Enzo St. John

I owe a belated birthday post to the two people who kept my head on straight for as long as I can remember. 
          Nic, no words can describe how proud I am of how far you’ve come in life. I know we only get to catch up for minutes a day anymore, but just know I’m constantly thinking of you. I hope your birthday yesterday was what you would hope it to be and so much more. 
          Bryce, you already know what I could say here, it’s something I say on a daily basis, something I pray on a daily basis. So, to save you the broken record of “i miss you”, “I love you,” and “I wish you were here”, happy second heavenly birthday. 
          The guys put together an entire get together in your memory, complete with fancy lit lanterns to finish out our bonfire where we grilled all your favorite steaks, made your favorite snack, drank your favorite drinks, sang your favorite songs. I know you were there because I could just see you amongst all these other guys and our friends. I don’t have to admit that I cried, because I know that when my tears were dried, it was by your hand.

I apologize for being absent in this life. In the last month, I came to terms with my depression and finally admitted that I needed more help than I personally wanted. I’ve been spending a lot of time sitting at the cemetery, talking to my brother’s grave and begging for his life wisdom and comfort. It already feels like a life time that he’s been gone, but I will never forget the security and love a single hug could bring to me, and there isn’t a day that passes that I don’t miss that feeling. 
          I told my dad that I’m getting tired of waiting for the day I’ll see him again, so my parents hardly ever let me out of their sight unless im with friends or other family.
          I don’t think I had a point to any of this, just that I’m fine, but I’m not okay. And I haven’t been for a while now. 

Something I learned today that made me sob. My brother’s girlfriend he had before he died, still tells people she has a boyfriend when they ask for her number or on a date. She said she’s in a very committed relationship with her guardian Angel, and that’s not something I was ready to hear today, but it warmed my heart to know that people do still think of him as much as I do. 

I promise I’m alive, everyone! Just been going through some family things this week. I love you all!! 
          
          -Lizzie

Just a friendly reminder that loosening a saddle on a horse isn’t an April Fool’s prank, it’s a safety hazard. 
          
          -Lizzie 

The only thing I want for my birthday is my brother. That’s all I want. 
          -Liz

[Walking into work with Dean] 
          
          Boss man: Well, well, well, look who is here.
          Dean: I wouldn’t today, she’s in a mood. 
          Me: We almost got into an accident, Dean. 
          Dean: But we didn’t, because of my quick thinking and fast reaction time.
          Me: I was the one driving, dumbass. 
          
          I don’t want this boyfriend anymore. Taking all my credit for being alive. 
          
          -Liz 

Do you think different breeds of dogs have different accents? Like, a corgi and a pit bull, or a Rottweiler and a Great Dane? Like, when you encounter someone from another country and you’re like “oh, I like your accent, what’s your nationality?” And they’re like “oh, I’m from Kenya” or where ever they’re from— and do you think wolves can understand dogs? Or dogs understand wolves? I mean, they’re about the same category, right? Same with house cats and wild cats? 
          
          I don’t know why this is all I can think about right now, but it is bugging me XD I really need to know these things. 
          
          -Liz 

When you get bested by a horse at work and then spend 7 hours in the hospital, finally get to go home and get stuck in traffic- the day will never end. 
          
          -Liz 

When you receive Flowers from Heaven. My Valentines Day is complete. And it’s only 10:15 in the morning. I have no idea who sent them, but they have me crying this morning. 
          
          “I just want you to know that I’m okay.” -Bryce 
          
          -Liz