Crazy

I'm in a hard place to be, politically speaking. I want all sides to be united and to get what they need, so I am on no one's side. I try to be a bridge between different people, but they just take me as the enemy. I want to open minds and hearts, but nobody wants to be open. I'm neutral, but that just means no one stands with me. If I were to give up and pick a side, I would also give up hope of unity, so I just keep going.

Wush you a very happy new year!! I hope everything goes fine this year. <33

When did we start looking for people's mistakes so that we can publicly ridicule them? Yes, I'm starting this off by talking about 'Karen shaming'.
          I know why we do it. 'They're in the wrong. They're being hurtful and awful. They're a menace to the people around them. I'm standing up for 'x'. I'm doing the right thing.' We justify all of it so easily.
          By tearing them down, socially stoning them, criticizing them, we become the hero by justifying all of the pain.
          For me, it's like watching half starved wolves, tearing at each other, knowing that they can and are meant to be amazing, beautiful, powerful creatures, known for their teamwork.
          I could try to defend people I see as the victims, but I risk being the bully. I could let them know that they're hurting someone else, but why would they care? I could explain logically that what they're doing isn't helping their case, but then I seem cold and condescending. 
          I see people tear each other apart, and I don't know what I can do to stop it.

So ... since I've last logged in, I've had a panic attack, felt awful, felt better, talked to my friends, was cut off and reaccepted by my brother, and had a pretty good Christmas.
          Got some manga, a shirt, a couple of among us backpack things (I named them Leomon and Devimon), a board game, and a stand mixer with a lot of potential attachments to buy from my parents. My best friend got me a blanket and a cake shaper. My sister got me a shirt and some candies. My brother made me an ornament. My secret santa (at a church event) got me a mug, magnet, and a bunch of gummy worms.
          I gave my brother a choker and my sister a Zelda game. My mom got macarons and my dad got a mario 5-player game.

Hi, you seem like a really nice person, but I’ve read your below posts.. I know this might seem rude and invasive, but you can talk to me. Do you need any help? Are you feeling down?

Oh, about the manipulation thing. Slight trigger warning. Here's an excerpt from a conversation between my parents and my brother:
          (Context: My brother wanted to go to a friend's house, but my parents wanted to meet the friend once before my brother could go. They basically wanted to see if they saw any red flags.)
          Mom&Dad: I'm sorry, but we need to meet them first.
          Brother: Is this because I'm suicidal or is this because I'm trans?
          
          Neither possibility was true, and this comment definitely hit a few fallacies (strawman, either-or, leading question). The reason I say manipulation here was because the statement was seemingly made to trap my parents into saying yes.
          Also, I think he may have gaslit me at one point. He told a doctor that my dad beat my mother every night and that they yelled at each other all the time. Basically, my brother made it sound like we were in an abusive household and he got child services called on my parents for the second time.
          None of this is true, though it does have small seeds of truth about problems my family hasn't had in years.
          The topic came up in the car one day, and my brother's reply that I was remembering wrong made me start doubting my own childhood. Even now, though I know that what my brother told the doctor was a lie, I still doubt the truth.
          It's ridiculous and illogical, but if I think too much about it, I can't really tell what the truth is. What if I'm somehow the one who's misremembering ... even though my brother claims to have memory issues and I have photographic memory?
          That's why I really need someone's help to keep me aware of what's real.

Hey, guys. I'm feeling a lot better. I'm still very concerned for my brother and sister, but there's not much I can do for them. I think ... I think I need to let them go, a little bit. I still love them, and if they come to me, asking for help, I'll help them, but I can't let their circumstances drag me down with them. To be honest, they already have a little bit, but thanks to some of my in-real-life friends, I feel better.
          I have been praying, and I believe both of them will come back. Maybe we'll never be as close as we used to, but I love them.
          By the way, with the way things are, it's really hard to tell if things are okay. This whole problem happened so gradually that I knew things were bad, but it became what was normal.
          I will be updating you --- and probably some of the friends I know in real life --- about what's going on, because I don't think I can tell how bad things are. I'm desensitized. I'm hoping my parents can find a therapist soon. Not just for my brother, but for the whole family.

Hiiii you remember me? Probably not but I'm Rugguk || @fire_bred from TMC. How are you doing these days? Hope you're happy and well.
          
          Happy halloweeeennnnnn ᵇᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ

It's honestly really weird that my brother chose to be a boy.
          Out of the three of us, he was the most conscientious of clothes, he loved shoes, and liked trying on make up. He's even got the 'girl trap' down. You know, unwinnable questions like 'does this dress make me look fat?' or 'is it because I'm suicidal or LGBT+?'
          Of the three of us, I was the one who didn't care about those things the most. I've been wearing the same sneakers every day for years. I'm blunt and insensitive. I've even been mistaken for a boy several times. Once in person by some kid, and many times online. The biggest difference between me and this stereotype is the fact that I am a romantic and a dancer, but hey, there's nothing wrong with a boy that's either.
          Yet here I am, comfortably female (I'm a girl and I'm awesome! So what if I don't fit the stereotype?), and there my brother is, trans.
          Okay, well, if he wants to be a boy, I guess he doesn't need to fit the boy box?
          Except ... there was a time when my brother was younger, before his announcement as trans, when he was mistaken for a boy in an all-girls hang out, and he was hurt by it, judging by how he angrily told the story after.
          That's what's so weird about this. I knew the trans announcement was coming. Not because my brother seemed like a boy, but because for the months leading up to it, he began to almost idolize the idea of being transgender. I wasn't surprised when 'trans' joined 'biromantic', 'asexual', 'dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder)', 'germophobe', 'ghost-seeing' and 'sociopath' in my brother's little collection.
          Honestly, with the way my sister is going, (she has a co-dependent relationship with my brother and has picked up a few traits from my brother's collection), I wouldn't be surprised if I had two brothers soon. My sister seems very determined to help my brother by falling with him rather than throwing him a rope.
          Sorry for such a long announcement.

I don't want to focus on being politically correct. It feels like lying. I can be respectful while still being firm in my values and beliefs, even when they differ from other people's. I'm allowed to be free in my beliefs. I don't need to conform to the status quo.