MissAeeee

Hi! It's been a while since I posted. Have you been well? These past few months is indeed a blast with my maturity. There was a series of thoughts that somehow made me take the big step. All the determination behind it thinking that I would be someone big and successful and renowned. I don't know. Has the world made me think that way? OR was I just so full of myself? It has been really tiring to keep fighting the pressure. My professor often tells us to always take risk, the things we want is on the other side of fear. But~ I don't know. I'm tired. I think I have given up.
          	
          	Sometimes there's this feeling of lax and peace that I quitted and that I left defeated. Because I have accepted the loss. Fear is intoxicating. It does not make me a fighter, but a numb slime slowly decaying. Is life always about winning? Does that mean I am living someone else's story? Because someone else's is definitely winning. Wait who am I even in a competition with? Well, if life is all for winners, where do losers stay?
          	
          	Everyone feels like the main character of their lives. I'm glad they are feeling their lives, but what about me? Did I exist for a different reason? I am not really looking for validation though, just a rhetoric inquiry. When will I feel such a genuine happiness? I feel like there's something more after living. Even if there's no afterlife. Just me stop existing and thinking and draining my soul out. Just no me at all.
          	
          	Dang sorry, this post is really melancholic. But if you happen to see this, I hope you have a different perspective in life than me and I hope you are well and smiling sunshine. Smile heals people's broken soul. Have that kind of smile.
          	
          	Sincerely,
          	Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Hi! It's been a while since I posted. Have you been well? These past few months is indeed a blast with my maturity. There was a series of thoughts that somehow made me take the big step. All the determination behind it thinking that I would be someone big and successful and renowned. I don't know. Has the world made me think that way? OR was I just so full of myself? It has been really tiring to keep fighting the pressure. My professor often tells us to always take risk, the things we want is on the other side of fear. But~ I don't know. I'm tired. I think I have given up.
          
          Sometimes there's this feeling of lax and peace that I quitted and that I left defeated. Because I have accepted the loss. Fear is intoxicating. It does not make me a fighter, but a numb slime slowly decaying. Is life always about winning? Does that mean I am living someone else's story? Because someone else's is definitely winning. Wait who am I even in a competition with? Well, if life is all for winners, where do losers stay?
          
          Everyone feels like the main character of their lives. I'm glad they are feeling their lives, but what about me? Did I exist for a different reason? I am not really looking for validation though, just a rhetoric inquiry. When will I feel such a genuine happiness? I feel like there's something more after living. Even if there's no afterlife. Just me stop existing and thinking and draining my soul out. Just no me at all.
          
          Dang sorry, this post is really melancholic. But if you happen to see this, I hope you have a different perspective in life than me and I hope you are well and smiling sunshine. Smile heals people's broken soul. Have that kind of smile.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Read it somewhere but I forgot where it was or who it was from but it says, if you're looking for a reason to stay alive, then take note that there is someone somewhere in this world reading the same book that is in your utmost liking and is falling in love with the elaborate strings of words just like you did. And I felt that.
          
          There couldn't be more passionate and platonic or not but still so romantic for someone to exist appreciating a masterpiece the way you do. It's just so wonderful, isn't it?

MissAeeee

I knew for sure we all have thoughts that lurk inside our heads like ghosts—haunting us. Sometimes it bugs us to the point we have taken it as our own and then we're just there frozen in place. Deep in our throats, there are the waves stuck from the sobs we have suppressed. And then we lie awake hating ourselves for the inferiority of our existence.
          
          But we don't really have to despise the things that makes us human. College. Friends. Families. Sure, they have their own sides that boils our chest into rage, but there are warmth too that soothes our hearts to rest. We don't really have to be the same and if our paths have taken its own kind of corner, it will for sure not be easy, but we will get there and if time and fate permits, we all will meet again.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Hi! Just a short query ahead. Do you think plants really are alive? Or it's just that we have come to associate it with life because they too wither — like us?
          
          All the questions in my head sound so rhetorical... but I don't really mean to appear that way. Well anyways, I hope you smiled today and keep smiling. Let also others see it because you'd never know, that's the brightest thing they could have seen today in this gloomy season.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Hi! Have you been to Batanes? Or even just have an idea about that place? It is my dream place to visit in my country—a northernmost province in the Philippines made up of around 10 volcanic islands. I want to have my own car and have a road trip on the roads of Batanes too—surrounded by wondrous scenes and scapes. If you try to search images of it on the internet, the shots, the angles, the timing—every bit of it felt ethereal. There was an economics professor from my uni that told the class how artistically clever the road mapping in Batanes was structured. Aside from delivering goods and other merchant's matters, the road was very ideal during world war. I don't really remember most of it and don't really have the time to search about it but the scenery was enough to make my heart leap a beat.
          
          Ah~ to go out and be connected with nature again. I went out of the house last night for a very short while and I've seen how dark the alley was. Woods not so vast near where my house is located at were like portals for a world I wanted to exist. But nahh~ those things were too good to be true. The mystic moon was shrouded of the forming storm clouds. It was cold.
          
          I felt a little cold too until now and haven't seen the sun for days now. For real. I don't really know where am I going with this message. I just wanted to share that though we have places where we felt home, our souls still long somewhere else—to wander and discover; to know how it feels like swimming in the ocean while it rains, to stare at the stars when you're miles away from the city lights, the rest of the cosmos.
          
          Well, though ambiguous are the intentions of what I am trying to share in this message box, still, I hope you smiled today for other things—and keep smiling; like the crescent shape of the moon on a certain phase. And let the world see it and heal many souls.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Hi! How's your heart right there? I hope it's beating healthily. You know, there has been a thought that's crippling at the back of my head. Has it ever occur to you to have your heart broken? Not like you intended to have it broken, like masochists or whatsoever. But you get that feeling when you're ready to have it broken? To have your heart tickle by sweet words, gentle gestures, and genuine intentions was something I found inevitable—so imagine you passed through that level and your connection with that person became deeper and a kind of intimacy forms wherein just by staring at each other's eyes, the world collapse and you're there, mind's fleeting, heart's warming; you're enchanted.
          
          I know warm and good things aren't always the intro for a romantic allegory but to have this kind of connection to someone is really a special phenomenon for me—a bond not so platonic, beyond filial, but a little far from sexual. Do you have someone in mind while reading this?
          
          I am not one bit a love expert, but I do understand how it works. I have been in a place where it is so full of this feeling and somewhere totally deserted due to its absence. It taught me that its very existence isn't impossible and I hope you aren't bitter about things that are related to this. Be open, be welcoming—for these are good. I hope you know how liking works, don't try to play safe too much, go out and move. Take a risk. But don't gamble too much as well, save something not only for yourself or for this one of a kind phenomenon. Go put a portion for your ambition, for the environment, for the future generations. Give a share of your existence for these things, because they matter to you as much as you matter to them.

MissAeeee

I asked how was your heart earlier, how is it now? I hope it's still beating well. You know, liking someone, your heart doesn't have to skip a beat. For it to beat in a healthy way is enough—where you can just breathe and have yourself immerse how it is real and you've felt it and you know it.
            
            If you have someone in mind all along with this message, I am genuinely glad for you. Keep it beating. ;) If you're still waiting and looking, don't worry, it will come in a way, in a form, and in time you least expect. Just be open and remember I don't mean it now or whenever—I mean for the time when that precious heart of yours is finally ready.
            
            Well, take care of yourselves out there guys, and be safe. Smile too! Let those lips curve and let the broken world see it and heal many souls.
            
            Sincerely,
            Miss Ae
Reply

MissAeeee

Hi! Have you ever tried asking someone about nakedness? Like beyond the context of nudity and bareness? I once asked a close friend of mine about nakedness. Ah~ actually my exact question was like this, "Do you mind living naked with you?" Pfft- dang I can't believe I asked it that way. He did take his time before he replied, XD. 
          
          It was actually an excerpt from a lyrical poem I heard where the poet said "I don't mind living naked with you." It left me such a great impression in my head that I had to note it somewhere. Then for sometime now, I started a painting that may seem photorealistic of a woman naked. Then sent him a rough draft of it. I'm glad how he associated nakedness to vulnerability and openness; because those were the words I had in mind too. I also associated it with honesty and sincerity.
          
          Do you also find it beautiful too? Like if we could live with such complete honesty to people and being sincere just follow our words that has been said. He said its impossible because humans as we are, we couldn't just be 100% honest to people, and sometimes, even to ourselves—for many reasons.
          
          I never like losing to an argument, so I left it open. I'm perpetually and devastatingly romantic to most of things and I don't mean it like optimism. I've been a stronghold for a furor of passion, a tormenting disappointment of idealism that you can never attain—but still kept the fire burning.
          
          It might seem a terrible pursuit onto something but if I'd be asked "why bother?", then I'd ask back, "why not?" Well, keep safe out there, wherever you are guys. And smile too! As if its the warmest thing on earth that could relight an unlit wick of someone's candle—and heal many souls.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

@Bruhimkelly Hi! I woke up with this message on top of my notification list and it made me genuinely smile. Thank you as well for reading what I wrote. I hope you're fine and well wherever you are. Keep safe and smiling out there dearyy! All the love.
            
            Sincerely,
            Miss Ae
Reply

MissAeeee

Hi! Do you have something in mind that shatters you? Not that I'm hoping there would be, but aren't we all have something like that? It doesn't really have to be something literal. It could be a scent, the reflection of a golden hue in the waves of the sea, or just a memory. The nostalgia that lies in it making you want to have it again, but it would never be as good as how and when you had it first.
          
          Mine's a question, like asking the people I hold dear to treasure me back and have their warmth melt away my chilling heart. Hah! I find it so cringey but it does shatter me. The idea that you had to ask for it. Though I have never tried asking it though, just a  mere thought of it like an attempt you'd never dare to try. Well it's hard to ask it because you'd be then surrounded, and I found my solace if I'm on my own. I'm a living paradox myself. Touché.
          
          But hey! I hope it's working well with your own story, mine's going well. Slowly unfolding as if testing my patience but I get by. Although there are things that shatter us, I hope you get to still love all the shortcomings of the world and the rest of it. Love it despite knowing its tainted glory and still find peace in it and be happy.
          
          Well, take good care of yourself guys and keep safe. Smile too! Let those lips curve and let the broken world see it and heal many souls.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Hi! I've been wondering, what's "your" season these days? We may be all under the same skies but I know for sure weathering our souls with the universe is different in every bits. I was on a bus today and it wasn't raining from my town until I travel to a distant city I had to visit. The transition seemed so magical but reality was enduring. I minded what's only beautiful, like the ether which resembles the hue of circassian sea, or the edges of the forest on the side of the highway- trees swaying along in the dance the winds play. They were beautiful- and it was still when clouds started crying. The way the water fell on dry asphalt like twinkling magic-drops. Or the way the glass window on my side begun to steam and scratches of rain cascading down like forming an aquatic portal, as if separating me from what lies beyond. Yes, they were really beautiful as if my own reality was enchanted.
          
          I hope your season would be all about rainbows and sunshine, but appreciate rain as well- as if you were on drought before. Well take care of yourself guys and keep safe! Smile too! Like it is the brightest thing in the world and let the broken world see it and heal many souls.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae

MissAeeee

Hi! How's your day? I hope it's great. Although the sky today was a bit melancholic to where I currently am, but I do still feel warm. My mind has been overflowing of perspectives recently and I am so happy I could arrange them into poetries and prose. And on this day, my poem book rank 27th out of 288K stories under the tag #poetry. Yay! Gotta note this precious moment and thank you for reading every piece of it.
          
          By the way, how's your heart? Our world has been sad for a very long time now, and many souls wanders with broken hearts-- and I'm one of them. I won't tell you it will be okay and it is fine because I won't tell myself that either. It's just like another lie in this dishonest society.
          
          It is not also the main reason why I write for you. I wanted to write for you and speak of the world that isn't new and to let you know we are not after new beginnings. We are never heading there because restarts are just archaic disposition. That would just sound so trite and confer misleading sentiments. I would write about where we are left off and how we continued moving and keep the pages of our life's stories going.
          
          I think there's wisdom in it I couldn't clearly express. I trust how our words have their own kind of feeling and I knew I always felt them. You've felt them too, haven't you? Like how they could affect you immensely sometimes there would be awakening, sometimes it's just so beautiful our heart aches.
          
          Keep safe guys! And smile too! Let those lips curve and let the broken world see it and heal many souls.
          
          Sincerely,
          Miss Ae