Malachi

Forgot to say this sooner but I'm no longer writing for Dream SMP because fuck Dream 

Things That Annoy Me In Fanfics: Pt 3 
          
          Dick sizes. 
          
          Like bro.. Please look at a fucking ruler before deciding how big the cock is. I've seen specifically Tomioka fanfics where they say he has 10 inches and I just- Dude. Do you actually comprehend how big that fucking is?? And that's just the length! That's not accounting for thickness or anything! What the fuck?? 
          
          So here's a lil science for ya. 
          
          On average, the male genitalia measures from 6-7 and a half inches. And that's only when flaccid. When hard, it can measure up to 8. And that's the AVERAGE size! Look at a ruler and tell me you're not scared of something that big going inside you. 
          
          You also need to take into account how much a person's vagina or asshole can stretch, or how much they can handle on average. I don't know how much a person's vagina can stretch, but a person's asshole can stretch up to 8 inches, enough to hold two tightly packed raccoons. Though my recommendation is to not shove a raccoon up your ass. But most people through vaginal penetration, can only handle about 6 inches before it's too much. 
          
          So the lesson here is that bigger isn't always better or necessary. Since too much can cause damage. And size all really depends on how its used, since the g-spot is located around 3-4 inches inside (I dont know about a prostate. Dont ask me.) My suggestion is to not go over the top with penis size and literally just give em' the average size. I don't even bother mentioning dick sizes in my fanfics but when I do, I usually say about 6 or 7 or 7.5. 
          
          This has been your smut wisdom for the day. I don't know if I'll ever have something else to say because I am a massive virgin and only know a little bit about actual sex. 

Things That Annoy Me In Fanfics: PART 2 
          
          When the words "I'd", "He'd", "She'd", and "They'd" are used so much as the beginning of every sentence in mostly 1st POV. 
          
          So lemme give you a quick grammar lesson. While words like "I'd" do mean "I had", they also tend to mean, "I would". So its used in both past tense and future tense. But typically, sounds more hypothetical than past tense. So whenever you start a sentence with words like that to explain what a character actually did, it doesn't make any sense because that's a hypothetical phrase. Saying something like: 
          
          "I'd have done the dishes like always." Sounds more hypothetical compared to, "I had done the dishes like always." 
          
          I'd, She'd, He'd, and They'd makes more sense in context such as this: 
          
          "I'd be in so much trouble!" 
          
          Not: 
          "I'd let out small gasps." 
          
          Yes: 
          "If that happened, I'd kick your ass." 
          
          Not: 
          "He decided to make me angry. So I'd began to kick his ass." 
          
          It may be a stylistic thing, sure. But, words like I'd are better used for hypotheticals rather than actual events that occured. Its grammatically correct and makes more sense to read. At least for someone like me. Whenever I have to read sentences like that, my brain immediately thinks its hypothetical until it uses a word to make it current tense. Like, wait what? This is happening now? Not just a lil hypothetical or foreshadowing to later events? 
          
          So.. Yeah. Using these words in your story is fine, just use them sparingly and to describe hypotheticals or for foreshadowing. 

Things That Annoy Me In Fanfics: PART 1
          
          When every single goddamn word is capitalized. Like something like this: 
          
          "The Quick Brown Fox Leaped Over The Slow Dog." 
          
          Im sorry but- Have you never taken a fucking language arts/english class in your entire life? Not every word has to be capital. Only the FIRST letter of the sentence, I, I'm, I'll, names, and the names of places, movies, shows, books, articles, etc need to be capital. Every other word can be lowercase. 
          So its more appropriate like this: 
          
          "The quick brown fox leaped over the slow dog." 
          "Marshfield Junior High is a school for 7th and 8th graders." 
          "'Speak' by Laurie Halse Anderson is such a good book!" 
          
          Its not quirky or cute or cool to make every word capital. Its annoying and basically tells people that either you use speech-to-text for everything or you're just stupid. Only capitalize words that are NECESSARY to be capital. 
          
          God- Maybe this only bothers me because I take advanced english but eh- Who knows. 

Sometimes I think about the time from when I was really nervous at school during a test, and so to keep myself calm, I started tapping my fingers on the desk very lightly, playing with my pencil, and shaking my leg. I do this often when nervous because of my stims and autism. 
          
          But apparently my teacher thought I was having a panic attack? So he came over quietly and asked if I was ok and needed to step out. I was confused at first, but then realized and quickly explained that Im autistic and doing small movements like these help me stay calm and focused. 

Why do I have almost 100 followers on here, what the fuck? Im literally just some random ass teenager who simps over demon and anime men (and women. Women are hot too) and writes the occasional shitty porn fic. 

How many people in the warriors fandom do you think I can piss off by admitting I dont like Mothwing? 
          
          Im reading Darkness Within rn and- Bro, Shadowsight's chapters are making me sad. If Mothwing doesnt fucking stop acting like she's the boss because she's more experienced than Puddleshine and Shadowsight, then Im out. Mothwing, darling, this is ShadowClan not RiverClan. You gotta learn how they run things here rather than running it your way. 

Completely forgot about this bc ya know, school. But uhh.. Satan's birthday was 2 days ago. So happy birthday, Satan. (God this sounds wrong to those you arent in the OM fandom but- there's a character in OM and his name is Satan, ok?) 

Hey guess what. 
          
          Today, September 10th, is Mammon from Obey Me's Birthday. 
          
          I dont really like him but figured I should still announce it :/ 
          
          Happy birthday, Mammon. 

So uh, I've decided to rewrite my old Draco Malfoy x Reader from 2019 since I'm getting back into Harry Potter. Might actually reread AND finish the books this time (I stopped reading at Deathly Hollows.) 
          I just felt like I should inform you that in the last two days since I made this decision, I have written up to chapter 13. When will they be posted? I have no fucking clue. Maybe when I finish it seeing as I probably will based on the pace I've set. 12 and a half chapters in 2 days, meaning I wrote about 11 chapters yesterday since I've written 1 today and am working on another. And I'm nowhere close to done with all the ideas I have in mind. I really hope you guys like it seeing as I'm pretty sure this Malfoy x reader story was the first actual x reader I ever wrote. And now here I am nearly 2 years later, rewriting it.