𝑳.

i don't love you anymore 
            
            the relationship is over. you are telling the world. it's comforting and relieving. there is guilt, but it's different. everything is different.
            
            i don't love you anymore (acoustic) 
            
            the first confession. this one is quieter, more solemn. i picture this to be the admittance between yourself. something has shifted and you aren't sure what to make of it. you've been drained of a soul and nothing feels right. you can, but you aren't sure. you should, but you don't want to. you try, and it hurts you too.

out like a light - the honeysticks
            
            just an fyi this is all my opinion. everyone can interpret music differently so what i say isn't like a fact or anything. 
            
            either way, this song to me is one about moving on from a liminal space. a relationship ended (platonic/romantic), an event is over, a moment is interrupted and life moves on. this song happens after The Moment. all of our feelings are heightened but at the same time it is assumed that once we move forward from that weird liminal state then we should be better versions of ourselves when in reality, that's only true half the time. there's confusion and frustration and more often then not in a means to appease everyone, we bottle it up. the era has ended but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.
            
            out like a light 2
            
            though this carries the same vibe, this one is tinged with nostalgia and acceptance over The End. what happened is over yet the world didn't end. you can find comfort in the memories but you can never go back. if you do, if you so desperately want it, never forget that things are different and what hurt you will always be there, don't look for comfort, look for growth.

also writing on wp feels super weird i just KSNKSNSKS kinda miss it but shhh we won't unload that just yet 

now i will crash because i deserve it yes <3 

im running on the pure adrenaline of having completed 4/5 of my summer assignments in three days and will proceed to neglect the fifth one until it is due (which is on friday) 

"what's got you in such a pissy mood?" hyunjin asks one day. his finger prods at jisung's cheek
            
            "i'm not pissed off."
            
            "sure, dude, whatever you say."
            
            "what is that supposed to mean?"
            
            "ever since your boy minho walked out last week you've been all i don't know /pissed off/ at everyone which is honestly very childish of you because the only person you have to blame for minho's outburst is yourself."
            
            "what-"
            
            "we may be a bit stupid, jisung, but we're not blind." 
            
            "i don't- i don't get what you're trying to say."
            
            "ugh, you're in love with minho and minho is in love with you, but you're too much of a scared wimp to admit that." 
            
            "what are you talking about? i'm not-"
            
            "not what? in love with minho or scared?"
            
            "that's my business."
            
            "sure." "also next time you want to use any of us as an excuse make sure you use the right people to play homophobic bitches and not your very much gay cliche." 
            
            "he doesn't know that."
            
            "that could be true but minho's smart. he knows we're not as horrible as you paint us to be." "look, minho needs space and you're going to give him that. he's spent nearly his entire high school years wrapped around you and you've done a shit job at making it feel worth it so let him breathe without you."
            
            "i didn't mean for it to get this messy."
            
            "i know, but i think you need time as well to figure out what it is that you want."

"no, you don't get to do that," minho rasps out. his hands going to grab his coat and keys from their place on the kitchen table and jisung only follows behind his trail trying to get him to stay.
            
            "minho, you know i don't mean to do that. it's just-" jisung tries to get something out but nothing comes to mind. everything disappears especially when minho turns around and there's the obvious shine of tears in his eyes and jisung's heart hurts. 
            
            "i've spent my entire breaks driving to new york for you. i deal with all the backlash back home and the one week i come over you can't so much as hold my hand out in public especially in front of your friends? i'm supposed to be your boyfriend, jisung, but lately it feels like you're ashamed of me and i'm not going to let convince myself to stay with you when i feel like shit every time you pull away," minho argues. 
            
            jisung doesn't want him to leave. things are hard, everything is confusing in his mind and he wants minho around, he knows that much is true. "i just need time," jisung whispers, but even that doesn't do the trick anymore because all minho does is cry. 
            
            "i've given you two years jisung. i don't understand anything anymore." jisung knows what's coming next. he knows and so he tries to splutter out something- /anything/ to get minho to veer away from it. to stop this argument. but nothing works and minho wipes at his eyes with obvious frustration as he finally spits out, "i'm done trying to understand you. i'm done with all of this." 
            
            (when the door closes after minho's left, jisung can do nothing more than to bring his knees close to his chest and to let the bottle hidden deep within his heart, loose, causing for his own sobs to rip through his entire body.) 
            
            (his room feels so empty that day.)

"you didn't apply to any universities in new york," jisung mutters, hands moving across the stack of acceptance and rejection letters from numerous colleges /but/ the one minho had never stopped talking about. 
            
            jisung hears a soft scoff erupt from the boy seated on the opposite end of the bed and that is when he finally takes note of the grimace that decorates his face. placing the letters down, jisung scoots forward and pokes at minho's cheek to look at him. "why?" is all jisung can ask when minho finally spares him a glance. 
            
            there's something akin to anger and what jisung can see as jealousy, hurt. "why?" minho repeats, voice on the tipping edge of cracking but still holding its firm, body flinching tone. minho moves away from jisung and makes the decision to wave his hands in retaliation. "i didn't apply to any of them because i don't want to spend the next four years of my life stuck with you." 
            
            jisung knows those words are supposed to hurt, and they do, but it was expected. jisung knows what he's doing is wrong. he knows. "i'm sorry."
            
            minho wipes the tip of his nose roughly and shakes his head. "you always are."

idk what i just wrote. im not okay-

now i will be dying until i finish this draft i found on here just cuz i actually like it on this acc now but shhhh

@skzaster ] - OFC TAKE YOUR TIME, LOVELY . PRIORITIZE SCHOOL BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT EVEN IF IT'S TRASH

I HOPE I GET THE CHANCE TO READ IT SOON, I HONESTLY RLLY LOVED WHAT I GOT A GLIMPSE OF BUT SKOOL IS TRASH SO PLS WAIT FOR ME

aw, you’re so sweet, thank you :3 

this was random but i felt like it needed to be said :D