Atel/Rj

HAPPPY PRIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨✨

Hey guys!... I don't feel so well. At all. I think there's something wrong with me. My hearing sounds like I have a pair of earbuds in that isn't playing anything at all. And I've been having a constant headache. I don't feel like "myself" but I also don't feel abnormal. I feel kinda numb? It's weird. And I don't feel the same. I feel different. But I don't know how to explain it. Sorry if this is worrying y'all in anyway/shape/form. There's just something I don't know, going on with me. I don't feel motivated to do ANYTHING at all. I feel the need to break the promises. But I can't. I shouldn't. But I feel the need to. I do. I keep questioning myself constantly:
          
          "Is there something wrong with me?"
          "Why am I like this?"
          "Is this attention seeking?"
          "Why am I failing those classes?"
          "Why can't I be like [redacted] or [redacted]?"
          "Why can't I have a 4.0 like those two?"
          "Why can't I be a people pleaser?"
          "Why do I have to be a people displeaser?"
          "Why can't I make anyone proud?"
          "Why do I have to be everyone's problem?"
          "Am I ok?"
          "Am I just overreacting?"
          "Should I listen to the urge?"
          "What happens if I got caught?"
          "What happens if my mom finds out?"
          "What happens if everyone found out?"
          "Then what?"
          "What's my escape?"
          "Why can't I be calm, and not burst out?"
          "Why can't I improve people's lives?"
          "Why do I forget that I am not going to be acknowledged like my brother or sister?"
          
          I sound delusional. Don't I? There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just being an attention seeker, right?

I'm sorry y'all. I wrote a bunch for my next chapter, then it completely disappeared. I lost motivation as soon as I saw it disappear. I'm sorry. I won't be updating for awhile till I get motivation back.

Alright y'all.
          
          I promise I won't. Okay? I'm happy to be here because of y'all, and I want you guys to know a lot. So I'll tell y'all stuff, but please don't report me because of last time when I vented.

Pls don’t die! I just realized your plan and I don’t want u to make it happen! 

AND GUESS WHAT?
          _'_ ______ ____ ___!
          
          AND NOW THAT WE'RE DONE
          
          _'_ _____ ____ ___ _______!
          
          I'll give you a hint: P!NK

God gave you this life, and you don't want to give back to Him something He gave you, right? God would be very sad if you try to –or do– end your life, because He loves you and will always be there for you.

DONT DO IT MAN, DONT DO IT!!!! ILYSM YOURE AMAZING AND FUNNY AND YOUR GOOFY COMMENTS MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD I WAS IN CLASS AND I REMEMBERED A COMMENT YOU MADE AND I SNORTED SO HARD THAT I GOT A NOSEBLEED LMAOAOOAOAO omg I just realised I went off track but anyways BRO JUST KNOW THAT YOURE THE FUNNIEST AND COOLEST USER IVE SEEN ON HERE SO FAR IM NOT EVEN LYING MAN YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ACTUALLY CANTTTT WITHOUT YOU HERE I WON'T BE LAUGHING ANYMORE 

I have a plan of death. It will be This August. After the 12th. It's quite a bit of time away, and I have to say a lot before then.
           #1. Today, well, at midnight. My cat, died.
           #2. I have fun stuff I look forward to, before the 12th. Like me getting to see p!nk on the 10th, or in June me going to Dollywood.
           #3. I can't go on any longer. My friends are going to leave me, I can feel it. My parents are constantly pissed. And everyone in school hates me.
           #4. As much as I love y'all, on here, I can't do it. So many people mean a lot to me on here, and they scare me when they say they're going to leave me.
           #5. I have nothing to be looking forward to after the 12th.
           #6. I'm young. I'm young-young. I'm a teen, who's not yet in highschool.
           #7. Literally everyone in my town hates me. I had so many friends in St.louis, that they didn't talk to me after I left. I sent them mail and stuff, but they never answered.
           #8. Half of my friends here are fucking fake.
           #9. I'm tired. Constantly.
           #10. I just want it to end.
           #11. I just hate people now. I'm tired of it. They hate me, and I hate them. It's a two way system. I will let someone run my account,once I'm dead.
           #12. You have a reason to live. I don't. Not anymore.
           #13. Don't believe I'm something to you, because I'm not. You shouldn't care about me. The reason why, is because I'm snarky, and rude, even when I thought it was just a joke.
           #14. I'm ugly. I have red hair, too many freckles and moles/beauty marks, I have blue eyes, and stretch marks. Im flat, but my stomachs big. 
          
          Those are only some of the shit.

@Zia_Starvinxy. Please. I'm in literal tears. Please don't. I don't want you to leave. Please. Please don't. I don't need you to die too. Please. I can't do it. I'm not doing it if you can't make it. I can't do this. please. Don't. Please. please don't leave. Everyone is one of my reasons to live. And ive only got a few. Please don't. Please. Please.