and appreciate me, why cant i do the same. This was me just telling you what's been happening <33
I'm trying to improve my behavior with myself. Have a good dayy
