SunflowerDaze00

Reading smut in a steaming hot bath, candles lit, lights out, sleep token playing, and soft sounds of rain in the background. Loving this moment right now.

Trying to sleep but can so random thoughts go through my head of course. I drove up to stay with the boyfriend for a few days over Halloween. I met some of his friends it was over all a great time. For Halloween I didn't have a costume so his friends suggested I dress up as him. We were getting dressed to hangout and drink, and he was looking for one of his shirts for me to wear. He turned to me and said he didn't think I would be comfortable wearing one of his medium ones, knowing I like to wear really baggy clothes because of body issues. It's a small thing but it means a lot.

I am so fucking mentally drained from having the same arguement over and over, trying to make my dad see I'M A FUCKING ADULT!! I want to drive 4 hours away to visit the boyfriend, and my dad is pissed I won't let him take me on that trip so I will know the road before hand. I just want independence and a chance to do things on my own, not have someone hold my hand the whole time. I'm 20 for fuck sake, and I can't even leave home without someone in my family right there with me.

I got inadvertently called a discord kitten the other day and I dislike it very much. That moment has stuck with me for too long.

3:30 am
          
          Me: *crying while driving home after dropping off my boyfriend, so he can drive back home 4 hours away*
          
          Andy Grammer on the radio: BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP OOOH

I think the closest I'll ever get to going to a college party is the one time the boyfriend left me on a video call in his room while he went and got drunk at the party his roommates were throwing. He would come in periodically to check on me and would be more and more lovey each time. Until he ended up puking his guts out, so when his roommates (who also know me amd one was his sister) would come and check on him they would find me just chillin. They even told me where they put his friend's, who was also drinking, phone so I could tell them incase they couldn't find it in the morning.

When he's gonna be gonna a long time so he says bye to your each of your animals too.

Sometimes I wonder why I feel like other people's feelings or happenings in their life are more important than my own. Then things like what happened a few minutes ago happen and I remember. I bought some yarn for a blanket I'm making and I have some of the exact same yarn already and I noticed that the price went up. I thought that was kinda funny and ridiculous and thought maybe my bio mother might find it interesting she also crochets. So I decided to send her a picture of the 2 yarns and the prices. She replied one text acknowledging the yarn saying everything is going up and the next text was about her wedding. Now I am expecting to be excited for her and ask all the questions about her. When I'm not excited about it and just wanted to share something with her after not contacting her for about a month and it was spotty before then.

Went to the eye doctor today and this older lady was sitting next to me in the waiting room. She pulled out her kindle and started reading. Me being the nosey person I am (I think it's genetic) looked at what she was reading. All I really saw was the line "Close your eyes, and let yourself feel the pleasure." All I could do was just smile slightly because go her. 
          
          Favorite line that I also saw was " it's was pleasant me. How was it for you?"

So the other night I had a break down in my shower to the point of making my self sick, because I graduated. And that's a good thing but no body really cares in my family. I was supposed to graduate 2 years ago so to my family it's kinda like oh finally. To me though I get to see my friends and family graduate and have their parents be so proud of them and crying cause they get to see them succeed. Whereas the only person who wanted to see me graduate is gone and nobody else cares because they already did it for their kids.